Just One of Those Things
by PenguinBuddy
Summary: It would be extremely easy for Lily to hate the girl James is betrothed to if she were a rich, popular, pureblood snob. But it’s rather hard for Lily to hate a girl who’s kind, smart, and pretty… and just happens to be her best friend. AU
1. A Romantic Relationship

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters she has so brilliantly created.

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter One: A Romantic Relationship**

* * *

"Your parents are forcing you to date Hestia?" Sirius asked, slack-jawed, looking at his best friend in utter disbelief.

"Basically," James muttered, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

"Can I ask why?" Sirius inquired, a curious expression on his darkly handsome face.

James kicked at a pebble on the ground. "You know why. They think we should date before we're forced into wedlock. As being betrothed wasn't bad enough. Now I have to date her first."

Sirius considered this for a moment. "Well, I do see their point," Ignoring James's outraged expression, he continued on. "Sure, you and Hestia are casual friends and you know each other pretty well, but dating her will give you a different perspective. Maybe they're hoping that through dating, you two will fall in love."

"What they're hoping for is a whole house full of kids bearing the Potter name and blood."

"Do you think that your entire betrothal is based off of the purity of blood?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

"Not entirely, no. The Albright and Potter families have been friends for centuries. We've even had a few other arranged marriages between our families before. But I don't doubt that subtly behind this "family friend banner" there's some concern about keeping the blood pure."

"Hmm," Sirius responded, staring up at the sky. "Makes me glad that my parents didn't care enough to arrange a marriage for me."

L … J

Hestia shut her door with more force than necessary, relishing in the loud noise the slam made and the angered shout from her father.

Her parents had just informed her that she was going to be dating James Potter this year. End of story.

She sighed and flopped down on her bed. It wasn't that she didn't like James; she did, but only as a friend. Hestia had grown up with James; they were childhood friends.

As far back as Hestia could remember James had been a part of her life. Their parents had arranged their marriage when Hestia and James were two years old and ever since, they'd been forced into spending time with one another. As children they played together, their families ate dinner together at least once a week, and holidays were spent together.

Glancing around her room, Hestia could pick out several things that James had given her in past years. Although they now attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and were only casual friends, they were still expected to exchange gifts.

"Hestia?" The knob turned and the door opened slowly to reveal her mother standing there.

"What?" Hestia asked sulkily, refusing to look at her mother and staring at the ceiling instead.

"Hestia…please look at me," her mother pleaded, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

Hestia rolled onto her side, away from her mother.

"Hestia, I know you don't want to date James, but you two are going to be married. You need to date before you're married."

"Can't I just marry him and skip the dating part?"

"Your father and I thought it would be easier for both you and James if you had a romantic relationship before your marriage."

Hestia turned and stared at her mother, not quite believing what she was hearing. "Romantic relationship?"

"Of course, dear."

"You have to care about the other person in order to have a "romantic relationship". It doesn't just happen automatically when two people date," Hestia pointed out, her voice rising in volume.

"But you care for James," Mrs. Albright stated, as if Hestia's friendship with James was grounds for romance.

"As a friend, but nothing more!" Hestia felt close to shouting at her mother. Was she not listening at all?

Her mother stood up and walked toward the door. "You will, Hestia, once you start dating him. Now, get some sleep. You don't want to oversleep and miss the train tomorrow. Goodnight," She closed the door behind her.

Hestia fell back onto her bed and suppressed a scream. Had her mother not heard a word she said?

Of course she hadn't. She never did.

L … J

"Goodbye Mum, goodbye Dad," Lily Evans hugged her parents, tears forming in her eyes.

"There's nothing to cry about," her mum gently scolded, holding back tears of her own.

Lily smiled and wiped the back of her hand over her bright green eyes. "I know; it's just that it's my last year. This is the second to the last time I'll ever ride this train."

"Study hard," her father smiled lovingly down at her with the same green eyes. "Remember, we'll be proud of you no matter what."

The train whistle blew and Lily gave each of her parents one last hug before boarding the scarlet Hogwarts Express. Waving once more, she made her way to the prefects' compartment. As Head Girl, she was supposed to be there when all the prefects arrived.

Arriving at the compartment, she stopped short. The letter that had informed her that she was Head Girl had given her no clues about the identity of the Head Boy.

What is she was stuck working with a Slytherin? Or Robbie Archer, that obnoxious bloke from Hufflepuff who was always telling humorless jokes? She hoped it was Remus, but she knew that his illness could potentially keep him from being able to carry out all the duties of the Head Boy.

Lily reached out for the doorknob, but pulled her hand away quickly, not ready to go in just yet. Taking a deep breath, she reached out only to pull back again.

Just as she was about to try once more, the door was flung open and pair of hazel eyes were staring down at her.

"Are you going to come in? Or are you just going stare at the door until we get there?"

James Potter.

James Potter was the new Head Boy.

"Lily?" A tanned hand waved in front of her face.

"Oh!" Lily's cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I'm coming in."

"Good." James stepped aside and held the door for her.

Taking a seat next to the window, Lily smoothed out her school robes, looking for something to do with her hands.

"So…" she began. "You're Head Boy."

"Believe me, no one was more surprised than me. I thought it would be Remus for sure…" James trailed off, sounding slightly awkward with the subject.

"So did I," Lily admitted. "Is he disappointed?"

"Quite the opposite, actually. He said it would be a welcome reprieve and he wished me the best of luck…I think I'm going to need it."

"You'll get the hang of it," Lily said, trying to reassure him.

James smiled wryly. "I hope so. …But what if I mess up? What if I make a complete prat out of myself?"

"You might," Lily conceded. "But that's okay. I did too when I became a prefect."

"That's the difference here," James pointed out, leaned back in his seat. "You became a prefect in fifth year; you've had practice. I've never done anything like this before. I'm a tad worried I won't be up to the job."

"James, listen," she told him rationally. "You're going to be fine. You've been Quidditch captain since fifth year; surely it won't be that different. Besides, this job isn't as difficult as it's cracked up to be. It's okay to mess up. Nobody's going to stay angry with you for too long, anyway."

James frowned. "What do you mean?"

Lily shrugged, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "You're a popular person, James. You're a top student, an excellent quidditch player, and from a well-known pureblood family. No one's going to make too big of a fuss over anything you do as Head Boy."

"I know that," James replied quietly. "It's not the student population I'm worried about."

"Then what are you worried about?" Lily asked softly.

James looked away from Lily, out the window. "Letting Dumbledore down. He's put such faith in me, appointing me Head Boy when I wasn't a prefect. I'm scared that I won't live up to his expectations of me as a Head of this school."

Here James turned back to Lily and locked eyes with her. "I'm also afraid of letting you down. I know you'll be a wonderful Head Girl and that you'll uphold your share of the responsibilities, but me? What if I can't do this? What if I leave you all the work and…"

"James," Lily said, leaning forward and taking his hand in hers. "You've been thinking about this way too much. Dumbledore made you Head Boy for a reason. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't think you were perfectly capable. And as for letting me down… you won't."

"How do you know?"

"I faith in you," Lily told James, watching as a smile spread across his handsome features.

The compartment door slid open and the Ravenclaw prefects Sara McGregor and Tristan Pritchard walked in, chatting amiably. Lily withdrew her hand from James' grasp, not wanting to give people something to talk about. Especially since there was nothing to talk about.

"Hey, Potter," Tristan greeted James. "I hope you Gryffindors have been practicing over the summer. Anderson's got two new chasers on our team this year."

"Think we should get things under way?" James asked, as the last Prefect hurried into the compartment.

Lily nodded and smiled. "Oh, and James? Congratulations."

L … J

The last prefect exited the compartment and James flopped onto his seat, feeling a tad weary, but pleased nonetheless.

"See, you did just fine," Lily said, gathering up the hall patrol schedules and a few quills. "You're a natural public speaker."

"Er…thanks," he replied, feeling his neck grow warm at the praise. "Going somewhere?" he asked, noticing Lily making her way toward the door.

"We don't have to stay here the whole ride, you know. I'm going to find my friends."

"I'll come with," James immediately offered, eager to find his own friends. "I need to say hello to Hestia in any case."

Lily glanced at James. "Hestia told me about you two."

"It's part of our arranged marriage." James explained. He was on tender ground with this topic since Hestia was Lily's best friend. If he complained about dating Hestia, he was sure that Lily would have a few choice words to say to him. "Not that I don't like her, she's a great friend. I just…"

"You don't feel _that_ way about her."

"Exactly!" James felt relieved, knowing Lily wasn't going to be angry with him for not liking her friend. It would be a silly thing to be angry over, but some girls he knew would find it horribly offensive. But then again, he's never had much of a good opinion of those girls anyway.

"Don't worry," Lily assured him with a kind smile. "She doesn't feel that way about you either."

L … J

The Great Hall was already crowded and buzzing with activity as Lily and her friends Hestia, Alice, and Emmeline made their way to the far end of the Gryffindor table.

"I can't believe we're seventh years!" Alice said, carefully stepping over the bench and taking her seat.

"It feels like just yesterday we were the ones up front being sorted," Lily agreed.

The large double doors swung open and Professor McGonagall strode in, leading a group of terrified looking first years to the front of the Hall.

Lily watched with interest as the Professor called out the names of the new students. One by one they ascended the stairs, sat on the rickety stool, and had the ancient sorting hat placed upon their heads.

She clapped with enthusiasm when any of the new students were sorted into Gryffindor, fondly remembering her own sorting experience.

She had been positively scared silly, a small girl from a completely muggle family, knees shaking quite obviously. Of course, it hadn't helped when a boy with extremely messy black hair and glasses had told her that they were going to be asked questions about magic. And if that wasn't bad enough, he had informed her that if she didn't know any of the answers, she was going to be sent home.

Lily glanced down the table at the still messy haired boy. Although James Potter was still a troublemaker, it was to a lesser extent than he had been in his younger years. He had grown up quite a bit within the last year.

The last first year scampered off to join his house table and the headmaster stood up. A hush fell over the students as they listened with anticipation.

"Welcome to another year. I have just a few words of wisdom to our new students that would also serve as a reminder to some of our older students," Professor Dumbledore paused briefly, his gaze aimed at the Gryffindor table.

Lily smiled to herself, knowing full well to whom Professor Dumbledore's glance was directed.

"The Forbidden Forest is, as its name suggests, forbidden. The Whomping Willow and the surrounding area are also off limits to students. Enjoy your meal."

The dishes were magically filled with all sorts of varieties of food and everyone began to fill their plates, talking with their fellow students about their respective summers.

L … J

Despite the large quantity of sweets they had eaten on the train, James and Sirius were still putting away vast sums of food.

"Where do you put it all?" Remus asked rhetorically, seemingly caught between disgusted by his friend's antics and impressed that they could hold so much food.

James finished chewing his pork chop and swallowed. "I've seen you eat your fair share before, Moony."

Remus smiled. "Not like you two," he motioned to Sirius who was spooning a rather large helping of mashed potatoes into his mouth.

Professor Dumbledore stood up again at the end of the feast to say a few words, and then the students began to head up to their Houses.

James waited for Lily and her friends to catch up and then fell into step next to Hestia. Just because he wasn't dating her by choice didn't mean that he should be anything but a gentleman towards her.

Hestia gave him a small smile. "How's the new Head Boy?" she asked.

James rolled his eyes with a grin. "Clueless. Are we supposed to lead the new students up to the tower?" he asked Lily.

"No, the prefects do that," Lily explained. "We're supposed to meet Dumbledore at his office for a brief meeting."

Reaching the staircase that led to Gryffindor Tower, James and Lily separated from the group and headed towards the headmaster's office.

"So…what's Dumbledore going to say to us?"

"Information about our duties, expectations," Lily shrugged. "Things like that."

"Oh. Fizzing whizbees."

"What?"

"The password," James motioned to the stone gargoyle that had moved aside to allow the wall to slide away to reveal a circular staircase.

"How did you know that?" Lily questioned as she stepped onto the moving spiral steps.

James grinned. "Lucky guess. I've been here quite a few times before. The password is always a kind of sweet. Fizzing whizbee was just the first thing I thought of."

"Good guess."

James knocked once and from inside a kind, warm voice called for them to enter.

As James stepped into the room he noticed Lily's look of complete awe. Having been to Dumbledore's office on a regular basis for six consecutive years, he had forgotten how he had felt when he had first entered this room.

The tall, sweeping arches and large windows gave the room the feel of a royal palace. Hundreds of well-worn books lined the walls on shelves and numerous magical gadgets covered the tabletops. It was enough to make anyone's head spin.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, Miss Evans," Dumbledore stood behind his cluttered desk. "Won't you please sit down?" he asked, motioning to the two cushy chairs placed in front of the desk.

All three took their seats and Dumbledore folded his hands in front of him on the desk.

"First of all, may I say congratulations, Mr. Potter and Miss Evans on being chosen as the Head Boy and Head Girl. I trust that you'll accomplish many fine things as the Heads of this school."

"Thank you Professor," Lily murmured, cheeks pink with blush.

James inclined his head formally in thanks.

The Headmaster continued on. "As you know, the Head students and prefects share a meeting room located close to the library. Please remind the prefects that the room is to be used for prefect meetings only. However, as Head Boy and Head Girl, you are allowed to use the room also as a sort of study area if you so choose.

"The room is only for the Head Students and prefects. Friends are not permitted in the meeting room. I know I can trust you two and although this goes without saying, I expect that no improper behavior will take place in the room."

"No worries there, Professor," James intoned solemnly.

Dumbledore smiled warmly. "As I said, I know I can trust you."

L … J

"I'm glad to be back at Hogwarts," Lily said as she and James made their way to Gryffindor Tower.

"Me too," James agreed. "I love my parents, but I always feel that this castle is more my home than the place where they live."

"I feel that way too. I don't have to hide my magical abilities here. People don't look at me funny because of the weird things that sometimes happen around me."

"You mean before you got your letter, the signs that meant you were a witch?" James asked.

"Yes, those," Lily laughed. "I remember the first time something odd I couldn't explain happened to me. I was five. My sister and I had gone to the park and were playing on the swings. We were seeing how far we could jump off them when I decided to swing as high as I possibly could and jump. I should have broken both my arms and cracked my head open, but I was fine. I didn't even get a bruise."

James smiled. "I had a similar incident. I wanted to see if I could fly without a broom so I jumped out of a third story window."

"At least you come from a wizarding family and knew what the signs meant. I had no idea. Strange things always seemed to happen around me. Some of the kids at my school were actually scared to come near me."

James glanced sideways at Lily. Her face reflected a tinge of sadness. He couldn't say he could blame her. Living for ten years thinking that you were abnormal must have been hard on her.

"I was so excited when I got my Hogwarts letter. I love it here. I feel as though I belong here, that I can make a difference here."

James nodded in an understanding manner and grinned - a crooked smile, one side of his mouth higher than the other. "I think we're going to make a great team. I'm looking forward to working with you, Lily Evans."

Lily smiled back warmly. "I think I'll enjoy working with you too, James Potter."

L … J


	2. Engagments and Betrothals

**Disclaimer:** The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

**Beta by:** ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Two: Engagements and Betrothals **

* * *

Dear James,

Your mother and I trust that you are enjoying the start of term. As this is your last year at school, I must impress upon you the seriousness of your schoolwork. Now is not the time to be playing childish pranks and such – as I'm sure you are aware, your duties as Head Boy and Quidditch captain are not matters to be taken lightly.

In regards to Hestia Albright, you have a duty there as well. Believe me; I will know if you are not being attentive towards her. I expect you to ask her to the next Hogsmeade outing.

Have a pleasant term,

Charles Potter

L … J

James crumpled the letter in his right hand and slammed the parchment down on the table, nearly upsetting Peter's goblet of juice.

"Careful, Prongs!" Peter snatched away his goblet and moved it to the other side of his plate.

"Sorry, Peter," James smoothed out the letter and passed it to Sirius. "Father sent me a letter," he said by way of explanation.

"Oh," All three boys said simultaneously, understanding at once.

L … J

James anxiously paced his dormitory trying to rally the courage to seek Hestia out and ask her on a date. Needless to say, he was failing miserably.

Even though he never complained much about his arranged marriage, James felt that things had gone too far. When he had come of an age when most boys started to take an interest in girls, his father had taken him aside and explained to him that he was not allowed to date because of his betrothal - it would be disloyal to Hestia and her family to do so.

James had never minded much, except for a few times when he saw his friends going on dates to Hogsmeade or when he had taken an interest in a girl. At age seventeen, James had no dating experience whatsoever.

Hestia was a perfectly nice person, about as nice as they came, but she just didn't spark any romantic interest in him. He wanted to date someone that he genuinely cared about in a romantic way. And Hestia wasn't that girl.

"Are you going to go ask her? Or should I go and get her?" Sirius asked, peering over the top of The Beater's Bible with a more than amused expression.

After throwing Sirius a look, James took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. He was going to do it. Right now. He boldly walked to the door and flung it open.

James stood still for a moment, staring at the blank wall opposite the doorway. Suddenly he felt the courage deflate out of him like air out of a balloon. He strode back into the room, slamming the door behind him.

L … J

Hestia sat in the common room, pouring over her History of Magic text, looking for the answer to question number seven. (In your opinion, which leaders of the goblin rebellions was the most effective in persuading wizarding officials to form a compromise?)

"Mind if I sit down?"

Hestia looked up to see a very nervous looking James Potter standing in front of her.

"Well, Lily's sitting in that chair; she just ran up to the dormitory to get her notes, but you can sit in this one," she motioned to the chair on the other side of her.

"That's fine," James pulled out the chair. "This won't take long…errr…" he stopped, turning red and looking extremely flustered. "What I mean is I can't stay long."

"Oh, okay."

James took a deep breath and clasped his hands together on the table in front of him. "Hestia, I was wondering…um…would you like to accompany me to Hogsmeade next Saturday?"

Hestia smiled knowingly. "You got a letter from your parents too?"

"Yes," James admitted, thinking of the letter he had received that very morning from his father. "But I was going to ask you anyway. I take my responsibilities seriously."

Footsteps could be heard coming from the girls' staircase and James stood up quickly. "Well, I'll see you around then."

"See you," Hestia smiled, giving him a small wave.

L … J

James breathed a sigh of relief. He'd never asked a girl out before. It was a whole new experience for him. Granted, Hestia had known he was going to ask her, but all but all the same, he felt much better now that it was done.

"Did you do it?" Sirius questioned with a hint of laughter in his voice as James stepped into the dormitory and threw himself on his bed.

"Course I did," James replied. "Did you think I was going to chicken out asking the girl I'm going to marry to go on a date with me?"

Sirius grinned, gray eyes sparkling. "Not really, but you must admit, it would have been rather funny."

"Prat."

L … J

"Sorry I'm late!" James apologized as he skidded into the prefect's meeting room. "Quidditch practice ran a little late."

Lily thrust a sheaf of papers and a calendar into James's hand. "Don't you run practice, being the quidditch captain and all?"

James colored and shuffled his feet a bit. "Er…yes, technically, but Adella wanted to go over some of the flying formations."

One of his fellow chasers, a sixth year named Adella Thompson, had wanted to do some extra practice. Since they did need the practice, James had found it hard to refuse. He rarely passed up an opportunity to play quidditch and tonight had been no exception.

"Ah, I see. So is it always going to be like this James? Will quidditch always come first?" Lily's voice was low and laced with anger, her eyes dark.

James hung his head. "I'm sorry Lily, really I am. From now on I'll schedule practice and meetings on different days."

"You do that," Lily hastily stuffed pieces of parchment into her shoulder bag.

It was then that James realized that he and Lily were the only ones in the room. "Where is everybody?"

"They left," Lily answered coldly. "The meeting ended five minutes ago. We waited for you, but when you didn't show, I made your excuses and we started without you."

"Lily…I truly am sorry…I forgot…I know that's not a good excuse, but before this year, I never had to worry about prefect meetings," He paused and his shoulders sagged. "This is what I was worried about. I've let you down…. I'll go now."

He turned to make his way toward the door when Lily stopped him by grabbing him gently by the arm.

James turned to face her, a questioning look on his handsome face. "Yes?"

"You haven't disappointed me."

"No?"

"No, you haven't. I was angry about something someone said to me earlier and when you didn't show up it just added to my frustration. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you, and for that I owe you an apology."

James smiled slightly. "You don't owe me an apology, Lily. I owe you one."

"Just do one thing for me."

"Anything," James promised.

"The next meeting is the same time next week. Do try to be on time," Lily requested with a hint of a smile.

James grinned. "For you, Lily, I'll even be early."

L … J

"Potter catches the quaffle and passes to Thompson. Thompson passes back to Potter, Potter passes to – oh no! The Slytherins take possession! Nott passes to Zabini, Zabini passes to – POTTER TAKES REPOSSESION OF THE QUAFFLE!"

Lily watched as James flew towards the Slytherin goal posts, scarlet and gold robes flying behind him. He looked very nice in the house colors, she noted.

"POTTER SCORES! 70 TO 60! GRYFFINDOR TAKES THE LEAD!"

The four girls cheered and clapped, jumping up and down. Remus clapped in a far more dignified manner while Peter waved a small Gryffindor pennant.

"Black almost unseats Nott with a bludger…Slytherin takes possession…IS THAT THE SNITCH!"

Both seekers were neck and neck flying at breakneck speeds after the tiny golden snitch. Suddenly, one of the Slytherin beaters, a surly looking seventh year, hit a bludger towards Gryffindor's seeker. Fortunately, it was a bad hit and he nearly took out his own seeker as well as his opponents'.

"PARKINSON NEARLY KILLS PERKS!" the student commentator yelled, pointing frantically at Thaddeus Nott, the offending Slytherin beater. "FOUL! FOUL!"

Madam Hooch blew her whistle and awarded Gryffindor one penalty shot while throwing Nott a disapproving look.

"Looks like James is taking the shot," Remus commented to Lily, who was to his immediate left.

"How do they decide?" Lily asked as she watched James fly to the line and catch the quaffle thrown to him by Madame Hooch.

"In cases like these where the player who was fouled isn't one who uses the quaffle, the Chasers decide amongst themselves or the captain picks."

"And since James is the captain, he gets the shot?"

"Not necessarily –" Remus was cut short by crowd's cheer as the quaffle sailed easily past the Slytherin keeper.

"POTTER SCORES AGAIN! 80 TO 60 GRYFFINDOR!"

"As I was saying," Remus said as he removed his hands from his ears, "just because James is the captain doesn't necessarily mean he takes the penalty shot. They all have to agree on who should take it. Apparently, they thought he was the best man for the job."

"He's our best chaser," said Peter.

"And he keeps his head in tough situations, which is highly important in this game," Remus agreed.

"Thompson passes to Potter, Potter passes to Spencer, Spencer passes to Thompson, SLYTHERIN STEALS THE QUAFFLE!"

"Slytherin scores! 70 to 80, Gryffindor still leading!"

This statement was received with much booing and hissing from the Slytherin section of the stands and a rousing cheer from the Gryffindors.

"Potter calls time-out!"

The Gryffindor team all flew towards the center of the pitch where James was waiting. They all faced their brooms inwards and huddled close for a few seconds before breaking and sending up a cry of, "Go Go Gryffindor!"

Heartened by the team's new found spirit, the Gryffindor students took up the cry as well, cheering on their team. "GO GO GRYFFINFOR! GO GO GRYFFINDOR!"

Madame Hooch blew the whistle to resume play and the game picked up with earnest. Slytherin managed to score twice more, but James scored three times for Gryffindor, keeping Gryffindor ahead by thirty points.

There was suddenly a collective gasp from the crowd as the seekers went into a steep dive. Everyone in the stands and even the players on the pitch seemed to hold their breath as the seekers continued to dive deeper and deeper. They were nearing the ground at an alarming rate; both had their arms outstretched…

"PERKS GETS THE SNICTH! 260 TO 90! GRYFFINDOR WINS! GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

The entire Gryffindor section exploded with cheers as Susanna Perks rose in the air with the snitch clutched triumphantly in her small fist. Even Remus was jumping up and down, any and all dignity forgotten.

The Gryffindor team landed in a tangle of bodies, everyone slapping each other on the back and hugging each other. As the team touched ground, the student crowd swarmed down to the field to meet them and offer their congratulations.

L …J

"Hey, Prongs?" Sirius called to James as he pulled off his sweat soaked quidditch robes.

"Hm?" James responded, throwing his arm guards into his locker in a haphazard manner.

"Can I borrow your cloak?" Sirius asked, placing special emphasis on the word cloak, meaning James's heirloom invisibility cloak. One of the secrets of the four boys' mischief was the invisibility cloak, which allowed them to move through - and even outside of - the castle undetected.

"What for?"

"Lily asked me to get some treats for the girls from Hogsmeade. I guess they're having a talk session tonight."

James stared at Sirius. "A _what_?"

"A talk session," Sirius shrugged. "You know - where they sit around and talk about which blokes they all fancy and hair, makeup and that sort of girl stuff."

"Why'd Lily ask you?" James frowned slightly.

"Oh, come on, Prongs, everyone in Gryffindor knows we sneak off to Hogsmeade and get food for victory parties. Who else would she ask?"

"Go ahead," James replied as he shut his locker with more force than usual. "But make sure you get _us_ something while you're there."

L … J

James sat on his bed, his hazel eyes quickly skimming a book about quidditch strategies, his keen mind absorbing the information.

The door to the boys' dormitory opened, revealing Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Remus was carrying a rather large Honeydukes shopping bag. Noise from the growing victory party in the common wafted up the stairway and into the room.

James looked up from his book and glanced at the bag. "Did you buy half the shop?" he inquired with a laugh.

"Very nearly," Remus lifted the bag onto the end of his bed with a small grunt.

"Where's Frank?" Sirius asked, referring to the other occupant of the dormitory.

"Downstairs, hoping to see Alice, I expect," Peter replied as he emerged out from under his bed, where he had been looking for one of his textbooks.

"Why doesn't he just ask the girl on a date if he fancies her so much?" Sirius unfastened the hooks on his cloak and threw it on the bed next to the Honeydukes bag.

"Maybe he's nervous about asking her out…" James shrugged. "So what did you bring us?"

Digging into the large bag, Remus drew out a number of boxes of chocolate frogs, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, a package of licorice wands, and a large assortment of other treats.

"Did you already give the girls their stuff?" Peter asked, getting up off his bed to rummage through the pile of candy.

Sirius nodded in affirmative. "I saw Alice downstairs so I gave it to her."

"So," James began, opening the box of Every Flavor Beans that Remus tossed to him, "We've been back at school for about a month and half now and we haven't pulled any pranks or stuff of that general nature. I think it's about time we did something to liven things up."

"Here, here!" Sirius intoned heartily.

"Anyone have any suggestions?" Remus asked through a mouthful of chocolate.

"We could explore that cave we found at the end of last year," Peter suggested. "Throw me a licorice wand or two, will you, Remus?"

James considered Peter's suggestion as he chewed on a spinach flavored bean. "Why don't we save that for a full moon? There's one coming up pretty soon, two weeks, I think."

"I was thinking something along the lines of some plants escaping from the greenhouse…" Sirius grinned, grey eyes twinkling with laughter. "Nothing that would hurt anybody, mind you, just something to give people a bit of a fright in the hallways."

"When?" James grinned, popping a few every flavored beans into his mouth.

"How about the Monday morning after the Hogsmeade trip?" Remus spoke up. "Say…six o'clock?"

"Perfect!" Sirius agreed, barely able to contain his excitement. "That way the plants will be out there, but Filch won't have a chance to get rid of them before classes start!"

"How do we sneak into the greenhouses?" Peter questioned as he stared up at the ceiling, drawing shapes in the air with his wand.

"Easy," Sirius waved hand in dismissal. "Crack the password, use the cloak and the map and we're all set."

"Excellent," James smiled thinking of his father's letter. "_Now is not the time to be playing childish pranks and such." _

On the contrary - now was the perfect time.

L … J

Lily sat in a circle on the floor of the seventh year girls' dormitory with her friends. In the middle of the circle was a large pile of assorted candy and empty wrappers. Much like Sirius had told James, the girls had spent the evening doing each other's hair, and talking about boys.

"Hestia, what's it like to be engaged?" Alice asked suddenly.

"What's it like?" Hestia pondered. "Well…it's not really _like_ anything. I don't really feel engaged, I just…am."

"When did your parents first tell you?" Emmeline questioned, leaning against the back of her bed.

"It was so long ago that I don't remember," Hestia admitted. "I've always known that when I'm twenty I'm going to marry James Potter and raise a family. That's just the way it was. But we've been formally betrothed since we were two years old, if that's what you mean."

"It must be odd to have been engaged to someone for fifteen years," Lily mused. "I mean, most people are engaged for one or two years before they're married."

"I never really think of us as being engaged. In my mind we're betrothed."

"Why don't you think you're engaged? Aren't they the exact same thing?" Emmeline asked as she carefully opened a chocolate frog box. Taking out the card, she glanced at it and then threw it in the ever-growing pile of cards she already owned.

"Well…yes, technically, but to my parents and the wizarding world elite, being betrothed means having your marriage arranged for you and engaged means having been proposed to and agreeing to marry someone. I didn't have a choice, so I see myself as betrothed," Hestia tried to explain.

Lily made a face. "I could never have someone arrange a marriage for me. I want to fall in love and spend the rest of my life with that man. I can't even begin to imagine being told whom I was going to marry and raise a family with. That's not love," Lily said, a look of fierce resolute in her emerald green eyes.

"I know," Hestia smiled ruefully, "But I've had the fact that I'm going to marry James pounded into my head almost every day of my life so it really doesn't matter anymore."

"It should matter!" Emmeline protested. "Why did your parents betroth you to him anyway?"

"Well, I'm an only child and the last of my family line and James is the only son and also the only heir to the Potter family. We were betrothed to keep the family name alive."

"Why you though?" Alice asked. "I mean, there are lots of girls from Wizarding families out there to choose from."

"I was available," Hestia answered. "There aren't many purebloods left, so options were always slim. Our parents are friends, so that had a lot to do with it."

"Don't you ever wish that you'd been allowed to go on a date? I mean, what's the harm in letting you go to Hogsmeade with a boy once in a while?" Emmeline questioned, switching positions so that she was lying on her stomach.

"Sure I do," Hestia picked up a Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean and popped it into her mouth. "But my parents said no, and that was the end of it. I think they were afraid I would fall in love with someone else."

"But your parents aren't here. In all technicality, couldn't you have gone out with someone behind their backs? Not that you would, but couldn't you have?" Lily asked.

Hestia smiled wryly, but shook her head in the negative. "Growing up in the wizarding world is different, Lily. Everyone who grew up the way I did knows that James and I are betrothed. All the purebloods and a good number of half-bloods know. James and I are off limits, Lily, and everyone knows it."

L … J

"Come on! We'll be late for dinner!" Lily urged her friends as the four girls made their way down to the Great Hall the following Tuesday.

They were almost there when Lily tripped on the fifth to the last step. Arms flailing, she reached for something, anything, to break her fall.

Then suddenly, a pair of strong arms was there, surrounding her and setting her back on her feet. Opening her eyes, Lily found herself face to face with Sirius Black.

"You okay there, Lily?" he asked, concern evident in his smoky gray eyes and in his deep, warm voice.

"I…I think so," Lily stuttered. Sirius still had his arms around her.

Emmeline and Alice glanced quickly at each other, sharing a knowing look. Behind Sirius stood James, Remus and Peter and while Remus and Peter wore identical smiles, James was frowning slightly.

Lily began to grow uncomfortable. "Thank you, Sirius," she said politely, yet with firmness, trying to convey to him that she was safe now and that he could remove his arms.

Sirius seemed to understand. "You're welcome," he said softly, looking directly into Lily's eyes as he slowly released her.

L …J

Lily sat on Emmeline's bed in the girls dormitory watching as Hestia tried to decide how to style her hair for her date with James.

"Is this too off the face?" Hestia asked Lily, turning around and posing, hands holding her hair in place.

"Why don't you just wear it the way you normally do?" Lily suggested tentatively.

"Lily!" Hestia dropped her hands to put them on her hips and as she did so her raven black hair fell from her face, cascading over her shoulders. "This is my first date! I want to look nice for James!"

"It's just a date with James," Lily reasoned.

"Just a date?"

"Yes, just a date. To the bloke you're going to marry anyway. There's no need to impress him."

Hestia sighed and crossed her arms. "But I want to look nice for James. Just because he can't break up with me doesn't mean that I should look like a complete hag."

"You are _not _a hag. You're about as far from it as humanly possible. And I didn't say you shouldn't look nice, you just don't have to look _that_ nice. This is only a trip to Hogsmeade. James won't wear anything particularly fancy either."

"Oh, fine," Hestia relented. "But what did you think of that hairstyle I showed you before?"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes.

L … J

"You should just stop while you're ahead," Sirius suggested as he rummaged through his trunk, apparently looking for something.

James scowled at his friend, but upon looking back in the mirror decided that Sirius was right. His hair was never going to lie flat in the back. It was just a fact of life. Giving his charcoal black hair one final brushing, he set the comb down on the dresser.

"Do I look all right?" James asked, turning around for observation.

"Suave. Debonair. Dashing," Sirius answered, his head still buried deep inside his trunk.

"You didn't even look! How can you tell if you can't see me?"

"I just know," Sirius waved a hand in James's general direction. "Ah ha!" He stood up with a bag of fireworks clutched in his right hand. "I knew they were in there somewhere."

"And just what are you planning to do with those?" James asked, folding his arms across his broad chest. He and Sirius had invented the fireworks Sirius was holding back in fifth year. They were more like sparklers in how much power they had behind them, but these fireworks were enchanted with something like tracking devices so that they followed the victim before being set off.

Sirius grinned. "They just might come in handy if I was looking to stir up some trouble with some Slytherins in our year. If you know what I mean."

James knew full well what Sirius meant, but the bag only contained six or seven fireworks and James had no doubt that if Sirius got bored with tormenting the members of Slytherin house that he would spy on his date with Hestia.

"I've got to be going," James grabbed his cloak from his bed and hurried out the door. He had told Hestia he'd meet her at the portrait hole and was glad to see that she had not yet arrived. The chivalrous Gryffindor in him felt that it would be rude to keep a girl waiting.

He stood near the tower entrance for a few more minutes, shifting nervously from one foot to another. A flock of butterflies must have taken up residence in his stomach because his insides felt rather jittery and he desperately wanted to retreat to the safety of his dormitory.

"Hi, James."

The voice made James jump and he turned to find Hestia standing behind him, looking rather nervous herself. Well, at least they were in the same boat, James reasoned.

"Ready to go?" James croaked, his throat feeling especially dry.

"Sure," Hestia replied with a small smile, and with that, they made their way through the portrait hole together.

L … J

* * *


	3. Best Friends and Spouses

**Disclaimer:** The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

**Beta by:** ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Three: Best Friends and Spouses**

…………………

"I love omnioculars," Remus grinned, bringing his pair up to his eyes. "They make everything so clear."

"Who cares about the focus?" Sirius scoffed, adjusting a knob on his pair of omnioculars. "It's the replay and pause features that are the best. Merlin, I love this shot of James. He looks like he's about to be ill."

Sirius handed the omnioculars to Lily, who, upon seeing the paused scene of James - who did indeed look rather green – laughed out loud. She leaned against the stone wall and covered her mouth with her hands, lest they be spotted.

Lily, Emmeline, (Frank had finally worked up the courage to ask Alice on a date, so she was absent) Sirius, Remus, and Peter were crouching behind a crumbling rock wall on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, watching James and Hestia scuffle their shoes in the dirt and look lost.

"Can I have a go?" Emmeline asked, and Remus handed her his pair.

"These things are brilliant," she commented as she brought them into focus. "I'm going to have to get myself a pair. Mind you, I won't be able to buy anything else for the rest of my Hogwarts career, but it just might be worth it.

L … J

Whatever Hestia had ever imagined a date to be like, this certainly wasn't it. She wasn't exactly sure what she had been expecting, but whatever it was, this couldn't be it.

Hestia didn't even know if this qualified as a date. Surely dates didn't involve standing in the middle of the road staring at your feet. They just couldn't.

She glanced around, looking for her friends, but they were nowhere to be seen. Her clear blue eyes met James' hazel ones and he cleared his throat in a nervous manner.

"Er…d -did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to visit?" he asked with a slight stutter, seeming unsure of what to do.

Hestia rubbed the toe of her shoe in the dirt of the street. "Well…I'd like to stop by Scrivenshaft's…that is, if you don't mind."

L … J

They're going somewhere!" Peter squeaked excitedly, giving Sirius his omnioculars back. Sirius peered through the lenses, straining to see what was happening.

"Are we going to find a new hiding place?" Emmeline inquired from her seat against the wall.

"Nope," Sirius answered with a slow grin. "We're going to follow them."

"How?" Peter asked. "Won't they see us?"

"Not if we use a Disillusionment Charm."

L … J

"Scrivenshafts?" Sirius muttered in a disgusted manner. "What the devil does James think he's doing? Honestly, who takes their date to a quill and ink supply shop?"

"Maybe they've spotted us?" Emmeline suggested as she watched James hold the door to the shop open for Hestia.

"Not possible," Remus countered. "Not at this distance, anyway. Unless the charms aren't functioning properly."

Everyone turned to look at Lily, who –being the best at Charms – had performed the spells.

"The charms are working fine!" Lily protested rather heatedly. "They haven't spotted us. Have we even spotted us?" She pointed to Sirius whose body was patterned like the exterior of Zonko's Joke Shop.

Sirius glanced at his middle, "Fair point. But then why are they going in there?"

"They just are," Peter said, impatiently tapping his foot. "Can we move on? I wanted to stop by Honeydukes."

"Well you guys can go wander off somewhere, but I want to know why they're going in there."

"Well be careful," Remus cautioned. "You know James told you not to follow him on his date."

Sirius waved off the advice impatiently. "He didn't say specifically not to, and besides, as his best friend it's my right to spy on him now and again. If I remember correctly, and I'm sure I do, he spied on my first date. Come on Lily."

Without so much as asking her if she wanted to spy on James and Hestia, Sirius grabbed Lily by the wrist and began walking towards Scrivenshaft's, dragging her along.

L … J

Scrivenshaft's was a small, crowded shop that carried not only your everyday ink, parchment, and quills, but also ink in unique colors, disappearing and invisible ink, and self writing quills. In the far corner, rolls of parchment were stacked nearly to the ceiling.

James stood in the back of the store reading the label on a small, round bottle of traceable ink when he heard something move behind him.

Turning around, he found that the other people in the shop were towards the front and nowhere near him. Shrugging his shoulders, figuring that he had been imagining things, James returned to his examination of the ink bottle.

"James?"

James turned around again to find Hestia standing behind him holding two different quills, one in each hand.

"Which one do you think I should buy? I can't decide."

"Er…" James took a step closer to Hestia so he could examine the quills at a closer range. He pointed to the quill in her left hand. "That other one is too gaudy."

"Gaudy?" Hestia glanced at the quill in question. "I thought it was rather pretty."

"Just like you thought that red, orange, and pink sweater was pretty, I suppose," James commented lightly with a teasing grin.

Hestia rolled her eyes but also smiled. "I was nine!" she protested. "Are you going to tease me about that awful sweater for the rest of time?"

James' grin only grew wider. "I have pictures."

"Blast."

"Want to walk around the village a bit?" he asked after a moment, trying desperately to think of things to do on a date.

"Sure," Hestia agreed. "Just let me pay for this."

L … J

"And what, may I ask, did this accomplish?" Lily hissed at Sirius as Hestia and James left the shop not having noticed Sirius and Lily standing in the corner watching them and listening to their conversation.

Sirius shrugged and grinned. "Time spent spying on my best mate is never wasted."

Lily threw up her hands in despair and left the shop in search of the rest of their group.

L … J

Hestia entered the Three Broomsticks with James following close behind her. Scanning the establishment, she spotted Lily at once, seated with the rest of their group in a large corner booth at the far end of the room.

Making their way over to the group, Hestia slid into the booth next Sirius and James sat down on her right. Glancing around, Hestia saw that Lily was sandwiched between Sirius and Remus, while Peter sat on Remus's right, and Emmeline was opposite James on the other side.

"So how was your date?" Sirius asked, then winced and glanced sharply at Lily. "I mean…how was your afternoon?"

"It was fine," Hestia answered slowly. "We walked around the village, and did a little shopping for school supplies."

"That sounds nice," Emmeline commented with a friendly smile.

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Did anyone try the new chocolate at Honeydukes?" Remus asked, fiddling with his empty glass.

Hestia shifted uncomfortably in her seat and glanced at James who was wearing a false smile and nodding. He looked much like she felt. Maybe she hadn't been missing anything, not being allowed to date…

L … J

"Got the cloak?"

"Check."

"Map?"

"Check."

"Do you figure out the password?"

"Check. I cracked it last night after detention with McGonagall."

"Good," James nodded swiftly. "Let's move."

L … J

Lily, Hestia, Emmeline and Alice were on their way to the first class of the morning, which happened to be Charms, when they rounded a corner and came face to face with a giant plant.

"Uh…L-Lily?" Emmeline stuttered, pointing at the large leafy object in front of them.

"_Stupify_!" Lily pointed her wand at the plant in an almost lazy manner. The plant stopped moving and fell over. "Mobilicorpus," Lily waved her wand again and the plant began to float under the direction of wand.

"You guys go on, tell Professor Flitwick that I'm attending to Head Girl business."

The other girls nodded and quickly headed off in the direction of the Charms classroom while Lily made her way to the greenhouses to see Profess Sprout about the escaped plant.

Coming around another corner, she was startled to find a group of first years battling another large plant. One of the boys waved his wand, shouted something, and flames shot out of the end of his wand setting the plant on fire.

"Stop!" Lily shouted as she ran towards the group. "Back away!"

L … J

"What happened?" Hestia whispered as Lily sank into the seat next to her in Potions, having missed Charms completely.

"Someone let some of the larger plants out of the greenhouses and charmed them to walk around the school," Lily answered, rubbing her hand against forehead wearily.

Alice leaned across Emmeline's desk towards Lily. "To what purpose?"

Lily shrugged and frowned. "To scare people, liven things up. I don't know."

Out of the corner of her eye, Hestia saw James and Sirius exchange a small high-five underneath the desks.

L … J

James was sitting at a table in the common room with Sirius and Remus putting the finishing touches on his essay on human transfiguration when Lily approached him.

"It's time to do hall patrols," she announced coolly, not looking at him, but rather the table.

"Oh, yeah…yeah," James rolled up his parchment and gathered up several books, a few spare quills, and an ink pot. "Just let me put this stuff up in my dorm and I'll be right there."

Making his way up the stairs as quickly as an armful of school supplies would allow, James groped for the doorknob, finally turning it, and entered the seventh year boys dorm.

Frank Longbottom lay on his stomach on his bed, which was the one closest to the door, pouring over a textbook of some sort. Peter was also lying on his bed, but working on an essay.

James walked to the far side of the dorm and dumped his things in an unceremonious heap on the top of his unmade bed. Sprinting back out of the room and down the stairs, James found Sirius talking to Lily by the portrait hole.

As she saw him coming down the stairs, she said something to Sirius and Sirius headed back to his schoolwork.

As James approached her, she asked "Ready?" James nodded and they climbed through the portrait hole.

The two walked in silence for a bit until James grew uncomfortable with the lack of communication and only the sound of their shoes on the stone floor.

"How was your day?" he asked, trying to sound cheerful and genuinely interested.

Lily frowned. "Well, my morning was rather rotten what with those plants wandering the halls. I missed Charms because I was helping Professor Sprout and Filch round them up."

James instantly felt guilty for his part in the escaping plants. As Head Boy he should have helped Lily get rid of plants – but he hadn't. When planning the escape of the plants, he hadn't considered that it might cause people some trouble other than being startled by seeing a plant moving down the corridors.

"I'm –" he started to say, and then stopped himself. He couldn't tell her he was sorry for letting the plants loose and charming them.

"Yes?" Lily probed, her expression mildly curious.

"I'm…sorry I didn't help you round them up and get them back to the greenhouses," James answered, glancing sideways at Lily to see if she believed him.

"That's all right, it was more bother than trouble," she responded. "Although I do wish you hadn't set them loose in the first place."

James tripped on raised stone in the flooring. "What? How did you know it was me?" He wasn't going to bother to try and deny it at this point.

Lily stopped and faced him. "Who else, James? Seriously, everyone knows you and your friends are the biggest troublemakers in the school."

James said nothing. There was nothing to say.

"I just….I'm not angry, I just wish…" Lily fought for the words she was searching for. "I don't mind when you charm the Slytherin's robes scarlet and gold or harmless stuff like that, but when you make more work for me and the other prefects, that's when I get frustrated, James."

James nodded. "I am sorry," he bit his lip. "I know it sounds a tad insincere after you've just told me off and all, but I am."

Lily clasped her hands together in front of her and nodded. "I know."

L … J

"I'm going to the hospital wing now, see you guys in a little while."

After Remus had been gone fifteen minutes, James threw open his trunk and pulled out his heirloom invisibility cloak. Folding it into a tiny square, James hid it in one of the pockets of his robes.

"Sirius, do you have the map?"

"Right here," Sirius patted the pocket of his robes. "Ready to go, Pete?"

Peter nodded and the three boys made their ways down the stairs and out of common room. Moving quickly down the hallways, a few secret passages, and down several flights of stairs, they soon reached the entrance doors.

The sun was rapidly setting, and it was already promising to be a cool night. Glancing to the right and left, James surveyed the area, then with a one fluid movement, threw the cloak over Sirius, Peter and himself.

"Let's go," he said softly and the boys set off across the lawn, headed for the Whomping Willow.

Once they were reasonably close, but not close enough to be hit by the tree, Sirius nodded to Peter, who transformed into a small gray rat and scampered underneath the flailing branches and pressed a large knot on the side of the trunk. The tree instantly went still and James and Sirius were able to walk under the branches and climb down into the tunnel underneath the willow. Peter transformed back into a human and joined the other two as they made their way down the tunnel.

The tunnel was long with a low ceiling and it was slightly damp and very earthy inside. The end of the tunnel opened up to a trap door that led to the Shrieking Shack where they would meet Remus.

It was here in the Shrieking Shack that Remus transformed into a werewolf every full moon. He had received his bite as young child, and it had seemed very unlikely that Remus would be admitted to come and study magic until Dumbledore had become Headmaster and allowed him to come to Hogwarts.

It hadn't taken James and Sirius long figure out their new friend's secret, and they had immediately begun to think of ways to help Remus. It was James who had thought of the idea to become animagi – a person who can turn into an animal at will – so they would be able to keep Remus company when he transformed. It was in the middle of their fifth year that they had finally begun to turn into their animagus forms. Sirius transformed into a large, black dog, Peter into a small, gray rat, and James into a slender, brown stag.

"Hey, Remus, it's us!" Sirius called down the dark hallway. He held up his wand. "Lumos!"

Down at the end of the hallway, James knocked on the last door on the right. "You in there, Remus?"

"I'm here," Remus called in a weak voice.

James opened the door to find Remus sitting on a broken down bed in the corner. Sirius and Peter followed behind him.

"It's almost time…I can feel it…" Remus clutched his stomach as a wave of pain swept through him.

Through the window, a beam of moonlight fell on the floor. Remus went rigid and James, Sirius, and Peter transformed into their animal states. And then Remus began to transform.

L … J

"Isn't it a lovely morning James?" Sirius asked with a mouth full of toast.

"No, it isn't." James replied. After a night spent at the shrieking shack and other places around the Hogwarts and Hogsmeade grounds, he was tired, and the prospect of having to sit through double potions first thing in the morning did little to lighten his mood.

"Oh yes it is!" Sirius countered. "Any morning that starts with breakfast can't be bad."

James had to smile at this. There were times when Sirius's happy-

go-lucky manner got slightly annoying, but most of the time, it was a welcome distraction from all that was going on in their lives.

L … J

"The Professor is out to get me," James announced as he and his friends made their way to their next class.

Remus sighed and dodged a group of giggly girls who were walking in a large cluster down the center of the hall. "Just because he's concerned for the welfare of the class does not mean that he has something against you personally."

"The welfare of the class? What are you on about Moony?" Sirius asked, feigning innocence.

"Oh, please," Remus scoffed. "You and James as potions partners is a lethal combination. Or did you forget the time you nearly blew up the classroom?"

"That was an accident," James explained calmly. "Mistakes happen. We're older and wiser now."

"He should trust us," Sirius agreed, throwing his left arm over Remus' shoulders in a brotherly fashion. "Give us another chance."

"If I remember correctly, the time you nearly blew up the potions room _was_ your other chance," Peter quipped as he struggled with one of the straps of his book bag.

"Oh bugger off."

The group passed a pair of younger students – a girl and boy. The boy was carrying the girl's books under one arm and holding her hand with his free one.

"James?" Sirius questioned tentatively as he watched the couple pass.

"What?" James replied in a voice that suggested he wasn't really listening, but thinking of something else entirely.

"Why don't you carry Hestia's books for her? Or hold her hand?"

James glanced sharply to his right, all his attention now focused on Sirius. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, those two were holding hands and he was carrying her books and…I dunno, whenever I go out with a girl, I usually hold her hand," Sirius answered with a slight shrug.

"Yeah, well, those two aren't being forced to date," James replied with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

L … J

Lily lay awake, tossing and turning. Flinging aside her covers, she grabbed a sweatshirt from a pile of clothes in front of her bed, a book off her nightstand, and quietly tiptoed down the stairs to the common room.

Apparently she had not been the only one who couldn't sleep because there, sitting in front of the fire, was James.

Lily stopped on the last stair and studied James for a moment. He was sitting cross-legged, hunched over, with his elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. His ebony hair needed combing, especially in the back, were it was practically sticking straight up.

Starring at him, Lily noticed for the first time just how handsome James was. Being female, she had certainly noticed him before, but now the sight of his face caused her stomach to perform an uncomfortable flip flop.

'_Get a grip on yourself Lily._ _He's betrothed to your best friend!'_ She mentally scolded herself.

"Anything the matter?" She asked kindly, hugging her book to her chest. "You look troubled."

James looked up, startled by her arrival. "Nothing earth shattering."

Lily bit her lip and made her way over to where James was seated. "Is it about Hestia?"

"Maybe," James was silent for a moment. "It doesn't feel right dating her. Hestia's like my sister. "We've been friends for so long, that our dating is just…ridiculous. I mean, we're friends. We could never love each other."

"Are you saying that people can't be best friends with their spouses?" Lily questioned as she sat down on the couch and tucked her legs underneath her.

"No," James amended. "I'm saying that it goes the other way. Spouses who love each other become best friends, not the other way around."

"What about people with arranged marriages like you? Are you saying that you can never love Hestia?"

"In a sense of true love, romantic love, yes, that's what I'm saying. I can feel a deep sense of admiration, respect and friendly love towards her, but never that burning passion."

"A burning passion often dies quickly. Friends can build a rapport and have something more durable that can stand the test of time."

"It doesn't always have to be a burning passion. Fireworks come first, but next can come a more quiet and gentle love, but something that still makes your heart beat faster at times. That's all I want."

"Well said," Lily smiled slowly. She had never heard it said better than that.

James stared into the fire, watching the logs turn to white-hot ash, his face reflecting sadness and bitterness. "But I can never have that."

L … J

James watched Lily as she slept. At a quarter to three, Lily had fallen asleep, her head resting on the arm of the couch. Unfortunately, sleep had continued to elude him.

Looking at Lily, he realized that he had never noticed how pretty her hair was. It was shoulder length, wavy, and a deep, rich, auburn color. The dying light from the fire reflected off of it, making it appear as if her hair were glowing. While she slept, strands of hair had fallen across the pale skin of her face.

James felt a sudden urge to reach out and touch her hair, to see if it was as soft as it looked. He tentatively reached out a hand, moving as slowly as he could without ceasing movement.

His fingers came to rest on her hair, barely touching the auburn waves. James gently pushed the soft tresses away from her face. He sucked in his breath when her eyelids fluttered briefly, but when she didn't stir he let out the breath he had been holding.

Leaning closer to her, he ever so softly pressed his lips to her forehead.

L … J

Light streamed through the windows, awakening Lily from her slumber. With a start she realized that her hand was touching something soft and furry feeling. Sitting up slightly, she realized that the thing her hand had been resting on was James' head.

She sat up quickly, jerking her hand away. Below her on the floor, James let out a groan. Lily peered at him over the edge of the sofa to see him rubbing the top of his head.

"Sorry," she said softly, not wanting to startle him.

When James turned to face her, his expression softened and he grinned. "That's all right."

The sound of creaking stairs reached their ears, and then Sirius came bounding down the staircase from the boys dormitory, Remus and Peter in tow.

Spotting James on the floor and Lily on the couch, he stopped short, causing Remus to crash into him from behind.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

L … J

"Where were you?" Hestia asked as Lily tried to slip in the dormitory unnoticed.

"Don't scare me like that," Lily chided as she shut the door quietly. Making her way across the room, she opened her wardrobe and began rummaging through it, looking for her shower things.

"You're trying to change the subject," Hestia accused as she combed through her wet hair.

Lily shut the wardrobe doors with a snap. "No, I'm not."

"Then why won't you tell me where you were?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. Where is everyone?" Lily asked, realizing for the first time that she and Hestia were the only girls in the room.

"In there," Hestia pointed towards the closed bathroom door. "Alice wanted to have Emmeline do her hair. She wanted to look nice for Frank."

"Oh."

Lily shifted from one foot to the other. "I fell asleep in the common room."

"Is that all?" Hestia questioned with a puzzled expression. "You could have told me that."

Lily looked away from Hestia's gaze and focused on her pillow instead. "I just didn't think it was that important."

Hestia nodded, but something inside her told her that there was more to the story than Lily was willing to share.

* * *

**Review Responses**

**Sarah Warder:** I promise things will work out all right in the end. Well, my story is AU (alternate universe, just in case you don't know what that means) so obviously some things are going to be different, but I'm going to stay as true to the original story as much as my plot will allow. I will say though, that, for the sake of the story, James' parents are going to be much different than the way they're described in Book 5.

**Rose:**You make a really good point, and I did think of that while I was writing this chapter and before I posted it. Yes, in all technicality, Lily would probably already know about the terms of a wizarding arranged marriage, however, for the sake of the reader, I had to explain it some time. There are a few things Lily doesn't know yet, though, which will come up later. My other reason for Lily not knowing before now is that Hestia and James are just now being forced to date. As I said in the story, they're been engaged for a long time, but at Hogwarts they run in similar but separate circles, so they've never spendt great amounts of time with each other at school until this year when the certain people of the two groups are thrown together. It's never realty been an issue –they were engaged, that was it. Nobody worried about it. And yes, James is supposed to be cocky and arrogant, but by his seventh year, he's also supposed to have grown up and realized he was an idiot. So, since we're in seventh year, he's not quite as cocky, although we may see hints of that former personality comes through now and then.

**justdreem:** Thanks! Well, I can't tell you if Sirius and Lily will get together, but I think you'll be able to figure it out for yourself pretty soon.

**Elspeth Renee:** Yes, we'll see more of nervousness from Hestia and James and definitely some more James jealousy.

**chatty291:** Sorry I did not update asap, but I really want to get my other story finished before school starts, so I've been working like crazy on that one and I did a whole bunch of revision on this chapter. Hope it was worth the wait!

**Queen Of Day Dreams: **It very well may have been an error. Between my beta reader and I, we catch most of them, but every once and a while, one slips by unnoticed. The Prongs shaped cookies were really good! Thanks:-D

**Hazel Maraa**: Thanks! Sorry this update wasn't exactly soon, but it needed a lot of revision. This chapter only vaguely resembles how it was when I first started writing it!


	4. Realizations

**Disclaimer:** The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

**Beta by:** ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Four: Realizations**

* * *

James laid on his back on his four-poster bed in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory, mentally kicking himself for what had transpired the night before.

How could he have been so stupid? Pushing Lily's hair back and kissing her forehead? What if someone had walked down the stairs and seen him? He would have been in more trouble than he'd ever been in his entire life, and considering the number of times he'd been sent to Dumbledore's office, that would be saying something indeed.

However careless his actions, James could not lie to himself – he had enjoyed the feeling of Lily's skin beneath his lips and had enjoyed watching her in peaceful sleep.

James groaned aloud and brought his hands up to cover his face. Bloody hell, he fancied Lily Evans.

L … J

Over the next several weeks, James did his best to forget any feelings he might have for Lily, but rather than diminish, his feelings seemed to intensify.

Thinking that avoiding her could possibly do the trick, James set out to make himself scarce each time Lily was in the general vicinity. This proved to be more difficult than he had originally anticipated since he not only had to see her in nearly all of their classes, but had to patrol the halls with her, and also see her at all the prefect meetings. And since Lily was now a more prominent figure in his group of friends, she seemed to be around quite a bit.

In an effort to keep Lily out of sight, James took to hiding out in his dormitory, the library, and the Prefect's meeting room. But after two weeks, James decided that this not only looked highly suspicious, but was also a little rude as he had always done homework with his friends.

Upon realizing this, James went back to doing homework with his friends in the Gryffindor common room. Of course, his group of friends now included Lily. And James was back were he started.

L … J

**Mass Muggle Killing Near Brighton**

Late last night the Ministry of Magic confirmed that You-Know-Who and his supporters are behind the latest muggle attacks near Brighton. Aurors speculate that nearly fifteen muggles were killed in the attack. Several homes were also destroyed.

The muggle government is telling the muggles that the source of the deaths is the result of a leak in the gas pipe system. Meanwhile, the Ministry is urging the wizarding community to remain calm. "Nothing can be gained by panicking," said an anonymous ministry representative.

- - - - - - - - - -

Lily lowered the _Daily Prophet_, her eyes staring straight ahead but seeing nothing.

"Lily?" Hestia asked, sounding concerned. "What is it?"

"More muggle killings."

Emmeline, whose mother was a muggle, snatched the _Prophet _and began reading.

"When will this all stop?" Hestia asked to no one in particular. "I don't understand why everyone can't just live together in peace."

"I don't know," Alice replied, pushing her untouched eggs around on her plate. "But when I'm an Auror, I'm going to make sure that the Death Eaters are brought to justice."

L … J

Lily sat in front of the fire in the Prefects meeting room; her Potions essay and several books lay forgotten on the circular meeting table.

The article in the _Daily Prophet_ had been on her mind all afternoon, and she had found it hard to concentrate on her studies. The stories of Voldemort and his Death Eaters torturing and killing muggles…Her parents were out there, unprotected…

A few tears formed in the corner of her eyes and before Lily could stop them, they ran down her cheeks.

The door suddenly opened, and James Potter strode in with his bag slung over his shoulder. It would seem that he had just come from quidditch practice because his hair was even wilder looking than ever, and his face was red with windburn. His robes looked disheveled, as though he had dressed hurriedly and without paying particular care to his appearance.

When James spotted Lily sitting in front of the fire, he stopped in his tracks.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here," he rambled. "I was just looking for somewhere quiet to work, but if you want to be alone, I can --"

"You can work here, I don't mind." Lily wiped the tears from her eyes, and stood up to move her things so James would have room to work.

At that moment, James seemed to realize that something was wrong. He ducked his head slightly to try and see her face properly, but Lily purposefully turned away from him.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked, moving so that he could look her in the eye.

"It's nothing."

"It's about that article in the _Prophet_, isn't it?"

"Maybe… Yes. I'm just so worried, James," Lily broke down. "You know my parents are muggles – they're defenseless against Voldemort and his Death Eaters. I haven't told them about any of it, and I can't help thinking that I'm wrong for keeping them in the dark. They don't know what's out there…"

Tears streamed down Lily's cheeks, and she brought her hands up to hide her face. She felt James slowly put his arms around her and draw her close. Instinctively, she leaned into him, crying into his shoulder.

"Feel better?" James asked after Lily had cried herself out.

Lily nodded. "A little."

James moved to sit down on the couch, and taking Lily's hands, pulled her so that she sat down next to him.

"I know you worry about your family, Lily," James began, "I worry about mine too. My father's the head of the Auror Department at the Ministry. But would telling your parents about Voldemort really make any difference to them?"

"At least they'd know what they're facing."

"They wouldn't be able to defend themselves against Voldemort even if they wanted to, Lily. They can't hide from them either. Why tell them only to have them live in fear? And who knows, they might not be attacked at all. Why worry them needlessly?"

Lily eyes filled with tears again, but she nodded. "You're right…I – I just…my parents and my sister are all I have," she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Don't be stupid," James smiled as he leaned forward towards Lily and brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face tucking it behind her ear. "You have Hestia, Alice, and Emmeline. And you've got Sirius, Peter, Remus…and me."

Lily smiled slightly at the truth of James' words. "I know, but they're the only family I have. I love my parents and even if my sister, and I don't see eye to eye on _anything_, she's my sister and I have a familial love for her. I'm just scared that something will happen to them, and then it will just be me. If something happens to them, I'd be all alone."

James laughed softly. "Didn't I just tell you? You would not be alone. But God forbid something were to happen to your family, do you think we'd just let you live on the streets?"

"No," Lily smiled weakly.

"We're your friends, Lily. We're here to take care of you when you need us and vice versa."

"Thank you, James," Lily smiled and put her arms around his neck, giving him a friendly hug, which he returned. "James?" Lily asked hesitantly after a second.

"Yes?" he answered, pulling out of their embrace.

"There's been something I've wanted to say to you for a while, but I guess I didn't know how to say it," Lily began. "I just wanted to say how much help you've been as Head Boy. I'll admit I had my doubts about you given your past history, and since you were never a prefect, but you haven't let me down at all. In fact, you've done more than your share of the work. I know it can't be easy when you also have your quidditch duties and schoolwork, so I just want to say thanks."

She grinned sheepishly, awaiting his answer.

"You – You're welcome, I guess," James stuttered. "You work really hard too though, and you've helped me out loads."

After a moment, Lily stood. "I'd better get to work on my essay," she motioned to her forgotten school work on the table. "But thanks, James, for letting me cry on your shoulder."

"Any time, Lily. Any time."

L … J

James watched as Lily worked on her essay. She was re-reading what she had written and frowning at the parchment in obvious frustration.

He forced himself to look away and concentrate on his own essay. Well, that was certainly easier said than done.

James kept remembering the way his heart had started beating wildly, and his hands had become a tad clammy when Lily had told him that she had something to say to him.

Then, when all she had done was thank him, he had felt a keen sense of disappointed at the thank you. Certainly, he appreciated the thanks, but even if it was impossible, "thanks" was not what he wanted to hear her say to him.

L … J

James sat eating breakfast in the Great Hall with Sirius, Remus, and Peter, (the girls had chosen to cluster at the far end of the table with some sixth years) when a large screech sounded the arrival of the morning post.

Owls of every size and breed swooped into the massive room, delivering their letters and parcels to the students. A small, tawny owl with snow clinging to its feathers dropped a letter onto James's plate and settled on his shoulder, nipping his ear in an affectionate manner.

"Hey, Seeker," he greeted his owl. Taking a piece of bacon off his plate, James fed the strip of meat to the bird. Clamping the bacon securely in her beak, Seeker hooted in thanks and took flight again, disappearing from sight.

James picked the letter up off of his plate and examined it. He recognized the writing as his fathers, and flipping the letter over, he saw the Potter crest in the scarlet wax seal. Opening the letter, he read through it, frowning at what was written.

"Something the matter, mate?" Sirius asked, noticing James' stormy expression.

James folded the letter and stuffed it in his bag. "The same as usual: just my parents assuring me that Hestia is a wonderful girl, and that I'm lucky to be marrying her."

"Another one of those letters, huh?" Peter sympathized.

"Hogsmeade weekend coming up," Remus reminded the three boys. "What are we doing?"

"Well, we all know what I'm doing," James reached for this fifth slice of toast. "Pass the jam will you?"

L … J

The day was sunny, but deceptively cold. The students wandering about Hogsmeade were all bundled up in their winter cloaks, scarves, gloves and hats.

"How do you like working with Lily?" Hestia asked as she and James strolled down one of Hogsmeade's many winding streets.

James grinned. "She's so efficient and organized it's scary. But she does her share of the work and keeps me on my toes."

Hestia smiled and pulled her scarf more tightly around her neck. "Sounds exactly like Lily. She always was the most organized in our group. She tries to make the rest of us organized – you can guess how well that goes. In spite of this defect in her personality," Hestia joked, "she is still my best friend and one of the nicest people I know."

"She is that," James agreed whole-heartedly as the two passed Gladrags Wizarding Wear.

"I wish she would go out with someone; then we could double date," Hestia said, almost to herself. "Maybe Sirius…he seems to have taken more than a passing interest in her."

James stumbled on a slippery patch of ice and ended up on his backside in the snow. Feeling his face and neck grow rather warm, despite the cold, he hastily scrambled back on his feet.

L … J

Lily was walking alone down one of the many side streets of Hogsmeade on a quest for Christmas gifts for her friends, when a pair of muscular arms circled her waist and lifted her clear off the ground.

Lily screamed and kicked wildly, trying to get away from whoever held her. Swinging her arm back with all of her might, her balled fist met someone's face. With a grunt of pain, her captor released her, and she fell to the ground.

"Bloody hell, Lily!"

Lily picked herself up and turned quickly around, pulling her wand out of her pocket. A young man with black hair knelt in the snow, clutching his right eye.

"Sirius Black! I ought to hex you into the next street!" she seethed, teeth clenched, pointing her wand at his face in a threatening manner.

"I was just joking around with you," Sirius explained sheepishly. As he rose to his feet and approached Lily, he was startled to her see that she was shaking.

"Lily? Are you okay?" He gently laid a hand on her arm.

"I'm fine," Lily explained. "I was just so scared for a moment. It could have been anyone…"

A door was flung open and a tall, spindly wizard came running out of a shop on their right, his wand at the ready.

"Are ye awroight there, miss? Is that lad botherin' ye?"

Lily had half a mind to tell the man that yes, Sirius was bothering her, and to feel free to take defensive action, but refrained from saying such.

"No, no, I'm fine. I just saw a spider."

"A spider?" The man let his wand drop to his side.

"Yes," Lily nodded. "You see, I'm terribly afraid of them. But he," she pointed at Sirius, "saved me from it."

The man shrugged his bony shoulders, and giving Sirius one last apprehensive look, returned to his shop, closing the door with a loud click.

"Good of you not to turn me over to that bloke," Sirius thanked Lily, giving her an appreciative look. "So…what are you doing wandering around by yourself like this? A pretty girl like you shouldn't be walking about the village alone."

"I'm doing Christmas shopping," Lily replied suspiciously. "Why?"

Sirius grinned in the charming manner he had that attracted so many girls, but did nothing for her. "Mind if I tag along with you? I need to do my shopping too, and I can't do it when I'm with my friends, now can I?"

"No, I guess not," Lily consented, although she rather wished he would leave her alone. He'd shown a romantic interest in her lately, and at the moment she felt that she could do without him following her around. "But you scare me again, and I'll be forced to hurt you."

"You couldn't hurt a fly, Lily," Sirius laughed, his smoky grey eyes crinkling at the corners.

Lily reached up and touched the area directly below Sirius's eye, which was already turning black and blue.

Sirius winced at the light pressure to his injury. "I'll behave."

L … J

"Mind if we stop into the quidditch shop for a moment?" James asked, gesturing to the shop, where a group of students were standing in front of the store window, staring at the latest broom model.

"Fine by me," Hestia consented, and the pair made their way towards the building.

As soon as they entered the shop, James' gaze was drawn to two people standing in front of a display of broom polish. As James watched, Sirius moved closer to Lily and set his hand on her shoulder. Leaning closer to her, he said something in her ear. Never before had James felt such an urge to haul off and punch his best friend in the face.

To his extreme surprise, when Sirius turned around, James found that his friend's eye was already a bit puffy and bruised looking.

"Prongs!" Sirius greeted his friend, slapping him affectionately on the back.

"What happened to you?" James asked, pointing to Sirius's right eye.

"That would be my fault," Lily admitted as she joined her friends.

Hestia and James stared at the small redhead in disbelief, both unable to comprehend the fact that Lily would hurt anyone, let alone one of her friends.

Lily saw the disbelief in their eyes and laughed. "Believe me, he had it coming."

James stared long and hard at Lily. "You punched him in the eye?"

"It's a long story. Let's go over to Three Broomsticks and discuss it over a nice, warm butterbeer," Sirius suggested, already making his way to the door.

L … J

The morning post arrived halfway through breakfast and Hestia's owl, Mercury, dropped a letter on her plate. Picking the letter up, Hestia flipped it over and broke the wax seal with her fingernail.

Reading the letter, her face broke into a wide smile, which was a rare occasion when the letter was from her mother.

"Lily!"

"Hmm?" Lily responded, looking up from the textbook she had been reading.

"Mother says that you can come for a few days during holiday after Christmas. You can come three days before the term resumes, and then we'll take you to King's Cross."

"That's great," Lily replied. "But I'll have to owl mum and dad and ask them first. When does your mum need answer?"

"Um…" Hestia scanned the letter. "She doesn't say. But I'd say at least a week before break."

"All right," Lily agreed with enthusiasm. "I'll send mum a letter tonight."

L … J

"James Potter in possession of the quaffle, he passes to Spencer, who passes to Thompson…Thompson scores! Gryffindor leading Hufflepuff 130 to 60!"

Lily cheered as James flew by and waved at their group. _Our house colors really do look very nice on him…_ Lily found herself thinking the same thoughts she had during the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match.

"Hufflepuff beater Finch aims a bludger at Potter, but Potter dodges it –a superb piece of flying from Potter there – Spencer steals the quaffle and passes to Potter who scores! 140 to 60!"

L … J

"You played a good game today."

James glanced at Lily as they patrolled the halls. "Thanks," he felt his stomach perform an uncomfortable flip fop at her praise.

Lily stopped and listened. "I thought I heard something. I'll go check it out real quick – be right back."

Making her way down the dark hallway, Lily held her wand aloft. Turning to the right at the end of the corridor, she came face to face with a sixth year Slytherin by the name of Joshua Ricketts.

"What are you doing out of bed, Ricketts?" Lily asked, trying to sound intimidating.

"What do you care, Evans? It's none of your business what I'm doing."

Lily raised her chin in defiance. "I'm the Head Girl – it is my business why you're out of bed."

"You may be Head Girl, but you're still a mudblood, and you can't tell me what to do, Evans. Why don't you just go back and live with your muggle parents where you belong?"

"She belongs here."

From out of the darkness came James. His eyes were bright and blazing with anger. His wand was tightly clutched in his right hand.

"You're such a mudblood lover Potter," Ricketts sneered, his hand drifting toward his side, where his wand was undoubtedly located in a pocket.

James raised his wand and pointed it right between the Slytherin's eyes. "Don't you ever call Lily that again or you'll answer to me. Ten points from Slytherin for being out of bed after curfew. Now get back to your common room where you belong, or it'll be ten more."

Ricketts gave Lily one more glare, then turned on his heel and strode away into the darkness.

"Come on, Lily," James took her hand and led her away.

Lily looked up into James' soft hazel eyes and felt her heart skip a beat. "Thank you, James."

"Don't mention it," James smiled, giving her hand a squeeze. "You're worth twenty of him, and don't you ever forget it."

Lily smiled and knew that James meant every word that he said, and that what he said was true.

L … J

"So…what's going on with you and Sirius?" Hestia asked Lily as the two girls searched the library for books on the Goblin Wars of 1586.

"Nothing," Lily replied truthfully, reading the spine of a book that looked like it was covered in mold.

"What do you mean nothing?" Hestia demanded. "_Something_ has to be going on. Everyone notices the way he looks at you."

Lily sighed and turned to face Hestia. "Whatever feelings Sirius may have for me, I don't return them."

"Are you sure about that?" Hestia asked lightly. "I mean, he _is_ quite good looking, and he's brilliant of course…"

"Yes, I'm sure!" Lily loudly replied, causing several people to look her way with curious expressions. "I do not fancy Sirius Black in the least," she continued at a softer volume. "I just…when I think of someone who could spark a romantic interest in me…it isn't him."

"Well then you better let him know you're not interested, because right now he thinks you are. Or could be, at the very least."

"I know," Lily covered her face with her hands, thinking of someone she could have more than platonic feelings for. When Lily thought of a guy she could have feelings for, she thought of someone who would let her cry on his shoulder, who would always find a spare moment to spend with her, someone whose smile could brighten her day…

She thought of James.

* * *

**Review Responses**

**Queen Of Day Dreams:** Well, I think after this chapter your questions about James liking Lily and Lily liking James are answered! Although Lily really wasn't in denial last chapter, se just hadn't realized her feelings yet.

**All About Eve:** At this point, I really don't know how long this story is going to be. I'm sure it won't be more than fifteen chapters though. Maybe ten? Thanks for the review!

**Abarraine:** Thanks, I will!

**Boo Bear the Small:** I promise that Sirius won't be hurt too badly. His interest in Lily doesn't run as deeply as James' does; it's more of a passing interest. So he may be a bit bummed for a bit, but he's not going to pine after her or anything.

**rubic-cube:** Well, by now you know that Lily is not going to go out with Sirius, so that should make you happy:-) I don't like them together either. Sirius liking Lily was just a plot device to help James to realize how he felt about Lily.

**rainbowishprincess:** Thanks! That was such a nice review! I'm glad that you think the characters are still "in character" even in an AU story! I am trying!

**sumrandomperson:** I agree with you about parts of "In This Journal" not being very good. I really look back on it and I don't like it very much anymore. I like "This is Not a Journal" much, much better. But I think that is my best work. I've put a lot of effort into it. Thanks and please keep reading!

**sugur-huny-bun:** Thanks!

**Cilverblood:** Don't worry; Sirius and Lily are not going to go out. It would ruin it for me too! I don't like Lily/Sirius pairing much either. Sirius having a thing for Lily is just for plot purposes; it's not going anywhere.


	5. Suspicions

**Disclaimer:** The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

**Beta by:** ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Five: Suspicions**

* * *

There were only a few days left until the holidays, and the décor at Hogwarts greatly reflected this fact. Suits of armor whistled Christmas carols, mistletoe floated about the castle, the staircases were festooned with garland, and there were three large Christmas trees in the Great Hall.

The students were becoming restless and more than one student could be found staring longingly out of a window in every class. In particular, Sirius Black could be found walking the hallways singing revised Christmas carols in a rather off-key voice.

Lunch had just ended, and students were filing out of the Great Hall in a large mass. When on their way to charms, Lily heard a voice from the crows call her name.

"Lily! Hey, Lily!"

Lily stopped walking and turned to find Sirius Black pushing his way through the crowded hallway in an attempt to get to her.

Behind her, Emmeline giggled loudly. Lily turned to ask Emmeline what was so funny, when she spotted a sprig of mistletoe floating above her head.

_Oh no! _she thought. Mistletoe above her, and Sirius hurrying towards her…it didn't take a genius to figure out what he had on his mind.

Turning back around, Lily found that Sirius had reached her. He was standing a little too close for Lily's comfort, and she was about to tell him so when, in a move worthy of a romance novel, he thrust out his right arm pulled her close, brought his left hand up to her face, and soundly kissed her.

Lily had planned to stop Sirius before he was even given the opportunity to kiss her, but the whole thing had happened so suddenly that she hadn't been given the chance.

While it was not by any means a bad kiss, Lily could not help feeling that there was something wrong…like she was kissing the wrong person.

Several people in the corridor cheered and a few whistled, causing Lily to come back to her senses. As Sirius tried to deepen the kiss, Lily pushed him away.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, taking a deep breath and subconsciously bringing her hand up to touch her mouth.

"Well, I _was_ kissing you," Sirius smirked. "Care to have another go at it?" he leaned towards her again, but this time Lily was ready. She took a step backwards and held a hand in front of her as though to ward him off.

"Look Sirius, I just don't feel that way about you," Lily began, and Sirius's face adopted a wary look.

"But I thought- " he started, but Lily cut him off.

"I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression, Sirius. Truly I am. I – I just…I _can't._"

"Can't? Or won't?" Sirius questioned, becoming slightly defensive. He crossed his arms in front him, his face darkening. "You're not seeing anyone are you?"

"Well, no," Lily stammered. "But -"

"Good," Sirius's expression brightened considerably, and he reached out a hand and tousled her hair. "Until you're taken, don't expect me to give up entirely."

With that parting statement, Sirius strode off down the corridor leaving Lily quite stunned. He wasn't going to give up? Had she not spelled it out for him? She may not have been dating someone, but her affections were elsewhere these days.

Lily looked up, and her eyes met a familiar pair of hazel eyes hidden behind circular, wire rimmed glasses.

_James_.

That was what had been wrong with that kiss… she didn't want to be kissing Sirius; she wanted to be kissing James.

L … J

Remus watched as Lily and James stared each other down in the hallway. He felt an uncomfortable settling in his stomach at the sight.

He had his suspicions about what those looks meant. He only hoped that he was wrong.

L … J

There was a spring in James' step as he sauntered down the corridors towards Charms. He felt wonderful. Absolutely brilliant.

Sirius had been so sure that Lily would respond agreeably to the kiss, but she hadn't. Maybe there was a chance for him yet.

James stopped in his tracks. He couldn't allow himself to think that things like that. Even if Lily were to care for him, it could never work out. It didn't matter whether or not she fancied him, or he fancied her. He was going to marry Hestia.

For the first time in his life, James felt a burning resentment towards Hestia. Why did he have to be stuck with her against his will?

As quickly as the thought had surfaced, James felt guilty. Hestia had not asked to be forced into an arranged marriage. She didn't want to marry him any more than he wanted to marry her.

L … J

Sirius wandered through the dark corridors, his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his trousers. The only light came from the flickering torches burning in their racks mounted on the walls.

Lily Evans had rejected him…

He was still reeling from the shock. She had _rejected_ him. Sirius couldn't remember the last time that a girl had done such a thing.

Why had she done it? He had been sure that, after the incident when he caught her on the stairs and they looked into each other's eyes, she was interested in him. Had he been wrong?

"I _can't._" Those words kept echoing in Sirius's mind. She couldn't. What did that mean? Why couldn't she? What was stopping her?

Or was it…_who_ was stopping her?

L … J

"What do you mean you can't?" Emmeline ranted, waving her hands in the air as she paced the length of the girls' dormitory. "Do you realize what some girls would give to have Sirius Black – THE Sirius Black – corner them under mistletoe and kiss them like that?"

Lily sighed and ran a hand over her face, weary of repeating the fact that she had no feelings whatsoever for Sirius Black. "Emmeline….I just…I don't fancy him."

"Why not?"

"He isn't what I'm looking for," Lily answered with what she considered to be a simple, plausible answer.

Emmeline looked to Alice and Hestia who, sprawled on Alice's bed, were reading the most recent edition of Witch Weekly. "Help me out here!"

"You can't force her to date Sirius," Alice tried to reason, flipping the page rather indifferently.

"I think you and Sirius would make a cute couple," Hestia hinted with a smile. "And you could double date with me and James."

Lily rolled her eyes. "As much fun as _that_ would be, I'll have to decline."

"Come on, Lily, what's the real reason you won't date Sirius?" Emmeline pressured.

"I just don't want to," Lily cried exasperatedly. Flopping back on her bed, she covered her face with her pillow.

Emmeline continued her pacing for a moment, then cried "A ha!"

"What?" Hestia asked, looking up from an article on the benefits of color changing nail polish.

"The reason you don't want to date Sirius," Emmeline announced in a victorious voice, "is because you already fancy some other bloke!"

Hestia whipped her head around to stare at Lily while Alice looked thoughtful, chewing on her bottom lip.

"I hadn't thought of that…" Hestia pondered.

"Hestia Albright! Get that idea out of your head this minute!" Lily sat up, the pillow falling off her face and on to the floor.

"Her face is red; we must be on the right track…" Emmeline mock whispered in a conspiratorial manner to Alice.

"I have some research to do," Lily excused herself from the group and hurried down the stairs, nearly bumping into a second year in the process.

As she walked through the hallways, Lily wondered what she was going to do. She couldn't just wish away her feelings for James…And how long could she keep her secret hidden?

L … J

"Bye Lily!"

"Bye Hestia!" Lily called to her friend as they walked their separate directions from Platform 9 ¾ . "See you soon!"

Hestia smiled and waved one last time before fading into the crowd. The station was packed with muggles traveling to be with their families over the holidays. People were scurrying to and fro, bumping into one another and jostling fellow travelers.

Lily felt a hard tap on her left shoulder and turned to find Sirius Black standing behind her with a decisive look upon his face.

After the embarrassing mistletoe incident, Sirius had pretty much left Lily alone despite his statement that he would not give up on her entirely. Sirius had by no means avoided her, but it was clear to Lily that he was giving her some space. Every now and then, she would catch Sirius looking at her with an appreciative eye, but he had not made any more romantic advances.

"I hope you have a happy Christmas, Lily."

"I hope you do too," Lily replied with a warm smile.

Sirius grinned back. He leaned forward and, before Lily could stop him, pressed a soft kiss to her cheek.

Blushing furiously, Lily stammered a quick goodbye and made her way towards her parents and sister who were watching with amused expressions.

"So who was that young man?" her mum questioned, peering over stranger's heads to try and get a glimpse of the boy who had kissed Lily.

"Just…a friend," Lily waved her hand vaguely, rather wanting to avoid the subject. Her parents, however, were quite keen on the topic. Her older sister, Petunia, remained silent, her bony arms folded across her chest in a defensive manner.

"_Just_ a friend? He seemed to be a _bit_ more than that," her dad suggested, his emerald eyes twinkling.

"Dad!" Lily cried, feeling quite embarrassed. "There is nothing going on between me and Sirius! I mean, he wants there to be, but I don't want that," Lily tried desperately to explain as the family began making their way out of the train station and to their car.

"Sirius, is that his name?" her mum asked lightly, laughing at Lily's frustrated sigh.

L … J

"I'd forgotten how...big…your house is," Lily commented as she and Hestia made their way up a flight of stairs and into a wide, open corridor of the Albright home.

"Massive you mean", Hestia grumbled in a good natured manner. "It's a wonder we don't all get lost in our own home. Honestly, who needs a home this large? Even if I had ten siblings and all our extended family lived here, we'd _still_ have room to spare."

The Albright home – manor was a more appropriate word – was, as Hestia had said, massive. Aside from Hogwarts and a few historic buildings in London, Hestia's house was the largest building Lily had ever been in.

"Finally," Hestia said, coming to a stop before a door on the right side of the hallway. "I wish we could Apparate from room to room, but with all the anti-Apparation spells on the house and surrounding area, well, it's not possible."

"Why all the protective charms?" Lily asked as the girls entered the bedroom.

Hestia shrugged. "Well, with the Potter's living down the road, and Charles Potter being the Head of the Auror Department, we've always had anti-Apparation spells on the whole area – I think it's a mile radius around our home. And with all the recent attacks …well, mother and father thought a little extra security wouldn't hurt."

Lily nodded, and not knowing what to say, began observing the room that would serve as her bedroom for the next three days.

"Oh, Lily! You've arrived!" Mrs. Albright bustled into the room. She was a short, plump woman with deep chestnut hair and the same bright blue eyes as her daughter.

"I was having tea with Dorea Potter or I would have been here when you arrived. Mr. Albright is at the Ministry; he won't be home until late. How are you dear? Did you have nice holiday? Is your room to your liking?" Mrs. Albright said this all very quickly, not giving Lily a chance to properly answer each question.

"I had a lovely holiday, thank you. My room is fine; it's very beautiful."

And it was. The room was a light yellow color, with light blue wallpaper circling the top of the walls. Sheer white curtains framed large windows, and a French door led to a small balcony. All of the woodwork in the room, including the bed, writing desk, and wardrobe were oak. It was a cheerful sort of room, Lily decided.

"Well, I'll leave you to unpack your belongings," Mrs. Albright smiled warmly as she disappeared down the corridor.

L … J

Snow was falling from a cloudy sky, but Sirius, and James were out on the full-sized Quidditch pitch in the Potter's backyard tossing the quaffle around. The two had been discussing possible ideas for pranks, so James was unprepared when Sirius posed a more serious topic.

"Why do you think Lily won't go out with me?"

James nearly dropped the quaffle. Mentally recovering from the shock, he tossed the ball back to Sirius. Luckily, Sirius had been looking to the side when James had almost dropped the ball, and had not noticed that anything was amiss.

"Er…maybe she doesn't fancy you?" James tried, catching the quaffle Sirius threw him with one hand.

"But I thought she did," Sirius pondered. "Remember that time I caught her on the stairs?"

James tersely nodded as he caught the quaffle. He remembered all too well.

"Well, I'd fancied her for some time, and that's when I suspected that she might fancy me as well. But then when I kissed her…well, you saw what happened. What do you reckon she meant when she said she couldn't?"

James thought for a moment. "I guess it depends on what "I can't" means. It could mean she fancies some other bloke, or it could mean that she just can't fancy you."

Sirius ran his hand through his shaggy black hair and nearly missed catching the quaffle. "What do you mean by that? That she can't fancy me."

"Maybe", James began, choosing his words carefully, "she means that you aren't what she's looking for in a bloke."

Sirius pondered this for a moment. "What's wrong with me?" he demanded, appearing a tad offended. He tossed the quaffle back to James with more force than necessary.

"Nothing!" James replied quickly, dipping down a bit to catch the ball. "You know how girls are though. They're picky about who they go out with. You're probably too much of a trouble maker for Lily's taste."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed reluctantly. "She's about as likely to go out with me as she is to go out with you."

James grinned and forced a laugh, but in his mind he was envisioning himself and Lily walking down the hallways at Hogwarts hand in hand.

"Do you reckon a girl could learn to look past that?"

"Past what?" James asked, feigning ignorance.

"Pranking, hexing Slytherins, that sort of thing," Sirius stated emphatically. "Do you think that if I was the perfect bloke Lily would consider dating me?"

"I suppose..." James drew out the word, not at all liking the direction the conversation was going.

Sirius grinned. "I'll call it Become Perfect Bloke for Lily Evans. BPBLE…it's got a ring to it."

"Er…that's great," James caught the quaffle and turned it over in his hands, running his calloused fingers over the indentations in the worn red ball.

"And since you're my best mate," Sirius was saying, "you can help me."

Not really listening, James began to agree, but caught himself when he realized what Sirius had said. "Sur- what?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Are you still asleep or what? I said that you can help me figure out how to become the perfect bloke. You're all chummy with her - being Heads and all. You should be able to find out some valuable information for me."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Right," James tried to smile, but found that this was rather difficult.

L … J

"Girls," Mrs. Albright stuck her head in the library where Hestia was showing Lily the family book collection. "There's two handsome young men waiting in the hall downstairs. It wouldn't do to keep them waiting."

Lily smiled, thinking of seeing James again. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't suppress the tingly feelings she got when she thought of him.

"Is that smile for Sirius?" Hestia asked with a smirk, as the girls made their way out of the library and into the hallway.

"No!"

"James?" Hestia asked casually.

Lily stopped dead in her tracks. "What makes you say that?" She asked in an accusing manner.

Hestia laughed. "Oh, Lily, you're so funny sometimes. I'm just taking the mickey out of you. I know that you don't fancy James."

Lily swallowed with some difficulty and continued walking. "Of course I don't," she lied.

Hestia smiled at Lily as the two made their way down the large staircase. "I know I can trust you, Lily. You're too good of a friend to fancy my boyfriend."

L … J

James watched as Lily and Hestia descended the stairs. Lily was looking very pretty in a green sweater that accented her eyes, and her bright red hair was pulled back in a large clip.

"Morning, ladies," Sirius greeted the girls in a suave manner. He turned away from them and offered them each an elbow. "May I escort you outside?"

Lily and Hestia exchanged looks. Hestia shrugged as if to say, _why not_?

"I would be delighted," she replied graciously, taking Sirius's right elbow.

"Madam?" Lily looked up to find Sirius and Hestia watching her expectantly. Out of the corner of her eye she could see James. His expression was hard to read, a combination of amusement and…jealousy?

Jealousy for whom? Hestia surely. It wasn't likely to be jealousy on her behalf. Not that she would have minded in the least.

"Lily?"

"Thank you," Lily automatically replied, taking Sirius' left arm. His arm was warm and muscular even through his heavy coat, but Lily didn't notice.

"How did you get two girls?" James asked as the group made their way outside and on to the front walk. "I hardly think that's fair."

"I didn't see you offering to escort anyone," Hestia replied dismissively.

"That's because he didn't give me a chance," James argued, holding the garden gate open for the group. "If I had been given the proper opportunity, _I'd _be the one with both girls clinging to my arms."

James and Sirius continued their good natured banter, but Lily heard none of it. Hestia's words kept ringing in her head. _"You're too good of a friend to fancy my boyfriend." _

Oh, if Hestia only knew. Lily had hoped that her time away from James might have caused some of her feelings for him to diminish. Out of sight, out of mind, wasn't that how the saying went?

Not quite. Apparently the old saying absence makes the heart grow fonder was more accurate in Lily's case. Over the holiday Lily had had to repeatedly force James from her thoughts. The trouble was, as wrong as she knew daydreaming about James was, Lily enjoyed it. She liked remembering his jet black hair, forever sticking on end, his crooked glasses, his warm hazel eyes…

"Well, if you're going to be that way about it," Sirius was saying. He turned to face Lily. "What do you say? Fancy a walk with James?"

Lily felt her stomach do a somersault as she struggled to keep her face from betraying her emotions. Fancy a walk with him? How about fancy a snog with him?

No! She shouldn't think things like that. They were wrong. They were deceitful. She simply couldn't allow herself to think traitorous thoughts like that.

Deciding that to refuse would be rather rude, especially since she was a guest here, Lily smiled a bit and nodded. Removing her arm from Sirius's, she approached James and placed her arm on his. The minute their arms touched, they both jumped ever so slightly. Lily looked up into James' eyes, and her breath caught in her throat.

L … J

Sirius watched as Lily and James started when they joined arms. What in the name of Merlin was that all about? It's not as though they'd never touched a member of the opposite sex before.

Sirius supposed that Lily felt a tad awkward being on the arm of her best friend's boyfriend, and that James felt similar.

Yes, that was it. They felt a bit guilty. Well, it was fine. He didn't mind and Hestia didn't seem to mind. They just were friends, it didn't mean anything more.

L … J

From his third story office window, Charles Potter watched Sirius Black throw a snowball at the back of his son's head. James whipped around and, squatting down, grabbed a handful of snow and heaved it in Sirius's direction. The snowball hit its mark and an all out war ensued.

He watched as his son grabbed the red haired girl's hand and pulled her behind a large oak tree. Safely behind the tree, the girl dropped to her knees and began forming snowballs. James continued to throw snow at Sirius and Hestia, who had taken refuge behind a nearby tree.

As he ventured out from behind the safety of the tree, James was immediately hit in the face with a snowball. His glasses were knocked to the ground, and Charles saw the red head pick them up. She carefully wiped them clean with her mitten, then handed them back to James. Their hands remained in contact far longer than necessary.

L … J

"Admit it, you lost!" James crowed triumphantly as the group seated themselves around the large table in the dining room. Sirius and Hestia had forfeited the snowball fight after James and Lily had cast repelling charms on themselves and stormed Sirius's hastily constructed fort.

"James, dear, use your inside voice, please," a woman Lily assumed was Mrs. Potter emerged from a side door accompanied by a house elf carrying a large tray laden with steaming mugs of tea. "How about some nice hot tea to warm you up? You children look nearly frozen."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James roll his eyes at his mum's comment about using his indoor voice. She suspected that Mrs. Potter still believed that her son was her little boy instead of the young man he actually was.

As Lily sipped her tea she took a moment to observe Mrs. Potter. She was older than Lily would have assumed; in her mid to late fifties. Whenever Lily had tried to picture James' parents in her mind, she had imagined people a bit younger.

Her hair which was wound up into a tight bun at the nape of her neck had obviously once been a deep black like James', but was now liberally streaked with silver. Her dull blue eyes were hidden behind a pair of small oval glasses.

Mrs. Potter seemed genuinely cheerful, but her eyes seemed sad and tired as though there was an unknown burden bearing down on her shoulders.

"I don't believe we've met, dear," Mrs. Potter said, and Lily noticed a soft Yorkshire accent in her voice. She extended a hand to Lily, and Lily took it, finding Mrs. Potter's handshake to be firmer than she would have expected.

"I'm Lily Evans," Lily introduced herself with a smile.

"Dorea Potter. It's so nice to meet you, Lily. James has told us all about you. He tells me that you're the Head Girl."

"Yes, we work together for our Head duties, and since we have all of the same classes, we see each other quite a bit."

"How long have you known Hestia?" Mrs. Potter questioned, sipping her own tea.

Lily smiled at the memory. "I met her our first day at Hogwarts. I accidentally ran my trolley into her trolley on the platform. Her trunk burst open and nearly everything fell out. Her parents fixed everything in two seconds, but we began talking and once we got on the train, we just kept talking. We found a compartment together and spent the rest of the ride chit-chatting."

From across the table Hestia smiled. "And we've been inseparable ever since."

"That reminds me of the time I met your mother, Hestia," Mrs. Potter began, but the dining room door swung open, and a tall man with untidy silver hair strode into the room, his black robes billowing slightly behind him.

"Hello, dear," Mrs. Potter greeted her husband warmly.

Mr. Potter merely nodded in her direction and took a seat at the head of the table.

"All finished with your work in your study?" Dorea Potter asked, passing the tray of tea mugs towards Mr. Potter.

"Yes, just standard procedure. Nothing difficult. What are we having for supper?"

"I believe we're having roast chicken tonight, dear. The Albrights and Lily are staying for supper."

Mr. Potter nodded and sipped his tea. "I had been meaning to talk with Garrick for some time now."

Mrs. Potter bit her lip. "This is Lily. She's visiting the Albrights until term resumes."

This more than anything else Mrs. Potter had said seemed to catch Mr. Potter's attention. "Welcome to our home, Lily. I'm Charles Potter."

Not knowing what to say, Lily elected simply to nod. She was acutely aware that no one else in the room was speaking.

"Head Girl?"

"Yes, sir."

Mr. Potter leaned back in his chair a bit. "You must be a very talented young lady. Head Girl, top of the class. Do you know what kind of profession you want to pursue?"

Lily hesitated. Ever since she had learned about the Aurors who battled Voldemort and his followers, Lily had wanted to become one when she graduated from Hogwarts. Hadn't James mentioned that his father was the Head of the Auror Department?

"Well…," Lily paused. "I was considering becoming an Auror….Sir."

Charles nodded and took a long drink from his tea. "We could always use more bright young people. We're terribly understaffed, you know. Voldemort is gaining more power all the time; things are very busy around the office."

Lily found that swallowing was rather difficult.

"Of course, all applicants are required to go through rigorous training; we can't just have anybody working for us." Mr. Potter's hazel eyes bored into Lily's, and Lily noted that while his eyes were keen and alert, they lacked the fire and mischievous glint that usually sparkled in his son's eyes.

"Lily could handle the training," James said, finally speaking up, a touch of pride in his voice. "Professor Flitwick says that she's by far the best Charms student he's ever had."

"Does he now?" Mr. Potter answered, but did not look at James. "Well, I'm sure someday you'd be a fine addition to our Auror program at the Ministry."

"Thank you, Sir," Lily answered meekly, feeling very much as though she'd like to leave the room immediately.

There was an uncomfortable pause in which no one spoke, then Mr. Potter announced that he had write a letter to a colleague at work. Everyone smiled and said goodbye as he got up and made his way out of the room. Lily internally breathed a sigh of relief.

"You'll have to excuse Mr. Potter, dear," Mrs. Potter turned to Lily with an almost apologetic look. "He's been under quite a bit of stress lately from Ministry. Times are hard with all of the attacks…" she drifted off into silence.

Although Mrs. Potter had never once insinuated as much, Lily was getting the impression that Mr. Potter had always been this way, and Mrs. Potter was merely trying to convince herself of the truth of her own words.

"So, how about those Arrows?" James asked, his voice falsely cheerful.

L … J

Fortunately for Lily, dinner was a much more comfortable affair than tea had been. She and Hestia had returned to the Albright manor for a short time to find something more suitable to wear since Hestia had said that dinner between the two families was always a semi-formal affair.

The four teenagers were seated at one end of the large oak table talking about school and their over-the-holiday homework while the adults were seated at the other end discussing Ministry policies. The food was excellent, and Lily felt contently full by the time the meal was over.

"Want a tour of the house?" James suggested after the plates had been cleared away by the same house elf that had brought them their tea earlier that afternoon. "I know Sirius and Hestia have already seen it loads of times, but it's not so bad."

"Anything to get away from the policies of the Ministry of Magic," Sirius muttered softly, jerking his head in the direction of the Potters and Albrights.

The group pushed back their chairs as James announced their intentions to the parents. Mr. Potter merely waved a hand in recognition, but Mrs. Potter smiled and said that that would be just fine.

At the top of the first landing, James opened a door on the right and lit the lamps with his wand. Lily gasped with surprise and awe.

"I knew you'd like it," James grinned, pleased with himself for making Lily happy.

"This must be nearly the size of the Hogwarts library!" Lily exclaimed excitedly. "Look at all these books! You must love it here."

Sirius laughed, and James glared at him. "Well, it wasn't quite as fascinating when I was a little kid, but it's grown on me over the years."

James led the group upstairs and down, showing Lily his room with all its Quidditch paraphernalia, the room where Sirius stayed, and the portrait gallery filled with pictures of centuries of Potters.

James watched as Lily wandered around the large room, looking at every picture. She stopped at the most recent portraits of James and his parents. There were only two; one taken when James must have been no more than five, and one that had been taken that very summer.

"What's this frame for?" Lily asked, motioning to the empty frame to the right of the most recent picture.

James swallowed and glanced down at his shoes. "That frame is for my wedding picture."

Lily's mouth formed an 'o' and James thought he saw something flicker in her eyes. He felt his face growing warm staring at her mouth, and he yanked his gaze away.

"Enough of this room, I saved the best for last. Well, it's not my favorite place, but it's Hestia's, and I'm sure you'll like it as well."

"The ballroom!" Hestia squealed and nearly ran to the door.

The ballroom was located on the top floor of the house, and Lily could only hang her mouth open in awe. The walls were an ornate golden color and deep red curtains framed the many windows that lined the walls. A massive chandelier hung from the ceiling and cast a warm glow on the entire hall. James smiled, glad that Lily liked it.

"May I have this dance, my lady?" Sirius bowed to Lily and offered his hand to her. James felt jealousy bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

"Certainly," Lily smiled and took Sirius hand. James nearly felt ill as Sirius placed his arm on Lily's waist and whisked her on to the ballroom floor.

James flicked his wand and music started, seeming to come from the very room itself.

"Would you like to dance?" James asked, turning to Hestia and holding out his hand.

Hestia smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."

As he and Hestia moved about the dance floor, James tried to keep his mind on the girl in his arms, but he was finding it increasingly difficult since he kept envisioning Lily's face in Hestia's place. Every time he looked at Hestia she smiled shyly.

James felt a tap on his shoulder, and he stopped dancing. Turning around, he found Sirius and Lily standing behind him.

"Care to trade partners, mate? I'm trying to make it a point to dance with every beautiful woman in the room." Sirius grinned and winked at Lily, then Hestia.

"No, go ahead," James offered, hoping he hadn't agreed too quickly. He didn't want anyone to know that the thought of having his arms around Lily was sending his heart into overdrive, but he didn't want it to seem as though the thought of dancing with Lily was repulsive. That would be offensive to her, and of course the thought was not repulsive. Anything but.

Sirius and Hestia waltzed off in the opposite direction leaving Lily and James by themselves. Feeling nearly giddy with anticipation, James held out his hand, and Lily slid her hand into his. Her hand was small and soft, and it fit perfectly in his. As she placed her hand on his left shoulder, he rested his right hand on her waist. James thought he might die of happiness then and there.

Their eyes met and James' breath caught in his throat. That look in her eyes…what did it mean? Could it possibly mean…No. It couldn't. Could it?

"Are we going to dance or just stand here?" Lily asked with a teasing smile, bringing James back to reality.

"Sorry," James apologized and began to move his feet in a waltz pattern. He was surprised by how well Lily followed him. They seemed to move as one, as though this was the way things were supposed to be.

The sound of someone clearing their throat startled James, and he whirled around to find his mother and father standing in the doorway. His mother looked uncertain, as though she were mulling something over in her mind. His father looked stern as he normally did, but James could detect anger in the set of his jaw.

"Hestia, your parents are going home. They're downstairs getting their coats on right now. You and Lily had best leave."

Lily and Hestia thanked the James' parents for inviting them for dinner, then made a hasty exit. James watched them go, then turned to look at his father.

"James, I need to see you in my study this minute." His father's voice booked no argument, and James followed him without question.

L … J

Lily lay in bed thinking about the events of the day. The Potters had been so different than what she had expected the parents of someone like James to be. They were so different from James that Lily might have thought that he was adopted if he hadn't resembled them. How had he developed such a different personality than that of his parents?

James was so…alive. Charles was stiff and formal, and Lily had gotten the distinct impression that he didn't much care for her. Dorea had been warm and welcoming, but when Charles entered the room, she seemed meek and almost scared of offending him.

It was so very different from the way she had grown up. The Potters were obviously a very traditional family. Mr. Potter was the head of the family and house, and Mrs. Potter was the subservient little wife. That was another thing that puzzled Lily. Although in his younger years James had been a bit arrogant, he had grown up considerably after fifth year when Lily had told him that he was an arrogant bullying toerag in front of a small crowd of people. Sure, James could still act rather cocky sometimes, but he never treated girls as inferiors as Mr. Potter seemed to.

Lily sighed and closed her eyes. She really needed to get James out of her head.

L … J

The door shut with a loud click, and James found himself face to face with his apparently very angry father.

"_What_ was the meaning of _that_?"

"We were just showing Lily the ballroom. You never said that we weren't allowed in there," James answered, confused by his father's anger.

"That is not what I mean, and you know it, James."

"No; I don't know what you're talking about," James retorted, becoming rather cross himself.

Mr. Potter threw up his hands in exasperation. "Since you insist on being obstinate, allow me to refresh your memory. You were dancing with Miss Evans, and you were standing rather close together, if you understand my meaning."

"Lily and I are friends," James tried to reason, although he knew his face was growing warm as he spoke. "We're the Head students together…she's Hestia's best friend."

"Yes, Hestia. You are engaged to Hestia. Nothing is going to change that, so you had better stop lusting after Miss Evans in short order."

James opened his mouth to protest, but his father cut him off. "I'm not thick James. I didn't get to where I am today by being blind. I saw the way you and Miss Evans were looking at each other."

_At each other?_ James thought. _What does he mean at each other? If anyone was doing the looking, it was definitely me._

"If you know what's good for you, you'll forget these foolish feelings for her. And if she knows what's good for her, she'll find someone who's available instead of her supposed best friend's fiancé."

"Lily doesn't fancy me," James spat, "And how _dare_ you insinuate that even if she did that she would act on those feelings? She's a loyal friend."

Charles clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and folded his arms across his chest. "If she was such a loyal friend she wouldn't be looking at you the way she was."

"She was not!" James protested.

"Stop trying to cover for her. You're engaged, James. Accept it."

"No, I'm not," James replied scathingly. "I'm betrothed. Engaged would mean that I actually want to marry Hestia. Betrothed means that I'm being forced into it."

"There's no way out of it. You know the rules! You know what will happen if you break the contract!"

James merely glared at his father, strode to the door, yanked it open, and strode into the corridor.

His father's voice followed him. "_James_! Come back here! I am _not_ finished with you!"

"Well I'm finished with you!" James yelled and broke into a run, not stopping until he had reached his room.

L … J

* * *


	6. Living on the Edge

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Six: Living on the Edge**

* * *

"The time has come," Sirius announced as he stepped into the boy's dormitory, "to execute plan BPBLE, otherwise known as "Become Perfect Bloke for Lily Evans."

James looked up from his Charms notes, his stomach clenching at Sirius's words. "So, what's the plan then?" he asked Sirius, feigning interest.

"Here's the general idea so far. While on rounds with her, you ask her some general questions, find out about her likes, dislikes, that sort of stuff. Then, the next day, I engage her in conversation based around what you tell me."

James opened his mouth to reply, but Remus beat him to it.

"Are you completely mad?"

"Excuse me?" Sirius asked, shocked at Remus's outburst.

"First of all, do you honestly think that Lily will be stupid enough to not realize what you're doing, dragging James into this whole thing?"

"Well, I –"

"And secondly, if you like Lily so much why don't you talk to her yourself? You've never had a problem talking to girls before. Why should Lily bother you?"

Sirius scowled and threw his Defense book and notes on his bed. "Because I'm getting the impression that she's a tad cross with me."

"And why is that, I wonder?!" Remus replied sarcastically. "You should have gotten to know her better before you kissed her in the middle of the hallway."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and swept his hair out of his face with the back of his hand. "Yeah, well, it works on most girls."

Remus emitted a strangled sound and brought his hands up to cover his eyes. Bringing his hands down, Remus grabbed his books and hastily left the dorm, making excessive amounts of noise on the stairs.

"What's with him?" Sirius asked a few seconds after Remus had disappeared.

James jerked his head towards the calendar. There was a thin red line under the date of a day only a few days away. The full moon.

"Ah," Sirius drew the word out and nodded. "He always gets rather touchy this time of the month."

James pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "He's got a point though, Sirius. You need to talk to Lily yourself."

Merlin, it was painful to say those words, James thought. Lily and Sirius…that sounded downright awful. Now Lily and James - that sounded just perfect….

"But you're my best mate! You can help me out, can't you?" Sirius insisted.

"Sirius –" James began wearily, but Sirius cut him off.

"You two are Head students together! You get to spend some quality time with her! Surely you can just find out a couple of things for me?"

Sirius made it sound so easy, as though he could ask without any emotional involvement whatsoever. On the other hand, to refuse would look suspicious, and James couldn't risk that.

Closing his eyes briefly, he nodded once. "What do you want to know?"

L … J

"Are you planning on going to Hogsmeade next weekend?" James asked Lily as they were patrolling the halls one night.

"I was thinking I'd stay here this time," Lily responded vaguely with a shrug.

"But you love Hogsmeade!" James exclaimed, surprised at her answer. He had expected his question to be a rhetorical one. Lily had never missed a Hogsmeade visit. She seemed to love everything about the village from the quaint shops to the narrow, winding streets.

Lily sighed. "I know, but it's not as though it's going anywhere, is it? Besides, I've been there loads of times."

"Yeah, but what about your friends? Things won't always be the same, you know. With that nutter Voldemort running about, who knows what could happen? And people change, move away, grow apart, normal life stuff. Who knows when we'll all be together after this year?"

"I know that," Lily responded quietly as they turned a corner, "but…"

"But what?" James prompted. "I'm sure you're doing absolutely brilliant in all of your classes, so what could be more important than spending time with friends while you can?"

Lily bit her lip and looked away.

"Come on, what is it?" James questioned gently. "I'm your friend, you can tell me." When he received no answer, he decided to change tactics.

"Let me think," James pondered in mock seriousness. "You have a secret date you don't want anyone to know about. He's in Ravenclaw, and you met him while studying in the library. That's why you spend so much time in there!"

Lily laughed. "No, no date. I promise."

James internally breathed a sigh of relief.

"How about detention? You have detention with McGonagall for passing notes with your friends during Transfiguration. Instead of going to Hogsmeade, you're being forced to clean the trophy room."

"McGonagall only told us off for the note passing," Lily rolled her eyes. "She didn't give us detention."

"That's because you're a teacher's pet," James responded casually.

"I am not!" Lily protested.

James snorted in disbelief. "Please. All of the teachers adore you. You always do well in class, you always do your assignments, you always take notes, and you _always _follow the rules."

"I do not."

"When's the last time you had detention, then?" James challenged with a smirk.

Lily's face turned a deep shade of red, and she muttered something inaudible.

"What was that?" James asked, grinning as he placed a hand to his ear. "I didn't quite catch that."

Lily crossed her arms defensively. "I said, 'never'. Are you happy? I've never had detention in my life. But that doesn't mean I've never broken any rules, Mr. Potter. I'm just smart enough to avoid getting caught. And I hardly think that detention is something to be proud of."

James felt the corner of his mouth turn upwards. "I never said it was, Miss Evans. So, all these rules that you've broken…"

"I never said there were that many," Lily interjected. "I just said I had broken some."

"All right," James allowed, "Name the last devious act you've committed."

Lily thought for a moment. "Well, at home I –"

"No, no," James wave his hand dismissively. "I mean here at Hogwarts. When's the last time you defied a teacher? When's the last time you made up some complete rubbish and handed it in as an essay? When's the last time you skived off Binns' class because you felt like kipping on the common room couch instead of on a wooden desk?"

"I'd never skive off class!" Lily cried, seemingly scandalized at the very thought.

"Why not? What about Binns? We're not even learning anything practical in there!" James reasoned. "Can you honestly tell me that in five years, even next year, you're going to know about the never ending Goblin Wars and who Gringleholf was and what he did?"

"There is no Goblin leader named Grin-" Lily began, but James cut her off.

"You're missing the point, Lily!"

"All right, all right, I'll probably never need to know any of that stuff," Lily consented, "but how will I know the material for the exams if I'm not in class? I'm not like you, James. I don't take risks. I don't live on the edge."

"I thought you wanted to be an Auror?" James asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, yes, but -"

"Then we'd better get you acquainted with the edge," James said, inspiration striking him like a bludger to the head. "Come on," he grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her along behind him as he raced up a flight of stairs and down a dark corridor, ignoring Lily's protest and questions about where they were headed. He stopped in front of a large, floor length mirror, dropped Lily's hand, and pulled a piece of parchment from the pocket of his robes.

"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_," James recited, placing his wand to the parchment. From the tip of his wand, ink spread out to form a map of Hogwarts. He quickly scanned the parchment, and when he saw that Filch and Mrs. Norris were two floors below, he tapped the map again with his wand _("Mischief managed"_) and stuffed the parchment back into his pocket.

"What was _that_ all about?" Lily asked, gesturing to his pocket. James noted that she looked very pretty when she was confused.

"I'm teaching you to live on the edge," James responded in a matter of fact voice.

"Puertus," James whispered, touching the wand to the mirror. The surface of the mirror began to shimmer with a white glow, and suddenly they were able to see through the mirror into a passageway that had been previously invisible.

He turned to Lily. "Coming?"

"_Where_?" Lily asked, staring at the mirror and into the passageway behind it in awe.

"Hogsmeade of course," James replied, not feeling nearly as calm as he hoped he sounded. He was, after all asking her to break at _least_ a dozen school rules.

"What about rounds?" Lily asked hesitantly, still staring into the mirror.

James shrugged. "No one will notice we're gone. Besides," he added before Lily could protest, "rounds end in two minutes anyway."

When Lily still didn't answer, James offered her his hand. "Come on, Lily. Take a risk. Live on the edge."

Lily's hand was a tad chilly as she slid her small hand into his larger one, and the sensation still caused James' stomach to do cartwheels.

L … J

"Have you seen Prongs?" Sirius asked as he approached Remus in the common room. "I have to show him something," he motioned to the book he was holding. _Jixes, Hexes, Curses, and Other_ _Ways to Harm Your Enemies _was written on the spine in gold lettering.

"No, I haven't," Remus answered, setting down his quill and pushing his potions essay to the side. "He's on rounds with Lily."

"Ah, I forgot that was tonight."

"Have either of you two seen Lily?" Hestia asked, as she came up to the table holding a small stack of parchment. "I need her help with the Charms assignment."

"She's on rounds," Sirius and Remus answered simultaneously.

"Oh, honestly," Hestia pointed at the clock over the fireplace mantle. "Rounds ended half an hour ago."

"What?" Remus asked incredulously, turning to see the clock for himself. "Where are they, then?"

"I was hoping that you'd know," Hestia sighed, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from Remus.

"Maybe," Sirius suggested, "they're in some dark corner sno- er…" he stopped as he realized who he was talking about, and who he was saying it in front of. "Er…sorry, Hestia. Perhaps they're off hexing Slytherins?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "As likely as _that_ suggestion is, I'm sure they just lost track of the time or something equally as probable."

L …J

"Here you are, two butterbeers," Madam Rosmerta said as she placed a tankard of butterbeer in front of both Lily and James. "Where are the other three?" she asked James, looking between the two students with a knowing smile as she leaned forward across the bar. "Or is this a date?"

Lily felt her face grow warm. "Oh no," she hastened to assure Madam Rosmerta.

"We're just friends," James added, his face also a bit pink. "I'm teaching Lily how to skive off Head duties."

"Oh, I see. Well, enjoy your drinks, you two," Madam Rosmerta laughed as Lily and James made their way to an empty table in the far corner of the room.

"So, now that we're here," James said as he sipped his drink, "mind telling me why you aren't going to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Is that why you dragged me all the way here?" Lily demanded, setting her tankard down with a loud clunk.

"Not entirely," James grinned. "I told you; I'm teaching you to live on the edge."

"What's so great about the edge? What is it that makes you want to take so many risks?" Lily asked, trying to understand.

James sat back in his seat a bit. "I like taking risks: the more danger the better. I think it's because of my parents, really. You met them, they're…very stiff and formal. Well, not so much Mother, she's a sweet lady. But they're extremely traditional – surely you've noticed how I say mother and father instead of mum and dad. I grew up around all of that, and once I came here and was away from their influence, I realized that I didn't want to be like that.

"And you know, living on the edge doesn't necessarily mean breaking the rules. I mean, sure, the guys and I bend and break the rules quite a bit, but other stuff can be viewed as living on the edge; take Quidditch for example. Playing Quidditch is dangerous, but it's fun and thrilling. And what about being an Auror? It's terribly dangerous hunting down and fighting dark wizards. Your life is always hanging in the balance during dark times like these."

Lily sat for a moment, considering what James was saying. "So…you're saying that living on the edge is only about the dangerous and exciting?" she asked, taking another sip of her butterbeer, savoring its warmness.

James shook his head. "No, it's not only that. It can be…well, take you for instance."

Lily blinked. "Me? How do I possibly qualify as living on the edge? I wouldn't say I'm a complete rule stickler, but I'm certainly nothing like you."

James just smiled. "Rules have nothing to do with it. You came to Hogwarts, didn't you? You came from a muggle family with no prior knowledge of the magical world. That had to be huge leap of faith."

"Yes, yes it was," Lily said slowly, realizing what James was saying. "I was terrified, but I wanted to learn magic, so I came. Compared to the rest of my family, I _am_ living on the edge."

"You see," James grinned, making Lily's heart beat faster in her chest. "It's all a matter of perspective." Draining his mug, he reached into his pockets and pulled out several coins and threw them on the table. "Shall we go?"

"We should be getting back to the castle," Lily agreed, standing up and moving out of the booth.

"Who said anything about going back?" James asked with a grin.

"But – but, we _can't_," Lily argued. "I mean, our friends are bound to notice that we're missing, aren't they?"

James shrugged and held the door open for Lily. "Let them wonder for a while."

Lily sighed and turned to face James. "And what, may I ask, are we going to tell them? What do I tell Hestia when she asks me where I was? That I was at Hogsmeade with _her_ boyfriend?"

"Tell them…er…" James paused, biting his lip as he thought. "Tell them you were living on the edge. Come on, let's walk this way."

"What's this way?" Lily asked, falling into step beside James.

"The Hog's Head."

"But we've just had drinks!" Lily exclaimed. "And there is no way in Merlin's name that I'm going into a filthy bar like the Hog's Head. Three Broomsticks is enough for me, thank you very much."

"We're not going in," James assured Lily with a smirk. "We're just going to stand outside."

"Outside?" Lily echoed incredulously. "Are you trying to take the mickey out of me or something, James? It's freezing out here."

"Use a warming spell," James replied simply. "And no, I'm not taking the mickey, I'm serious. Well, no I'm not, I'm James, but I mean what I say. We're going to stand outside."

Following James' advice, Lily pulled out her wand and preformed a warming charm, feeling much better as she did so. The two continued to walk in a comfortable silence until Lily heard music. Lily's forehead furrowed as she listened to the familiar music. "Is that…"

"Bagpipes and a hand drum," James supplied. "Come on, he's only one street over."

"Who's only one street over?" Lily asked, but at that moment, they turned a corner and Lily saw for herself. The man wore a red and black kilt, with a length of tartan thrown over his left shoulder and tied around his waist. On his feet were a pair of thick soled boots with dull silver buckles, and he was stomping in time to the beat of a drum, which was obviously enchanted, as there was no one playing it.

The man may have looked ancient, but his fingers flew over the openings of his pipes with great dexterity and accuracy. Lily found herself tapping her foot to the beat, and next to her, she noticed James doing the same. When the man finished his tune, she and James applauded, and the man bowed, grinning as he did so.

"Good tae see ye, lad," he greeted James. "An' I see ye brocht a fine lass wi' ye this time."

"Aye," James agreed with a laugh. "Hamish, this is my friend Lily Evans. Lily, this is Hamish."

"Nice to meet you," Lily told the man, wondering why in the world James had brought her to meet this man.

He put his instrument to his mouth again, turning towards James. "The usual, lad?"

James grinned in response, and the man breathed in deeply before striking up a fast paced reel.

"How often do you come here to listen to him play?" Lily asked James over the sound of the music.

"Oh, I dunno. Whenever I get the chance. Hamish and I go back a ways; I met him in second year," James explained, leaning close to Lily in order to be heard. James paused for a moment. "Want some more practice at living on the edge?" he offered, his warm breath on her face causing her senses to become blurry.

Lily turned her head to look at him, searching his eyes. His hazel eyes were gleaming with laughter, but yet there was a seriousness about them that assured Lily that he was not simply having a go at her at her expense.

"Why not?" Lily agreed, smiling, yet unsure of what James was asking her to do.

For the second time that night, James offered her his hand. "Dance with me."

"I – I don't know how to dance to this kind of music," Lily stammered.

"There's no set way," James shook his head. "You just – jump and whirl and move to the music."

"It sounds pagan," Lily said as she placed her hand in James'.

James grinned widely, showing his perfectly aligned white teeth. "It is."

L … J

The dormitory was dark when Lily finally made it back. She moved quietly through the room, taking extra care to avoid making noises that would wake anyone. Closing the bathroom door gently, Lily lit the candles on the wall with her wand.

Looking at her watch, Lily realized that she hadn't been gone nearly as long as she'd thought. It was only shortly after midnight. She'd had such a wonderful evening time had seemed to slow down to give her longer to enjoy her time with James.

Dragging a brush through her windswept hair, Lily smiled at memory of her dance with James. It was probably the most out-of-her-comfort-zone thing that she'd ever done in her life, yet Lily supposed that it was the most fun she'd had in a great while. It had been a tad embarrassing at first, dancing wildly with James, but after a bit it had seemed almost natural.

Extinguishing the candles, Lily opened the door and stepped into the dormitory. She froze when she realized that Hestia's curtains were open and she was sitting up in her bed, apparently waiting for Lily.

"Where have you been?" Hestia whispered, tapping her wrist to indicate the hour.

Lily's mind raced as she tried to think of an excuse. She couldn't tell Hestia that she had been in Hogsmeade with James..._James_…

Lily sighed happily and smiled. "I've been living on the edge."

L … J

"So," Sirius said as he plopped himself down next to James at breakfast the next morning. "What did you find out for me, eh? Does she have any plans for Hogsmeade? Places she wants to visit where I can coincidently bump into her?"

"Er…not exactly," James replied, his insides squirming uncomfortably. "She…uh…might not go to Hogsmeade at all."

"What?" Sirius cried, nearly spilling the pitcher of pumpkin juice he had just picked up. "But…but she _has_ to go! How am I supposed to prove to her that I'm the perfect bloke for her if she isn't there?"

"How is Lily being in Hogsmeade going to help you prove that you're the perfect bloke?" James asked as he selected a piece of toast and spread a thick layer of jam over it.

"Think about it, James! Hogsmeade is full of chivalrous opportunities! Paying for her drink, holding doors open for her, protecting her from Slytherins…"

James had the sudden urge to hit his best friend over the head with the platter of bacon in front of him. "Sirius…with the exception of paying for her drink, you can do all of that right here at the castle. I don't think whether or not she goes to Hogsmeade this weekend is going to be the be all or end all of any potential relationship you two may have. I'm sure you could prove to her that you're a decent bloke whether she goes or stays. And besides - "

James stopped speaking at the strange, narrow eyed look he was getting from Sirius.

"Go on," Sirius instructed, sounding mildly curious, yet at the same time a bit defensive.

"Well," James cleared his throat, "Honestly, mate, I don't think things like door opening or 'Slytherin protecting' are going to make her like you. They might help to a degree, but in the end it's your personality that she's either drawn to or not. You can't make her fancy you."

Sirius scratched his head. "Are you, by any chance, channeling Remus?"

James couldn't help but laugh. "I guess if you listen to Remus long enough, you start to pick up on some of the things he says." James's smile faded as he grew serious. "He's right though, you know, about you talking to Lily for yourself. I feel like I'm using her, Sirius. She'll think I'm asking her things because I'm her friend, not because my best mate wants a bit of trivial information. I don't want there to be ulterior motives lurking in the background when I ask her things or just engage her in conversation … I don't want to her hurt her."

"You won't!" Sirius insisted as he loaded his plate with sausage and bacon. "She won't even find out. But if she does, just tell her it was my idea."

"I can't do that. I'm not lying to her."

"Look, James," Sirius said through a mouth full of bacon, "All I want to know is purely harmless stuff. Her favorite color, what she's looking for in a guy, stuff like that."

James took a long drink of his juice and set the empty goblet down firmly on the table. "Sirius, I am not asking her any more questions on your behalf, and that's final."

With that statement, James rose to his feet and, standing to his full height, walked out of the Great Hall, leaving a very confused Sirius Black in his wake.

L … J

"Stir for seven minutes in a clockwise direction," Lily instructed Alice.

Alice nodded and began stirring the potion. "What should it look like when it's finished?"

"It should have a mother of pearl sheen, and the smoke is supposed to rise in 'characteristic spirals'," Lily read out of the book.

"You were with James last night, weren't you?" Alice asked in a rhetorical kind of manner. "Frank said that James got in a bit past midnight."

Lily paused. She bit her lip, reluctant to admit that she had been with James. How much information could she divulge to Alice? It wasn't that Alice wasn't to be trusted -she was - it was merely the idea of multiple people knowing. Lily had greatly enjoyed her adventure with James and had hoped to keep it a secret between the two of them. It was silly of her to have thought so, she now realized. Someone was bound to have noticed her absence coupled with James'.

Looking in Professor Slughorn's direction to make sure he wasn't watching, she pulled her wand out of her pocket. "_Muffliato_," Lily preformed the spell nonverbally, then turned back to face Alice.

"Yes," she admitted softly. "But I swear Alice, there was nothing inappropriate going on. I just…we were on rounds, and he said I had to learn to live on the edge if I'm going to become an Auror, so we snuck out to Hogsmeade. All we did was have a drink at Three Broomsticks and dance to some bagpipes an old warlock was playing. It's not really a big deal."

"Wait…" Alice held up her hand. "You danced to _bagpipes_ played by a _warlock_?"

"Er…yes," Lily answered, feeling a bit foolish about the entire ordeal now.

"Like…like a date?" Alice whispered, leaning closer to Lily and glancing around the surrounding area for eavesdroppers even though the muffling spell was in place.

"No!" Lily protested loudly, nearly dropping her textbook. Of course, now that she looked back on the incident, it did rather look like a date - a guy and a girl, sneaking out of school for drinks and to dance to bagpipes played by a warlock. It screamed date. But it hadn't been a date. Not at all.

"It wasn't like that," Lily assured Alice. "He said that I should learn to live on the edge, so we snuck out through a secret passageway he and his mates know about. We just went to Three Broomsticks out of habit. All of us always go on school visits."

"And the dancing?" Alice prompted, still stirring the potion.

Lily felt her face flush. "It wasn't meant like _that_," she insisted. "You know I'd never normally dance like that in public. Like I said, James was just trying to get me to live on the edge. And dancing like a madwoman in the middle of the street is definitely on the edge."

"The edge of insanity," Alice smirked, taking the stirring stick out of the potion, tapping it twice on the edge of the cauldron, and setting it to the side.

"You – you believe me?" Lily asked, dumbstruck by Alice's comment.

"Of course I do," Alice responded with a small frown. "I'm your friend, Lily. I trust you when you say it wasn't a date. But," she lowered her voice, "that doesn't mean that you don't wish that it was."

Lily swallowed thickly. "Is it that obvious?"

"No," Alice answered simply. "It's probably only even remotely obvious to those who know you extremely well. You hide it very well. I wasn't even sure until just now."

Lily's mouth dropped open. "You _tricked_ me?"

Alice smiled shyly. "Don't you feel better that someone knows now, Lily? I can't even imagine pretending that I didn't fancy Frank. And you're hiding your feelings for the most unselfish reasons possible, Lily. Oh bugger, here comes Slughorn."

Lily glanced up to see that Alice was right. Taking her wand from her pocket as inconspicuously as she could, she held it under the table and swished her wand once, nonverbally removing the sound muffling charm.

"Well, well, ladies," Professor Slughorn said, slowly approaching their cauldron. "Let's see…" he plunged his hands into the pockets of his robes and pulled out a small vial filled with green liquid. Carefully adding two drops, he waited until the potion turned a deep purple, then returned to its original mother of pearl color.

"Well done, Miss Evans! Well done, Miss Bennett!" Professor Slughorn congratulated the girls. "A perfect Amortentia potion! Not that I expected any less from you two, but I think ten points to Gryffindor is in order. And what –" he smiled, small eyes glinting, "may I ask, does the potion smell like for each of you?"

Alice leaned forward towards the spiraling steam. "It smells like…the outdoors, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum and…Frank's cologne," she ended, blushing heavily.

"Good, good," Slughorn praised, ignoring Alice's red face. He turned to face Lily. "And you, Miss Evans? What does the Amortentia potion smell like for you?"

"Well," Lily began, leaning forward to smell the potion. Her nose was instantly filled three scents, mingled together yet at the same time unique. "I smell a kind of a woodsy, earthy scent, something that smells like some sort of wood polish and… mint toothpaste."

"Very good," Slughorn smiled, and moved on to inspect another pair's cauldron.

"Well, if I hadn't known before, I'd know now," Alice grinned.

Lily titled her head to the right in question. "What do you mean?"

"The way the Amortentia potion smells to you," Alice explained softly with a smile. "The woodsy, earthy smell is _his_ scent, and the wood polish is _broom polish_."

"And the mint toothpaste?"

"One can only suspect that you prefer blokes with minty fresh breath," Alice replied with a giggle.

L … J

"Hm…" Sirius sniffed as he leaned over the simmering cauldron. "Smells like a broomstick, some berry scent, and chocolate. What's it smell like to you?"

James leaned forward a bit in order to better catch the scent of the potion.

"Well?" Sirius prompted impatiently.

"Vanilla, new parchment, and something that smells like fruity shampoo," James announced.

"Is this supposed to smell like the person we're attracted to? Or just what attracts us?"

"Uh…" James consulted his textbook. "I think it's what attracts us, but that could be a person, couldn't it?"

Sirius looked rather put out at this information. "Broomsticks and chocolate doesn't remind me of Lily."

James heart soared at this information, but he managed to keep his facial expression neutral.

"I mean, yours smells more like Lily than mine does!" Sirius pointed at James. "Why doesn't mine smell like the girl I'm attracted to?"

"Er…maybe you're not attracted to Lily?" James suggested, hoping that his voice didn't betray any sense of happiness at the idea.

"Of course I'm attracted to Lily!" Sirius protested loudly, causing the group working next to their cauldron to snicker softly. "I'd think I'd know who I'm attracted to."

L … J

The fire was crackling in the grate as Lily entered the Prefect's Meeting Room. She was surprised to find James already there, sprawled out on his stomach in front of the fire, a book and several sheets of parchment spread out in front of him. A quill was tucked behind his ear, and he was tapping his index finger against his lower lip as he read.

"'Lo, Lily," he said without looking up.

"How did you know it was me?" Lily asked, astonished.

James finally looked up and grinned. "Considering we're the only ones who come in here to do homework – or are allowed to – it wasn't too terribly difficult to figure out. What are you here to work on?"

"The transfiguration essay," Lily answered setting her school bag on the meeting table.

"You don't have to sit up there by yourself," James said, pushing himself up on his elbows. "You can come over here. I'm working on that essay too. We can pool our resources. Two heads are better than one."

"That would be wonderful," Lily admitted, taking her bag and moving to sit across from James on the floor. "I don't quite understand the bit about animate objects, and I was hoping to get this essay done tonight so I have plenty of time to-"

Lily stopped as she realized that she had almost spilled the beans. She inwardly kicked herself as she felt her face grow warm.

"You do realize," James said, donning a smirk, "that you never did tell me why you aren't going to Hogsmeade this weekend, don't you?"

"No," Lily lied, opening her book to the desired page.

"Don't lie to me, Lily."

"Are you going to bother me about until I give in and tell you?" Lily sighed.

"It is probable," James grinned, eyes twinkling with mirth.

Lily covered her face with her hands. "You'll laugh at me."

"I will not, James insisted, leaning forward, closer to Lily. "No matter what you tell me, I promise I won't laugh."

Lily's fingers parted, revealing her eyes. "I was thinking that I should start studying for N.E.W.T.s."

Lily watched as James opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. "Lily…N.E.W.T.s are in _June_. This is _January_."

"I know that."

"But…but…you're Head Girl; you're brilliant. Why in the name of Merlin are you going to start studying _now_?"

Lily sighed. "James…I'm muggle-born. I have to do well on the N.E.W.T. tests to get in to the Auror training program. You'll get in because your dad's the Head of the Department, but I'm a girl and a muggle-born. The deck is stacked against me James, I have to try and even it out any way I can, and this is the only way I know how."

James was silent for a moment. "Lily…yes, N.E.W.Ts are going to be difficult, but there's plenty of time to study. Don't you remember all the prep work the professors had us do for our O.W.Ls? They'll help us again. And your deck is not _nearly_ as stacked against you as you think. It's true that there aren't as many women Aurors as male ones, but the women Aurors I know are perfectly capable. You're Head Girl, and that counts for something. The ministry knows that Dumbledore doesn't give the position to just anyone. I know the people who choose who gets into the program and who doesn't. They're tough but they're fair. You'll get in Lily."

"You can't guarantee that, James!" Lily cried. "I have to make sure that I will!"

"I tell you what," James offered. "We can start studying in March. That's much sooner than most people start studying. Most people start in May. We could meet in here every other night, or something like that."

"Wait a minute," Lily put a hand to her forehead. "We?"

"Yes, we," James explained gently. "I'm offering to help you study. You know, be like a study partner."

"Don't you want to study with your friends?" Lily asked.

The corners of James' mouth turned up in a small smile. "Lily, you are my friend. But, if by friends, you mean the guys, we could have a really big study group with all of us. Of course, they won't start studying until mid-May. Well, Remus will start sooner, but he's the exception."

Lily smiled slightly. "I would love that, James," she paused. "Thank you. I just…get so worried about the future."

"So do I," James nodded with a strange look in his eyes.

"But your future is…" Lily began, but stopped, feeling uncomfortable with the subject of James' future.

"Planned by my father," James finished hollowly. "That's why I worry."

L … J

Sirius took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and opened the doors. The smell of books greeted him and he wrinkled his nose in an unappreciating manner. He couldn't quite believe that he was here in the library to talk to Lily Evans.

Scanning the tables he spotted her towards the back sitting at a table with her friends. Frowning slightly, he shook his head and decided to go ahead with his plan. With any luck, her friends would get up and leave.

"Hiya Lily! Girls!" he greeted them cheerfully.

"Hello, Sirius," the girls each greeted him.

"Sirius Black in the library?" Emmeline asked with a faint smile. "What is the world coming to?"

"Shocking, I know," Sirius said, throwing Emmeline one of his famous smiles. "What are you working on?" he asked Lily as he pulled out a chair and sat down next to her.

"Charms," Lily answered, not bothering to look up from what she was writing.

"Really?" Sirius commented. "I haven't started that yet. I was planning to do that later on tonight."

"Hm," Lily responded. "You'd better get busy. It is due tomorrow, you know."

"Nah," Sirius grinned, leaning back in his chair so it was balanced on two legs. "I've got plenty of time tonight, and besides, there's always lunch tomorrow."

"I wish I could do my essays during lunch and still pass," Hestia commented dryly. "I'll be right back," She pushed her chair back and made her way to the Transfiguration section.

"So…how much longer are you going to be in here?" Sirius asked, running a hand through his hair much the same way James did.

"Until I'm done."

"And when will that be?"

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but how long she would be writing her essay Sirius never found out because at that moment, James waltzed up to the table with a friendly "Hello ladies". The girls, Lily especially, greeted him with a smile and hello of their own.

"Charms essay, hmm?" James asked Lily as he leaned across the table to read the title of Lily's parchment.

"Yeah," Lily responded. "Household spells are fascinating."

"Household spells!" Sirius cut in, thankful for a chance to talk with Lily about something relevant. "How in the name of Merlin is that rubbish interesting!"

"I grew up in the muggle world, remember?" Lily explained calmly. "I think that dusting and dish washing spells are brilliant. Think how much time they'll save me in the future. I'll never have to pick up a dust rag again."

"She's right, Sirius," James added with a cheeky grin. "When you finally get a place of your own you are going to have to clean it once and a while, you know."

Sirius held in hands in up in front of him. "You win, you win. They're useful."

Much to Sirius' chagrin, James engaged Lily in a conversation about the upcoming Prefect's meeting of which Sirius, not being a Prefect, knew absolutely nothing about. Instead of trying to butt into a conversation to which he did not belong, Sirius decided to lend Alice and Hestia a helping hand on their Transfiguration essays.

"So that's the only difference between human and animal transfiguration?" Alice asked. "Just the incantation and wrist movement?"

Sirius nodded. "It's the same basic principle, since we're all technically mammals. But since animals are structured a bit different, you need the different wrist movement."

"Hey, I found that book we were looking for the other day!" Hestia announced happily as she returned to the group. "Where did Lily and James run off to?"

Sirius whipped his head around, and found that Hestia was quite right. While he had had his back turned, Lily and James had up and left.

Sirius rubbed his eyes in a tired manner. "I finally try to talk to her, and my best mate runs off with her."

L …J

She had never noticed how black his hair truly was…it was like looking up at the night sky out in the middle of the country where there were no lights, just time and space.

She fought down a smile as he ran a hand through his hair, causing it to sick up even more in the back. In all the time that she'd known him, she'd never seen his hair lay flat. Even when wet, his hair somehow managed to remain untidy.

"Hestia."

It was remarkable really, how his hair seemed to have its own personality –

"Hestia!"

Hestia jerked out her reverie to see Emmeline staring at her with a knowing smile.

Hestia felt the color rise in her face. "Sorry, guess I wasn't paying attention."

Emmeline's eyes sparkled as she tapped her quill on her parchment. "It's completely understandable to be ogling the back of your boyfriends head."

"I was _not_ ogling!" Hestia protested in a harsh whisper as she resumed her note taking.

Emmeline laughed softly, earning a stern look from Professor Slughorn. "It's okay, Hestia. It's perfectly natural to find your boyfriend attractive."

Hestia chose not to respond to Emmeline's comment, but continued to debate the issue in her mind as she took down notes. Emmeline was right, it was only natural. She and James were dating after all.

She frowned slightly. They might have been dating, but Hestia never felt like she was in a relationship. Didn't being someone's girlfriend mean you got to hold hands, or spend time with just your significant other? She and James didn't do any of that. And she wanted to, Hestia realized with a start. She wanted to be properly dating James. She wanted to feel like his girlfriend.

L … J

The two Head students had been working on school work for the better part of two hours when James suddenly spun around to look at the clock over the fireplace mantle. Twisting to take a peek out the window, he smiled.

Remus would be making his way out to the Shrieking Shack right about now. In a few minutes, he, Sirius, and Peter would join him there by way of the tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow. Then once the sun had set Remus would transform and they would be free to explore the school grounds. There were some caves to the west of the school that the four were planning on visiting.

"There's something I need from the library; I won't be back," James told Lily as he got up from the table, grabbing his rucksack which held the Marauder's Map and his invisibility cloak, but leaving his schoolbooks behind. "I'm leaving my books here. I'll get them in the morning."

Lily glanced at James's bag without his books, then looked out the window at the sun setting rapidly in the sky.

"Whatever you're doing – be careful."

"I don't know what you're talking about," James replied diplomatically, refusing to incriminate himself.

Lily smiled wryly. "I've known about Remus for ages, James. It's not that difficult to figure out, you know. There were plenty of clues. I don't know how you can be with him, but however you do manage it – be careful."

"I will," James promised, and then he was gone.

L … J

James, Sirius, and Peter all trooped into the hospital wing the next morning to see Remus. He was sitting up, looking better than he had when they had left him at the Shrieking Shack.

"How you doing, Moony?" Sirius asked tossing a slab of Honeyduke's chocolate into his friend's lap.

Remus merely shrugged as he opened the chocolate. "I've been better, but Merlin knows I've been worse."

The other three nodded, remembering the times before they had become animagi, when Remus had nearly torn himself to shreds every month.

James glanced furtively around the hospital wing. They were the only ones there, and Madam Pomfrey was busy in her office. He cleared his throat.

"Lily knows, mate," As the words left James's mouth, he noticed Remus pale instantly.

"She-she knows?" he choked out. "How long?"

"She said she's known for ages, whatever that means. Years, I suppose. She also….she knows that we," he motioned to himself, Sirius and Peter, "that we're with you somehow."

"What?" Peter nearly squeaked.

Sirius looked floored. "Just how much does she know about…_us_?"

"She doesn't know how," James shook his head. "Only that somehow we're with Moony."

"You want to tell her," Remus said, a statement rather than a question.

James nodded. "Lily's our friend; she's not going to tell. She's known about you for a long time, and she's never even treated you differently because of it. I won't tell her your animal forms. I'll leave that up to you if you so choose."

Sirius' hands fisted as he internally debated the issue. Finally he nodded. "If she knows this much, we might as well fill her in the rest."

Peter nodded in agreement. "We can trust Lily."

All looked to Remus.

"Of course you can tell her. Why do you need my permission?"

"Because," James crossed his arms in front of him. "We do it for you, and you have a say in who we trust with this secret."

Taking a bite out of his chocolate, Remus nodded in consent. "I agree that we tell her. If she's known for this long, and we didn't even have any suspicions that she knew, we can trust her."

L … J

"And finally, I'd like to remind everyone to sign up for hall patrols for next month. That will be all. Have a good week, see you next week, same time."

Lily stood up and pushed her chair back, gathering up her notes as she did so. There was a light touch on her shoulder, and Lily looked up to see James standing next to her. Her heart fluttered in her chest, beating an irregular rhythm.

"We need to talk."

His voice was tight, and he was more serious than she'd ever seen him in her life. She nodded. "Once everyone's gone."

They busied themselves with shuffling papers and organizing notes while they waited for the last Prefect to leave the meeting room.

There was a moment of silence, then James spoke. "About yesterday…how long have you known about Remus?"

"Since fourth year when I did a report on werewolves for Defense. It just fell into place – his mysterious monthly sickness, the bruises and scratches he'll sometimes have after he's 'sick'. It didn't take too long for me to put two and two together."

James ran a hand over his face. "Do any of the other girls know?"

"If they do, they're not saying," Lily shrugged. "Look, James, I've kept his secret this long, I'm not about to tell anyone now. Remus is my friend too."

"I know; it's just that I've spent the better part of my Hogwarts career trying to keep people from finding out about, you know… his condition. It's not that I don't trust you, I do – I'm just protective of him."

"I understand, James," Lily smiled slightly. "You're just trying to be the best friend to him that you can. I admire that."

"Thanks," James replied softly, then paused. "How…how did you figure out that we're with him when he transforms?"

"I'm not sure exactly," Lily tilted her head to the side. "It wasn't nearly as obvious as Remus's condition, but I suppose that's what triggered the whole idea in my mind. About the middle of fifth year, all four of you would disappear once a month instead of just Remus disappearing. I figured that you had to be with him somehow."

"You're right, we are with him," James nodded. "We… we're…that is…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Lily said gently, moving forward to place her hand on James' shoulder. Even through his robes and school sweater she could feel his warmth, and she felt a tingle run up her spine.

"No," James shook his head as though trying to clear his thoughts. "You know this much…I owe you an explanation now. I asked the guys if I could tell you, and they agreed," here he pulled out his wand and cast a silencing charm on the room. "What I'm about to tell you does not leave this room. Besides the four of us, you'll be the only one to know. If anyone were to find out, we're talking life in Azkaban."

Lily found it difficult to swallow, but she nodded. Her heart was racing at what James was about to tell her. Life in Azkaban…what they were doing was serious – more serious than she'd imagined.

"Lily, we're animagi."

Lily was silent for a moment, stunned at the news. "You – you're an _animagus_? But…_James_, that's ridiculously advanced magic. I mean, most fully trained witches and wizards can't transform themselves! How in the world….you became an animagus when you were in fifth year? I always knew you were something akin to a transfiguration prodigy, but…?"

Lily's heart was doing summersaults at the idea – James an animagus! Lily had known that James was a loyal friend, Gryffindor to the core, but this? This was beyond anything she had thought him or any other student capable of. Once a month he was risking a life long prison term and death. He was risking _everything_ to help his friend in a time of need.

James smiled slightly at her astonishment and praise of his abilities. "It wasn't easy. We've had our fair share of tight spots, but we made it through. It's the only way we can help Remus. He's not a danger to us when we're in animal form. He's more…it helps him keep a clearer state of mind to have us with him. He doesn't hurt himself like he does when we're not there."

"The scratches and bruises…he used to inflict them on himself?"

James nodded. "Yeah, when it was just him in the Shrieking Shack, he'd bite himself."

Lily began to fully understand. "Of course! The Shrieking Shack! I should have figured that out! It's not really haunted, is it? It's just Remus."

"Dumbledore encouraged the rumor so that no one would go near it."

"With good reason," Lily commented, then stopped as she realized how what she had said sounded. "I just meant that we wouldn't want anyone else to get bit – I'm sure Remus doesn't want anyone else to share his fate. Poor Remus," she added sadly. "Of all the people in the world, it had to happen to one of the nicest people I know."

"That's why we try and help him in whatever ways we can," James replied simply.

"You really do live on the edge, don't you?" Lily commented in awe.

James grinned and ducked his head a bit. "Insanely close to the edge. I'm not asking you to go that far. Although I'm sure dancing in the middle of the streets of Hogsmeade is pretty close to the edge for you."

"James…" Lily suddenly asked, filled with curiosity, "What animal do you change into?"

"Oh…er…a stag," James answered, a faint blush staining his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward manner.

_A_ _stag_, Lily's heart sang. The animal a person changed into was a reflection of the person's inner character. Stags were powerful, yet graceful, aggressive when needed, but yet gentle. They were noble, majestic creatures – this was James' inner character.

"James…can I…I mean, can you…" Lily trailed off, feeling a tad embarrassed by her question.

Even though she hadn't finished her request, James seemed to understand what she had been trying to ask. He nodded with a characteristically mischievous smile and glimmer in his hazel eyes. Relaxing his stance, he closed his eyes, apparently concentrating all of his focus and energy on this one thing.

For a moment nothing seemed to happen, but then suddenly, at the top of James' head, antlers began to poke through his ebony hair. Then his body was lengthening and his arms and legs were becoming long and slender. Seemingly all at once, he was a stag. A beautifully handsome stag.

His fur coat was a rich, dark brown color, characteristic of a stag. His laughing hazel eyes were large as deer eyes are, and they observed her in a curious manner before he hesitantly took a step forward.

"Can I…" Lily asked, reaching her hand out towards him. He lowered his head in what Lily took to be a nod and she laid her hand on his head. Stroking her fingers over his head, Lily was shocked to find that his fur was extremely soft, and she wondered vaguely if his hair was just as soft when he was in human form.

He closed his eyes, seeming to enjoy her touch immensely. Then, pulling away from her slightly, he began to transform back into his human self. Just as quickly as he had become a stag, he became James Potter again.

Lily stared at him as he stood in front of her. She had just witnessed human self transfiguration at its highest level. And it was James who had shown her. He was absolutely brilliant.

As she stared at him, Lily noticed for the first time a long red gash on his forehead above his left eye. Moving forward, she reached up and ran a hand over it. "Did you get this as Prongs?" she asked.

"Figured out the nicknames, have you?" James grinned. "Yeah, I got it last night. It's nothing to worry about though."

"You need to be more careful," Lily breathed, suddenly noticing the close proximity between her and James.

"I will…" James replied, his voice sounding slightly husky.

As though under a spell, Lily and James leaned towards each other, closing the distance between them at an agonizingly slow pace. Lily felt one of James' hands come and cup her cheek to guide her face while the other stroked her head, running his fingers through her hair. Hazel met emerald just before their eyes slid shut, and their lips joined in a tender kiss.

And at that moment, Lily supposed that this adrenaline rush she was feeling – this feeling that her every nerve was pulsing, that her body was lighter than air – was what living on the edge must feel like.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Please review!


	7. A Turn of Events

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Seven: A Turn of Events**

…………………

**According to information from a Black family tree J.K.R. donated for charity, the names of James' parents are most likely Charles and Dorea. So, I've changed their names in my story to fit with what is most likely cannon. Please don't be confused! **

* * *

James remembered the first time he'd ridden a broom, the wind playing with his hair as he soared over the grounds of his home. It had felt as though he and his broomstick were one. The first time he'd held his wand there had been warmth in his finger tips and a fluttering anticipation in his stomach.

Both of these events had felt natural and right, but neither one could compare to how right kissing Lily Evans felt. Their bodies fit like lost puzzle pieces that had been brought back together after an eternity of lying forgotten on the floor. Her soft jaw fit exactly in his hand, the skin warm beneath his touch.

Her kiss was soft and sweet as their lips gently caressed each other. He could feel her arms wrapping themselves around his neck, and her hands reached around to entangle themselves in his already untidy hair. Her hair was soft as he ran his hand over it, tangling his fingers in the loose auburn curls.

After what seemed like ages, they slowly drew apart. Resting his forehead against hers, James took a deep breath. She smelled nice, like vanilla and some kind of fruity shampoo. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly in a small smile as he remembered the smell of his Amortentia potion, and how its scent had been a reflection of his feelings for Lily…

All of a sudden Lily gasped and pulled away from his embrace, leaving James feeling cold without her next to him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, startled and worried.

"Hestia."

As that one word fell from Lily's lips, James' world came crashing down around him. The realization of what had just happened - of what he had _done_ - hit him like a rampaging hippogriff. Groaning aloud in frustration, he closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands.

"Why did my parents do this to me? I don't want to date Hestia. I never have," he brought his hands away from his face and added in softer voice, "I want to be with you.

I care about you Lily. And I know you care about me too, or you wouldn't have kissed me like that."

"James…" Lily's voice wavered. "It doesn't matter how we feel about each other. It can't work. Even if Hestia doesn't feel anything for you but friendship, she's still my friend, and I won't go behind her back."

James swallowed hard. "I know. It's just so frustrating to think that we can never be together because of some stupid contract made when I was two years old."

Lily nodded, and James' heart throbbed painfully as he watched tears escape her emerald eyes and slowly make their way down her pale cheeks. Reaching out, he wiped the glistening tears from her face.

Without warning, Lily sank to her knees, her hands covering her face. "I feel so horrible, James! Hestia trusts me with you, and I broke that trust tonight."

Kneeling down beside her and wrapping his arms around her small frame, James stroked her hair. "This isn't your fault, Lily. I kissed you knowing full well what I was doing. The fault is mine."

Lily hiccupped and shook her head against his shoulder, hugging him in return. "No, James. I could have moved away, but I didn't. I wanted to kiss you. I'm just as much at fault as you are."

James nodded. "We're going to have to act as though nothing has happened between us… You have no idea how much I wish that it didn't have to be this way."

"I think I do," Her words were muffled by his sweater, but he still heard them.

They knelt wrapped in each others arms in the middle of the meeting room floor until James knees began to protest his position.

"Lily," he whispered in her ear. He didn't know why he was whispering, but somehow it seemed fitting for the occasion. "It's time we were getting back to the common room. People will wonder where we are."

Lily pulled away slowly and nodded. "I 'spose you're right."

On an impulse, James leaned forward and placed a heavy kiss to her forehead. "We can walk back together. It'll look strange if we suddenly start avoiding each other. We can still be friends, Lily. No one can come between that."

Again, Lily nodded weakly, seeming drained of strength.

James had never thought that the distance between the common room and the Prefect's meeting room was a long one, but tonight the walk seemed to take ages.

Stepping through the portrait hole, the familiar sight of the common room greeted them. Their friends, who were seemingly engaged in a lively discussion, were sitting around a table in the far corner of the room.

James looked at the group at the table, then down at Lily. "Ready?" he asked.

Lily looked at their friends. "No," she answered simply. "But I don't really have a choice, do I? Time to find out what kind of actors we are, eh?"

"I'd say we've done pretty well so far," James pointed out honestly.

"True," Lily smiled wryly, then smiled brightly and waved to Hestia who had just noticed their presence.

L … J

_"We can still be friends, Lily."_

Friends? How could she possibly be only friends with him after what had happened in the common room. Lily didn't have much experience with boys or kissing, but she was sure kisses that felt that right didn't come along everyday.

They had such chemistry, yet the only way she could be near to James was to be his friend. She would have to sit on the sidelines and watch while Hestia dated James, married James, and gave birth to his children.

"Lily, it's your turn."

Lily brought her head up sharply to see Emmeline watching her inquisitively. "Are you all right?" Emmeline asked, concern filling her voice. "You seem kind of sad."

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm just a bit tired, that's all," surveying the chess board she ordered her remaining knight to take out one of Emmeline's bishops.

"Oh no," Emmeline groaned, slumping in her seat. "That was my last bishop, too."

Lily smiled faintly and tried to concentrate on the game, but soon found her thoughts drifting back to James.

While she was sure that at this point in her life she didn't want to marry James or have his children, she did want to be with him in the capacity that he wanted to be with her. She wanted to be able to walk with him by the lake, and to be the one to congratulate him on his Quidditch victories.

Maybe if she and James were allowed to date they would break up and go their separate ways. But maybe they would stay together, fall in love, and get married.

But Lily would never be able to do find out if she could love James or if she could promise to be with him for the rest of her life. Hestia would be the one to share her life with James while she, as Hestia's best friend, would be forced to watch.

_Hestia doesn't even want to be with him! _Her mind cried angrily. It was a sad circumstance for everyone involved. It was like something out of a storybook, she thought as she cornered Emmeline's king. Except this story wouldn't end with the words happily ever after.

L … J

James was biting into his third piece of bacon when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

McGonagall stood behind him, looking as stern as ever. "Mr. Potter, please follow me."

"I didn't do anything!" James protested through his mouth full of food.

"You're not in trouble, Potter. Not from me anyway. Your father is here. He wants to speak with you."

James' mouth went dry. "My father? Here?"

"He's waiting for you in my classroom," a look of pity briefly passed over McGonagall's' face. "I suggest you hurry."

James nodded and stood up. "Thanks, Professor."

McGonagall gently laid a hand on James' shoulder. "Good luck, Potter."

L …J

James took a deep breath as he opened the door to the Transfiguration classroom.

Charles Potter stood in the middle of the room, fingering his dark cherry wood wand. As usual, he was wearing immaculate flowing black robes. A traveling cloak was thrown over a desk, and a smart looking black bowler hat sat next to it.

"Hello, son," Charles' voice was hard and cold.

"Father."

There was an uncomfortable pause, then Charles spoke. "An interesting piece of information reached my ears the other day."

"Really," James commented dryly.

"An acquaintance of mine saw you in Hogsmeade with a young lady."

James felt as though a large boulder had been dropped into the bottom of his stomach as he realized with sudden clarity why his father was here to speak with him.

"The young lady was not Hestia Albright. The girl in question had red hair," Charles' voice lowered as he leaned towards James. "Am I mistaken when I say that I remember Miss Evans having red hair?"

James swallowed hard and nodded, attempting to keep his facial expression neutral.

"Did I or did I not specifically tell you to stay away from Miss Evans?"

James squared his shoulders and drew himself up to his full height. "Lily's my friend."

Charles pocketed his wand. "You took Miss Evans on a date. That hardly seems to be the actions of _friends_."

"It might have looked like a date, but it wasn't," James bit out. "I was just trying to get Lily to live on the edge a bit, to take some risks. It's something that friends do."

"Whether or not this truly is the case," Charles replied tersely, "your actions were completely thoughtless. What if word of this got back to the Albrights?"

"So what if it does?" James blurted out without thinking.

Charles clenched his jaw and took a long, heavy, deep breath.

James raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, all right?"

Charles fixed James with a cold stare. "Sorry isn't good enough. I want you to promise me that -"

"I'm not going to end my friendship with Lily. I don't care what the punishment is, I won't do it."

"I want you to promise me that you'll start paying more attention to Hestia," Charles continued as though James had not spoken.

"Hestia's my friend."

"No, she is not your friend. She is your girlfriend and your future wife, and you will treat her as such."

"I'm not going to pretend to have romantic feelings for Hestia. That's not fair to her or to me."

"You will."

"I won't!" James shouted, fisting his hands at his sides.

"You _will_, James."

"I won't treat Hestia like you treated mother!" James spat.

Charles' face turned white with anger. "How dare you -"

"I'm just putting words to what everyone else is thinking. Have you even said a kind word to mother since you were married?"

"I will not - "

"Once mother had served her purpose and given you an heir, you were done with her, weren't you?"

Charles whipped his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at James. "You've gone too far."

James smiled wryly. "I don't care. I've been waiting years to say that to your face."

L … J

Lily sat in the library trying to work on her Charms essay when Sirius Black sauntered up to her table and took a seat.

"Don't mind if I sit here, do you Lily?" he asked, already pulling out a chair and taking a seat.

"No, go ahead," Lily mumbled, waving a hand at him dismissively. Something was bothering her, something James had said the other night. _"It's just so frustrating to think that we can never be together because of some stupid contract made when I was two years old."_

Contract…contract…

"Sirius?" she asked impetuously.

"Yeah?" he looked up hopefully, and Lily felt a twinge of guilt. "I was wondering…I was wondering if you could tell me about magical contracts."

"Magical contracts?" he frowned. "Well, it rather depends on the kind of contract you're talking about. Which kind were you interested in?"

Lily felt her face grew a bit warm. "Well, James said something the other day -"

"Oh, marriage contracts," Sirius interrupted, his face dark. "What do you want to know about them?"

"I guess…" Lily stammered. "I don't really understand them is all."

"Hestia's never explained a magical marriage contract to you?" Sirius asked, grey eyes wide in shock.

Lily shook her head. "We've talked about her betrothal, but she's never explained what it entails. She's always made it sound like a mutual agreement of sorts between their parents, but then James mentioned the word contract, and it made me realize that there was more to the situation that I had previously realized."

Sirius sighed and leaned back in his chair. "James and Hestia are bound by a magically binding contract signed by both sets of their parents agreeing that their children will marry. They sign in blood."

"But what's really binding them?" Lily asked. "If the agreement is between the parents, can't James and Hestia mutually agree to end the betrothal?"

Sirius laughed hollowly. "Charles Potter wouldn't leave that large of a loophole in a contract of his making. He and Garrick Albright set a date stated in the contract by which James and Hestia must be married, and if by that date they aren't, they experience severe dizziness and nausea that no potion or spell can cure twenty four hours a day until they are."

Lily's mouth dropped open. "What's _wrong _with these people? What's so terrible about letting James and Hestia marry for love?"

Sirius shook his head. "Charles and Garrick want to see their pureblood family lines continue. As I'm sure you've seen, Celeste Albright does whatever her husband tells her. Mrs. Potter didn't want an arranged marriage for James, but Charles didn't listen to her. A common occurrence, as I'm sure you realized when we were there."

"Why are James' parents married if they don't love each other?" Lily asked, resting her chin in her hands.

"They had an arranged marriage," Sirius smiled wryly. "Neither had married by a time deemed suitable for marriage and children, so their parents took matters into their own hands and arranged a marriage for them. Charles was the perfect gentleman towards Dorea until after James was born. It's not that he's cruel to her per say, but he's rather indifferent, which is worse than being outwardly hurtful to her, really."

"That's horrible," Lily whispered trying to imagine the empty life Dorea Potter must live.

Sirius nodded gravely. "Yeah, it is. Dorea Potter is more like my mum than my mother is. She's the sweetest lady I know. She deserves better."

L … J

James sighed, remembering the words that had been said between him and his father. After sternly reminding James of his responsibilities towards Hestia, his father had left the castle to return home.

He couldn't pretend to have romantic feelings for Hestia, but what was he supposed to do? His father had ways of getting information; he would know.

_Am I a Gryffindor, or not?_ James thought, taking a deep breath. _I will find a way to fight this. I will win._

L … J

James threw his Quidditch arm guards on his bed and began removing his sweaty robes.

"How was practice?" Remus asked, looking up from an essay on the magical plants of the Highland Lochs.

"Brilliant!" James exclaimed. "We've finally got that new formation down. You know the one I told you about? We're sure to win against Ravenclaw next month."

"Excellent," Remus nodded, and then noticed that Sirius had not returned from practice. "Where's Sirius?"

"Still in the locker rooms, I expect. He was talking with McClendon about some strategy he found in _The Beater's Bible_."

Remus nodded, seeming satisfied with this answer. "James…" he began, then stopped looking unsure. "I…I know."

"Know what?" James asked as he searched for his trainers.

"About you and Lily."

James felt his body stiffen slightly, but managed to keep his facial expression in place. "Know what?"

"I know that you fancy her."

James swore and ran a hand through his hair. "How long have you known?"

"I've had suspicions for a while now," Remus replied, flipping through one of the open books on his bed. "You looked ready to kill when Sirius kissed her underneath the mistletoe, and you've been quite protective of her lately."

"He's not what she needs!" James exclaimed, stuffing his feet into his trainers and pulling the laces tight. "She doesn't fancy him anyway."

"No, she fancies you, doesn't she?" Remus asked, but it was not so much a question as it was a statement of truth.

James sighed heavily and looked away. "Yes."

Remus pushed aside his essay and leaned forward. "James, you've got to let her move on and find someone else. You can't be with her, you know that. Your father is never going to allow it."

"He is if I have anything to say about it," James announced boldly and strode from the room, closing the door with a loud click.

L … J

The sun had barely risen when Lily woke up, pushing her heavy bedcovers off her small frame. Climbing out of bed, she noticed a large bouquet of roses resting in a glass vase on her nightstand.

"Oh, Lily! Who sent you roses?" Emmeline exclaimed enviously as she too noticed Lily's gift.

"I don't know," Lily answered honestly. "There isn't a note."

"A secret admirer!" Alice giggled through a yawn as she opened her wardrobe, searching for something to wear. "How romantic!"

"From the girl who already has a boyfriend," Emmeline laughed and made a face in Alice's direction.

Lily ran her fingers lightly over the soft, delicate petals of the roses, admiring their beauty. "I wish I knew who sent them," she said softly to no one in particular, while silently wishing that they were from James.

L … J

"Ah, Valentine's Day, such a bloody waste of money," Sirius observed as he and the rest of the boys took their seats at breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Says the man who spent a fair sum on a bouquet of roses for Lily," Remus pointed out as he helped himself to a slice of bacon.

"You sent roses to Lily?" James asked, nearly stabbing himself with his own fork.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I borrowed your cloak and put them on her nightstand last night."

Envy bubbled inside James, and he struggled to keep a neutral facial expression. "I thought you were going to leave Lily alone," he commented, nonchalantly, noticing the warning look that Remus was giving him.

Sirius waved his hand and reached for the pitcher of pumpkin juice. "No, I said you didn't have to help me find out information about her and I told her, I wasn't giving up entirely. That still allows me to anonymously send her flowers on Valentine's Day."

L … J

Lily had not expected to receive anything at all on Valentine's Day. The flowers on her nightstand had left her shocked and more than a little curious about the identity of the sender. As unprepared as she had been for the roses, Lily was completely floored when a large tawny owl carrying a thin white box landed next to her during breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Who's it from, Lily?" Frank, who was sitting next to Alice, asked curiously.

Lily examined the box, searching for a tag, but found none. "It doesn't say."

"Well go on, then!" Hestia urged her anxiously. "Open it!"

While the three other girls and Frank looked on expectantly, Lily untied the red and gold ribbons and gently lifted the lid from the box. Lily's mouth dropped open in wonder as she gazed upon the contents. Inside was a carefully arranged display of flowers, all of the lily family. In the bottom corner there was a neatly a neatly folded note, which Lily pulled out and opened.

"Read it out loud," Emmeline demanded, resting her chin in her hands.

Lily cleared her throat nervously and began. _"There are dozens of varieties of the lily in the world, each as beautiful and unique as the next. But none can compare to you, a truly unique and beautiful Lily."_

Lily felt her cheeks growing warm as the other four stared at her.

"You lucky cow!" Emmeline exclaimed. "Two secret admirers!"

"Why didn't you write me a note that that?" Alice teased Frank, who looked as though he did indeed wish that he had written such a note to Alice.

"I'm going to take these up to my room," Lily announced gathering up her box with the flowers and the note. "See you guys in Charms."

Once back in her dormitory, Lily conjured a vase and carefully placed the lilies and some water inside. Stroking the petals, she smiled sadly. If only she knew who they were from. If only they were from James…

L … J

Entering the Charms room, Lily stopped short. Alice and Emmeline were paired together, as were Sirius and Remus, and Hestia and James.

Lily felt a wave of envy course through her at the sight of the Hestia and James talking. _They are technically dating_, she reprimanded herself. Still, Lily felt left out. Searching out the remaining member of the group, Lily looked around for Peter, but he was sitting by a dark haired boy from Ravenclaw. Internally sighing, Lily sat in the empty seat next to Alice and took out her notes.

"Oy! Lily!" Sirius called. "I hear you have two blokes on the line!"

Lily blushed and ducked her head. "I wouldn't phrase it as such," she muttered, embarrassed. "I just received some flowers."

Sirius laughed heartily. "So, who wins? The bloke with the roses? Or the bloke with the lilies? If you ask me, the lilies were quite cliché."

"And roses on Valentine's Day aren't?" Lily challenged, feeling a light fluttery sensation at the mention of her flowers.

Sirius shook his head. "Of course not. They're traditional, not cliché."

Lily thought for a moment. The roses had been beautiful, but then so had the lilies. In the end, Lily supposed it was the touching note that drew her to the sender of the lilies.

"I like the lilies best," she announced with a small smile, her face warm.

L … J

"Why are you smiling like that?" Sirius asked James darkly as the four boys walked to Defense Against the Dark Arts that afternoon. "You've been bloody chipper since Charms this morning."

James tried to force down his smile, but failed. "Can't a bloke be in a good mood?"

Sirius merely responded with a shrug, a frown, and a throaty grunt.

"Just because Lily liked the lilies better than your roses doesn't mean you have to pout about it," Remus observed wisely.

"Well it's not exactly something to be happy about, now is it?" Sirius threw his hands up in the air in an exasperated motion.

"You'll just have to do something to upstage the bloke with the lilies," Peter said, nearly dropping his Defense book as he tripped over his own feet.

"There's an idea, Wormtail…" Sirius pondered, tapping his index finger to his chin thoughtfully.

James and Remus both sighed heavily, then sharply glanced at the other.

Sirius looked to the two suspiciously. "And just what was that for?"

"Nothing," both replied wearily.

L … J

Hestia was sitting in front of the common room fire with a book when James approached her clutching a red rose. He extended it to her with a small smile.

"I wanted to give it to you in person. I know we're both in this situation against our will but I still wanted to give you something out of friendship."

Avoiding the thorns, Hestia took the rose from James, their fingers brushing slightly in the process. Hestia felt her face grow warm and she smiled shyly. On an impulse, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, James. It was sweet of you."

James seemed flustered by her actions, but he nodded and smiled. "You're welcome."

L … J

Lily and James had been patrolling for a little over an hour, but so far had only caught a few students out of bed. Neither minded of course, and they passed the time by talking and catching up.

As the pair strolled down the Charms corridor, a thought entered Lily's mind. "James, I've been thinking."

"About?" he replied, yawning and stretching his arms over his head.

"That night we went to Hogsmeade you said that you'd met that warlock with the bagpipes in second year. How is that possible when we've only been going on Hogsmeade visits since _third_ year?"

James smirked. "Well…let's just say that when you own an invisibility cloak, there aren't too many places that are off limits."

Lily's mouth dropped open. "You – you own an _invisibility cloak_?"

"Family heirloom," James explained nonchalantly.

"Can I see it?" Lily asked breathlessly. "I mean, I've read about them, but I've never heard of anyone but Aurors owning one. Aren't they terribly rare?"

"Extremely," James grinned. "I'll bring it along the next time we have rounds and show it to you."

"All right, then," Lily agreed, then realized something James had said earlier. "Wait… you used it to sneak out of the castle in second year?"

"Maybe," James grinned, eyes glimmering with mischief.

"You were _twelve_."

"What can I say? We criminals start young. Besides, it's not like I was by myself. Sirius came along."

"Oh, that's reassuring. Two boys and half a brain."

"_What?_" James laughed. "Is that a muggle saying?"

Lily felt her face begin to grow warm. "Of sorts. My mum always says that when you have one boy, you have one brain. When you two boys, you have a half a brain, and when you have three boys you have no brain."

"Should I be insulted by this?" James wondered out loud.

"No," Lily amended. "You and your friends are brilliant, but sometimes …" she paused, searching for the correct words to convey her thoughts.

"What you're saying," James said, the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, "is that when we're together, common sense goes out the window."

"Essentially, yes," Lily smiled.

"We've gotten better though, haven't we?" James asked. "I mean, except for the whole escaped plant thing, we haven't been too bad this year, now have we? I can't even remember the last time I hexed Snape."

"Yes, you four are loads better," Lily admitted, tucking her hair behind her ears. "It's funny, really. Until the end of last year, I couldn't stand you and the other guys –well, except Remus, I've always been friends with him – and now we're friends."

"We were such prats," James muttered, embarrassed. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers. "But I guess we've grown up a bit now, eh?"

Lily glanced over at James, thinking about what he'd said. "Yes, I'd have to say you four have grown up quite nicely."

L … J

The seventh year Gryffindors were in Potions brewing Veritaserum when Professor McGonagall entered the dungeon and walked up to Professor Slughorn's desk. The two urgently whispered in low tones for a moment before Slughorn nodded, and McGonagall made her way over to Lily and Hestia's cauldron.

"Miss Albright, I need a word with you in my office."

Hestia looked confused, but nodded and stood up to follow the Professor. "Is something wrong, Professor?" she asked.

Professor McGonagall gave no definite answer except to place her hand on Hestia's shoulder as the two excited the dungeon.

Lily watched Hestia walk away, wondering what McGonagall could possibly need to see Hestia about in such short order.

"Miss Evans! Feel free to join another group since your partner is no longer here," Slughorn called to her and Lily nodded, gathering her things and joining Emmeline and Alice at their cauldron.

"What did McGonagall want?" Emmeline asked, stirring the potion counter clockwise.

"She didn't say," Lily replied, looking at the empty doorway. "But I get the feeling that it's something serious."

L … J

Hestia lay on her back in her four poster bed staring at the wooden ceiling of the bed, unblinking. She heard the dormitory door open and then soft footsteps as they made their way over to her bed.

"Hestia?" Lily's voice filtered through the curtains, filled with concern for her. "Are you in there?"

"Yes," Hestia answered, her voice hoarse from her time spent crying.

Slowly the bed hanging parted, and Lily gently sat down on the side of her bed. Lily asked nothing, just sat waiting for Hestia to tell what was bothering her.

"Lily…there was an… attack… in Diagon Alley…" Hestia choked out. "Mm-my parents….th-they're…._dead_."

And although Hestia had just spent the last hour crying, suddenly her eyes filled with tears, and she began sobbing into her pillow, the enormous sense of loss seeming to press down on her from all sides.

Lily's arms engulfed her, and Hestia turned to cry into her friend's shoulder, letting all of her emotions out. Lily made no attempts to say how sorry she was, she simply said, "I'm here, Hestia," and those three words meant more to Hestia than all the "I'm sorry's" in the world ever could.

L … J

James sat down, feeling as though he had been struck by lightening. "Garrick and Celeste are dead?"

Lily nodded, blinking back tears. "She wanted me to tell you since she didn't think she could manage it herself right now."

"Can I see her?" James asked, wanting to offer his friend any kind of support he could. Although he had always harbored a bit of ill-will towards Garrick Albright for his role in his bethrothal, on the whole, Mr. Albright had been a good-intentioned person and had always been kind to him.

Lily shook her head. "She's not ready to see anybody yet."

James nodded, understanding. "Let me know when she is."

Lily agreed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she did so. James watched her retreating form as she went to rejoin Hestia and the others in the girls' dormitory.

James ran a hand over his face. Voldemort hadn't struck for some time and now this attack on Diagon Alley. He wondered how many others had been killed in the attack, and if any of the other students had lost family or friends.

Feeling rage broil in the pit of his stomach James swallowed, tasting blood. Becoming an Auror had always been expected of him, but now James felt the desire to right injustice and evil swell inside of him, and he vowed that he would do whatever was in his power to protect innocent people from having their lives torn apart by someone like Voldemort.

L …J

The funeral had been solemn and formal. A man who had never met her parents had stood up front and said kind, respectful words about the Albrights and what a hardship it was to loose such good people at such a young age.

Hestia reached out and ran a hand over the large white headstone that marked her mother's grave, then did the same to her fathers. They had not always listened to her - in fact, they had listened to her own wishes very little - but they had been her parents, and she had loved them. She regretted now that they had not separated on the best of terms, and that she had never replied to the last letter from her mother.

Hestia blinked, her eyes were dry and sore from the many tears she had shed in the last few days. Several paces behind her, James and Lily waited while she said a final goodbye to her parents.

Kneeling at her parents' graves, Hestia decided that she would honor her parents' last wishes, and make her relationship with James a proper one. It was all she could do to honor their memories.

L … J

James lay on his back, still clad in the dress robes he had worn to the funeral. A million thoughts and images were rushing through his brain at an incredible speed. Memories of times spent at the Albrights' home or at his own home, conversations between he and the Albrights, the family portrait that hung on the wall in the lounge at home.

Although he felt terrible for even thinking it, James realized that with the Albrights gone, it would be easier to end his engagement to Hestia. After his confrontation with Remus he had decided to talk with his parents about it, but to do so now would seem inappropriate and disrespectful to the Albrights memories. He would wait awhile, perhaps until school was out to talk to them.

* * *

**For the record, I know that boys aren't allowed up the stairs of the girls' dormitories. When Sirius says that he borrowed James' cloak and set the flowers on Lily's nightstand, he didn't walk up the stairs. He's a marauder. He has his ways.**

**I'm sorry for the wait, but my computer was being stupid as usual. And then there was finals and graduation...But I hope this chapter was worth the wait! **

**Please keep on the lookout for a new ficlet entitled "Ask Remus"! It should be coming soon if all goes well!**

Reviews and constructive criticism greatly appriciated!


	8. Feelings Deepen

**Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created**.

…………………

**Beta by: ilovethedotgame**

…………………

**Chapter Eight: Feelings Deepen**

* * *

James glanced around the crowded room, looking for a familiar face. Slughorn had certainly invited enough people to his little "Slug Club". Across the room, he spotted Lily talking with a Ravenclaw by the name of Micah Anderson. Micah was the Ravenclaw Quidditch team captain. He was very talented, both academically and athletically.

James watched as Lily laughed at something Micah had said and felt a twinge of jealously. Behind him he heard a low voice say "It's disgusting how some people would think of mixing their blood with others so far beneath them."

James whirled around to face Rabaston Lestrange, a ruddy-faced Slytherin of medium height in the same year. "What are you insinuating?" James growled, quite aware of what the Slytherin meant.

"I think you know what I'm referring to, but I'll spell it out if I have to, Potter. I think it's filthy that you're betrothed to a pureblood, and yet you'd dare to look at a Mudblood like Evans."

James pulled his wand from the pocket of his robes and pointed it at Lestrange in one fluid motion. "Take it back," James demanded his voice low and laced with barely suppressed anger.

"I'm not going to take back the truth," Rabaston hissed, a malicious look on his face as he drew his own wand. "Besides," he smirked. "You wouldn't hex me in front of the Mudblood would you? You know how she feels about that. "

"Expelliarmus!" James bellowed before Lestrange could react. The entire room fell silent and watched as Lestrange's wand soared in an arc and fell to the ground between Lily and Micah.

"Potter! Lestrange! What's all this?" Slughorn demanded as he pushed his way past students, making his way over.

"Nothing, Sir," Lestrange replied, his eyes challenging James to say otherwise.

"Lestrange called Lily a Mudblood, Professor," James said evenly, narrowing his eyes at Lestrange. He wasn't about to back down because of a bloody Slytherin.

The Slytherins in the room hid smirks behind drink glasses while everyone else glared at Lestrange.

"Merlin's beard!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I've repeatedly told members of my house that they are never to use such terminology. There is no such thing as dirty blood. Ten points from Slytherin for that, Lestrange. Now you two shake hands."

James eyed the Slytherin warily before slowly extending his hand. Lestrange did the same. The handshake was extremely brief, but Slughorn seemed satisfied. "No more fighting, boys. Enjoy the party, now."

As Slughorn moved off, Lily and Micah approached, Micah holding Lestrage's wand. He held it out for him and Lestrange took it wordlessly, leaving to join a group of Slytherins talking in low tones.

"Git," James seethed after Lestrange had left.

"Don't let him get to you," Lily advised, her voice soft. "I learned that a long time ago. If you let them get to you, they've won."

James shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "I know," he told her. "I'm looking forward to playing Ravenclaw," James told Micah in an attempt to change the subject.

"I'm looking forward to playing you as well," Micah agreed heartily with a grin. "Both our teams are in top form. It should be an excellent match."

James nodded. Gryffindor had always had a friendly rivalry with Ravenclaw. Winning was always nice, but losing to Ravenclaw was tolerable. Now, losing to Slytherin, that was another matter.

"I need to talk to Ryan Moore," Micah said suddenly, naming one of his beaters. "See you later. Bye Lily."

James frowned at Micah's specific goodbye to Lily. Was it possible that he fancied her? It was one thing to thwart Sirius' attempts at wooing Lily, but if Micah fancied her what was he to do?

"What does that frown mean?" Lily asked, looking up at him, voice filled with curiosity.

"Nothing," James answered automatically, perhaps a bit too quickly. "Let's get out of here," he suggested, walking towards the exit.

"And go where?" Lily asked, following close behind him.

"Anywhere."

The two left the room quietly, trying to not to draw attention to themselves. They walked through the dark corridors in silence until they came to the entrance hall.

"Want to sit outside for a while?" James asked. Lily nodded and they made their way outside and settled under a large beech tree near lake.

"It's very beautiful isn't it?" Lily asked, leaning back on her hands to properly view the stars of the night sky.

"It is," James agreed, also looking up. "There's Sirius," he pointed to a bright sky just above their heads. "The brightest star in the night sky. Many wizarding families name children for stars, or gods or famous heros in mythology in hopes that they'll live up to their namesakes."

"That's asking quite a bit, isn't it?" Lily questioned, looking at James as she did so.

"Yes," James agreed, turning to face her in kind. It was dark out, but he could see her outline in the light emanating from the castle behind them and from the glow of the waxing moon. "Hestia's named for the Greek goddess of the hearth. That's not quite so bad. My father wanted name me Thor, for the Norse god of thunder, but my mother talked him out of it. She chose my name; probably the only thing beside dinner menus he's ever let her decide in the course of their marriage."

"Are your parents really that unhappy?" Lily asked. After the words had left her mouth, she blushed, seeming surprised by her own frankness.

"Yes. Well, Father's not unhappy, per say. He just accepts things as they are," James answered honestly. "Mother's very unhappy though. She wanted more from a marriage. She wanted, well…a real marriage, in every sense of the word. She wanted an equal partnership with my Father; my Father wanted someone to give him an heir, and someone to keep his house. Mother never complains, though you can tell she's heartbroken each time he brushes her off. She used to love him…but I think it just got too hard to love someone so indifferent to her."

"That must be terrible," Lily said slowly. "I can't imagine a marriage in which my husband didn't see me as an equal and treat me as such. Marriage is sharing all aspects of your life with someone."

"I suppose," James sighed. "I've never seen what a real marriage is like. Sirius's parents are no better than mine; their marriage was for convenience and the continuation of their pure blood. Remus's parents divorced after he was bitten. Their marriage couldn't withstand such a tragedy. Peter's father died when Peter was only three so it's just him and his mum.

"I don't want to marry Hestia for a number of reasons, but how can I marry someone and live with them, when I don't even know how a real marriage is supposed to work? I don't want to end up like my father; no one deserves to live the life my Mother does."

Lily drew her legs closer to her body and looked back up at the inky blackness of the sky. "You won't end up like him James, you could never be like him in that respect. You're too good of a person."

"Thanks." He told her softly, and leaning over, embraced her. She smelled of vanilla, and her proximity made his head dizzy.

She rested her forehead against his shoulder and in a muffled voice, answered, "That's what friends are for."

L … J

Hestia frowned and picked at her nails. "Em…what should I do about James?"

Emmeline lowered the latest edition of Witch Weekly and looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

Hestia bit her lip. "I…I think I fancy him, Em. Every time I see him my heart starts beating a little quicker…my stomach feels fluttery…"

Emmeline smirked, and walking over to Hestia's bed, sat down on the edge, gave her a friendly hug. "I think you may be right."

"I think I should tell him," Hestia bit her bottom lip. "Establishing a proper relationship with James is the least I can do to honor the memories of my parents. Do you…do you think that's the right thing to do?"

"I can't tell you what to do, Hestia," Emmeline smiled slightly. "If you think it's the right thing to do, all I can do is tell you to follow your heart." Hestia nodded. She had known this, but she had wanted a friend's honest opinion.

"So, how long have you fancied him for?" Emmeline asked curiously, leaning forwards toward her a bit.

At that moment, Lily waked in the door, humming a slow, romantic sounding tune under her breath. "Hiya," she greeted the two, tossing her rucksack on her bed. Joining Emmeline on the end of the bed, she asked, "So, what have I missed?"

"Hestia?" Emmeline prompted with a smirk, and Hestia felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment.

"Well…" Hestia began, then trailed off. Lily watched her expectantly. ""All right - I fancy James." She watched Lily's face, searching for a reaction. To her surprise, Lily looked sad.

"Is something wrong?" Hestia asked hesitantly.

"It's just -" Lily paused, "He doesn't fancy you back," Lily finished quietly, as though she didn't want to upset her.

"I know that," Hestia responded, relieved by Lily's words. "But I think it's for the best in the long run. It'll be easier to be married to someone I care about than someone I don't."

"But what if he never feels the same? How could you be in love with someone who wasn't in love with you?" Emmeline pondered.

Hestia paused. She had never considered that James would never feel the same way as she did. "I don't have much of a choice, do I?" she answered after a long pause.

L … J

"Lily!" Lily heard her name called as she and her friends exited the Great Hall after breakfast. Turning, she saw Micah Anderson jogging slightly to catch up.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked, approaching the four girls.

"Sure," Lily replied, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ears and moving off to the side with Micah.

"We'll see you in the common room," Hestia told Lily with a small, knowing smile. Behind Micah's back, Emmeline gave her a thumbs up before the four girls turned and disappeared around the corner.

Instinctively, Lily knew what was coming, but she wasn't sure what her answer should be. Would saying yes hurt Micah later? Or would this be a good opportunity to try and forget her feelings for James?

"How are you?" Micah asked, fidgeting slightly.

Lily suppressed a smile. "I'm doing fine, thanks."

Micah smiled slightly and took a calming breath. "I wanted to talk to you because I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade this weekend. That is, if you don't have any plans?"

Behind Micah, Lily saw James and his friends exit the Great Hall. James glanced at her and Micah, his expression unreadable. Sirius followed James' gaze and his brow furrowed, obviously distressed by what he saw.

Lily paused for a moment, considering the question. "No plans," she decided, giving Micah a small smile. "I'd like to go with you." One trip to Hogsmeade wouldn't hurt anybody.

"Great!" Micah's handsome face broke out in a wide grin. "I'll meet you in the entrance hall then, ten o'clock sound fine?" Lily agreed, and the two parted ways.

L … J

James threw down his quill and sighed. Leaning back in his chair, he stared at his half written essay.

"Writer's block?" Sirius asked, pausing to reread over his own unfinished essay.

"Yeah," James lied, pretending to look over his work with distaste.

The truth was, of course, more complex than a simple Charms essay. He had been out of sorts ever since Hestia had told him that Lily had agreed to accompany Micah Anderson to Hogsmeade. Hestia had seemed excited at the prospect and had hinted at the idea of a double date. He had shrugged and tried to seem enthusiastic despite the jealousy burning in the pit of his stomach.

"Here, let me look at it," Remus offered, already reaching for James's parchment.

"Nah," James snatched his essay away from Remus's reach. Standing up, he hastily stuffed his essay into his rucksack. "I think I'll just go up to the dormitory and work."

As he walked away, he heard Sirius mutter, "What's got his knickers in a bunch?"

L … J

Hestia sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, but the fire had long since died out. She wished she could have brought her wand down to the common room with her, but she hadn't thought of it in her rush to escape.

Lying in bed, she had felt a wave of loneliness sweep over her. Earlier that evening, she had overheard a tall sixth year girl telling her friends that her parents had agreed to take her to France for the summer. The girls' words had triggered Hestia's memories of her own trip to France with her family.

Drawing her legs up onto the couch, she rested her forehead on her knees and held back a sob. She had never been particularly close to her family. Her father believed that showing affection was a sign of weakness. Hugs and kisses from her parents were few and far between, and then they were usually only from her mother. There had been little praise – she was expected to perform well.

Still, for all of their shortcomings, they had been her family. They had shaped her and would always be a part of her, no matter what the future might bring. She missed them. She missed her mother's letters, full of trivial, useless information about the latest dinner party, the way her father read his Daily Prophet, grumbling about the people running the Ministry. They had been a staple in her life that was now missing. They had cared for her in their own way and she in hers.

For perhaps the first time in her life, Hestia was glad that her parents had planned her future for her. If she were not engaged to James her future would be so uncertain. Her father's will had been read, and Hestia would have enough money to live comfortably for many years, but as welcome as financial assurance was, it was comforting to know that the Potters were there for her.

"Hestia?" a male voice asked quietly across the common room, startling her.

"James," Hestia quickly wiped at her face in an attempt to hide her tears. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't heard him approach.

He was by her side in a moment, and helping her wipe away her tears, his hands rough and callused from playing quidditch,

"You must think I'm not a very good Gryffindor," Hestia laughed weakly, straightening the blanket wrapped around her small frame. "We're supposed to be brave and fearless. But I can't help feeling a bit lost."

"Why would I think any less of you for being sad for the loss of your family? Just because people like us are from families that don't believe in showing emotion, doesn't mean that it's wrong."

His words echoed in her head. "_People like us_". Looking up, Hestia met his eyes. Their usual bright hazel seemed darker in the dim lighting, like empty voids.

"I was thinking about the future," she told him, leaning into his shoulder a bit, feeling comfortable in the friendly position.

"What about it?" he asked, and she could hear the masked indifference in his voice and feel his body tense. Her heart sank slightly as she realized that he did not look forward to their future the same way she did. She had known of course, that he did not feel the same way about her as she felt about him, but she had thought that the idea of spending his life with her was not completely repulsive.

How could she even suggest that they try and be more than friends when the idea obviously did not appeal to him at all? Although she wanted to respect her parents last wishes, she didn't want to force the issue.

"Well, Lily, Alice and I are going to rent a flat in London and live there together. Em spent forever arguing with her parents, but they won't let her. They want her to come home and help run their family business. But that doesn't mean she won't spend all of her free time in our flat."

James nodded, and Hestia could feel his body relax. "The guys and I had always planned to do that too, but then Sirius bought a flat last summer and moved in there. Peter's mum wants him to stay at home and take care of her, and my parents think it's best that I live at home while I'm in Auror training."

"I know that our parents intended for you to work and me to stay home, but I think I would like to go into training to become a healer. Would you mind terribly?" she asked hesitantly, wary of speaking about their combined future together.

"It's your life; if you want to be Healer you don't need my approval to do it."

He had not meant it meanly, or even said it in a negative tone, but Hestia still felt hurt by his words. It felt as though he was angry with her for having the ability to make decisions without her parents' approval. She sat up, moving away from him.

"I'm sorry," he told her flatly. "I just meant that you shouldn't have to ask for my permission if being a Healer and helping people is what you feel passionate about."

She nodded slowly. "I just thought that I should at least let you know since it's going to affect you in a couple years."

"I think you'll make a wonderful Healer. You always did like to help people," he told her, ignoring her comment about their future together.

L … J

"What's got you looking so smug?" James asked as Sirius sauntered into the boys' dormitory Friday night, looking quite pleased with himself.

"I just asked Marta Llewellyn to Hogsmeade tomorrow," Sirius replied, walking over and opening James' trunk, pulling out the invisibility cloak. "I'm hungry, can I borrow this to go and knick something from the kitchens?"

"Wait a minute….you asked Marta Llewellyn to Hogsmeade?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Yeah," Sirius shrugged offhandedly. "I figure Lily's never going to come around, so it's time to move on."

"You're giving up?" Peter asked incredulously, nearly dropping his quill.

"I'm moving on," Sirius repeated stiffly. "Anybody want anything from the kitchens?"

"I think I'm going to go fly around the pitch for a bit," James said, barely containing a laugh and a grin. Before anyone could ask questions, he was out the door and on his way to the pitch with a definite spring in his step.

L … J

James sighed heavily and checked his watch for the third time in twenty minutes. He still had two hours until he promised to meet Hestia at the Three Broomsticks for drinks. But until then he was stuck in Scrivenshafts with Remus and Peter. Remus was deeply absorbed in a book about magical creatures.

"Listen to this!" Remus said excitedly. "A man tried to prove that the cry of the Swooper doesn't cause insanity. He lived with it without putting a silencing charm on it for an entire year. Then –"

"Remus, you're doing it again," Peter sighed, as examined a jar of rainbow colored ink.

"Oh. Sorry," Remus returned to his book in silence, his cheeks a bit pink.

A flash of red caught James's eye, and he looked out the window to see Lily walking in front of the shop with Micah Anderson. Jealousy bubbled up inside him, and he took deep, calming breaths.

"Are you okay, Prongs?" Peter asked, staring at him curiously. "You sound like you're hyperventilating."

"I am _not_ hyperventilating," James snapped and reached for the first book he saw, which, unfortunately, happened to be a book on the life cycle of kneazles. Putting the book back on the shelf, James ran a hand through his hair.

"I think I'm going to walk around the village a bit," he told Remus and Peter.

"See you then," Peter told him. Remus merely waved a hand in James's direction, still absorbed in his book.

Stepping out onto the crowded street, James looked for a sign of Lily's red hair.

L … J

"I had a great time today, Lily," Micah said, grinning widely, and Lily felt a twinge of guilt. It wasn't that she hadn't had a wonderful time – she had- but she hadn't enjoyed it as a date, merely as a day spent with a friend.

But the truth was, she was here on a date, and although she and Micah talked every now and then in class, they were not so much friends as acquaintances.

"I did too," she told him honestly.

"Lily…would you like to come with me next time there's a Hogsmeade visit?" Micah asked tentatively.

"Micah, I…" she began, and almost instantly could see the disappointment surface on his face. "I would love to," she decided, not able to bear hurting him when he looked so crestfallen.

"Great!" he smiled, showing very white teeth. "I promised my friends that I'd have a drink with them, do you want to come along?"

"No thanks," Lily shook her head. "I should probably find my own friends and spend some time with them.

She watched Micah walk away. He looked very happy, and she felt a twinge of guilt that their date had not left her with the same feeling it had left him with. She hadn't lied to him, she had enjoyed herself; she just didn't fancy Micah the way she fancied James. She knew it was unfair to compare them, but she did it so unconsciously that she hardly realized she what was doing.

"So, you and Micah, huh?" a voice behind her asked.

Whirling around, Lily saw James standing directly behind her. He wore a forlorn expression as though he watched her watch Micah walk away, and had gotten the wrong impression about her feelings for Micah.

"Something like that," Lily responded vaguely. "He's a nice bloke."

"I didn't think that you were the sort of girl to move from one bloke to the next so quickly," he said. His voice held anger, but she could also hear the hurt behind his words.

"James," she sighed heavily. "There can never be an 'us' and you know that. I'm just trying to move on with my life."

"I don't want you to."

Lily felt defeated before she had even begun. "It doesn't –" He cut her off, not letting her speak.

"I will find a way to make this work. I promise."

Lily shook her head and began walking towards the entrance to the castle grounds. James walked with her, snow crunching underneath their feet. "I know about the agreement between your parents and Hestia's. How are you going to get past that?"

"Garrick and Celeste are dead," James said, a twinge of sadness in his voice. "That means that Hestia has legal control of their estate and affairs. She can sign on behalf of her parents to end the betrothal."

"What about your parents?" Lily pointed out. "Your mum might agree, but I've met your father. I just can't see him consenting to something like this."

James's hands clenched into fists. "I'll make him understand."

"Don't make promises you can't keep James," Lily told him sadly. "I'm going back to the dormitory. I'll see you around."

She could feel his eyes on her as she walked away, past the winged boars, through the Great Hall entryway, and up to the seventh year girls' dormitory.

Unfastening her cloak, Lily slid the warm material off her shoulders and tossed it on the end of her bed. Her eyes landed on her nightstand, where the lilies she had received for Valentine's Day were still resting in their vase, still in full bloom. The roses had wilted ages ago, but the lilies had retained their vibrancy and life.

Lily smiled, her heart soaring at the thought that someone had placed an everlasting charm on them so that they would bloom forever. It was such a touching gesture. More than ever, she wished she knew the identity of the person who had sent her the charmed flowers, and more than ever, she wished that James had been the one to send them.

L … J

Once March arrived, James and Lily began study sessions for their N.E.W.Ts tests just as he had told her they would. Often they worked in a secluded corner of the common room that was relatively free of distraction, pouring over charts and textbooks and quizzing each other. Sirius scoffed at the idea of studying so far in advance, and Lily suspected that if she hadn't broken down crying in front of James, he probably wouldn't have begun studying so early either.

As they spent more and more time with each other, Lily began to realize just how much James' friendship meant to her. Aside from her more romantic feelings towards him, Lily's regard and admiration for James swelled. In less than the span of a year, he had become one of her closest friends. She respected him, and greatly trusted him.

In their earlier years, he had been such an arrogant prat that Lily had hardly been able to stand the sight of him. She vividly remembered expressing her negative views of James to Hestia and telling her friend that she was sorry that she was engaged to such an idiot.

During their sixth year the two groups spent more and more time together, and Lily came to realize that James was maturing. He was still arrogant, but it was to a lesser degree, and he was much less vocal about his talents and abilities.

Now in their seventh year, they had become good friends, and Lily greatly enjoyed the time she spent with James whether it was for school purposes, or simply sharing their interests and ideas.

Her feelings for James were deepening, she realized. She knew that she could not let her relationship with Micah advance any further. They were not even technically dating, but she had to set Micah straight before she hurt him more than she probably already would.

L … J

"Anderson scores, putting Ravenclaw up by twenty!" the commentator announced victoriously.

The Gryffindor supporters in the stands groaned while the Ravenclaw students cheered, waving pennants and banners displaying their House spirit.

Lily watched as James took possession of the quaffle, then passed it to Adella Thompson, who passed it to Christopher Spencer. One of the Ravenclaw chasers by the name of Stewart stole the quaffle from Spencer and sped off in the opposite direction.

Suddenly, James was in front of Stewart, knocking the quaffle out of his hands. He tucked the red ball under his arm and maneuvered his way towards the goal posts.

"Potter scores, but Ravenclaw still leads by ten points!"

Suddenly it seemed the entire stadium seemed to hold its breath as the two seekers went into a deep dive. Lily watched as they hurtled towards the ground, and then pulled up sharply, following the snitch across the pitch. Susanna Perks and the Ravenclaw seeker both had their arms outstretched, grasping for the snitch –

"PERKS CATCHES THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS THE CUP!"

The Gryffindor stands exploded with cheers and whistles. A mass of scarlet and gold swarmed the pitch, rushing to congratulate the team. Lily cheered, jumping up and down and hugging all of her friends. Remus and Peter were already on their way down to the pitch

"Come, on let's go congratulate James and Sirius," Hestia urged, and the four girls began making their way down the narrow stairs to the field.

The team landed on the ground and Lily watched as James grabbed Adella around the waist and spun her around. "You caught it!" she heard him yell ecstatically. He spotted her standing next to Hestia and pushed his way through the crowd to get to them.

"Great game, James!" Hestia complimented him, giving him a quick hug. "Time for you to shower, I think!" she laughed, pushing him away and wrinkling her nose.

"You played a good game," Lily told James, her chest filled with happiness for him and his victory. She stepped forward and gave him a friendly hug. "I think Hestia was right – you need a shower."

"You mean I can't come to the party like this?" he asked, grinning cheekily.

"Don't I get a hug?" Sirius asked, showing up at her side.

"Not if you smell anything like James," Lily laughed, backing away from the two boys and their scent.

L … J

The victory party was in full swing when Alice approached Hestia, Lily, and Emmeline and asked for a private word with them. The girls trouped up to their dormitory and formed a circle in the middle of the room.

"So, what's the deal?" Hestia asked, propping her chin up on her elbows.

"Well, you know how a couple of weeks ago, we talked about all renting a flat in London together?" Alice began, nervously fiddling with an empty Droobles Best Blowing Gum wrapper. When the other girls all nodded, she continued. "I won't be able to live with you guys after all."

"What?" Hestia asked, her chin slipping off her hand.

"Why?" Emmeline stared at Alice as though she were going to take her words back any minute.

Lily said nothing, but gave Alice a scrutinizing look. The only thing that she could think of that would stop Alice from sharing their flat was…no, that was absurd. They were eighteen. That couldn't be it.

"After the match Frank asked me to marry him." She held up her left hand to reveal a small diamond situated on a gold band.

There was a ringing silence as the three girls stared at the glittering diamond on Alice's ring finger. Lily's mind was reeling with the stunning information.

"Congratulations!" Hestia cried, breaking the silence.

"Oh my gosh! You're going to get married!" Emmeline said slowly, as though trying the words out to see how they sounded.

"Since you won't be able to live with us, I'm assuming the wedding is soon?" Lily asked, smiling.

"As soon as we can manage it. We don't want anything fancy, just a small affair with close friends and family. I know it's rather sudden, but with you-know-who killing people off left and right we just want to have as much time as possible together."

The girls talked a bit more and then returned to the victory party in the common room. Frank immediately claimed Alice for a dance and Emmeline was asked to dance by a tall sixth year with curly brown hair.

"I feel so old," Lily sighed as she and Hestia sat on the stairs watching some third years performing a reenactment of the match. "We're not even out of school yet and people are planning on getting married. Can you even imagine being married this young?"

"Yes," Hestia answered tonelessly.

"But you won't be married for over a year and half," Lily pointed out, her heart sinking at the thought of Hestia being married to James. "That's still a long time away."

"Not really," Hestia replied.

"Are you nervous?" Lily asked gently, putting aside her personal feelings and trying to be comforting to her friend.

But however Hestia felt, Lily never got to find out because at that moment Sirius and James approached them and asked them to dance. Hestia danced with James first, then the groups switched partners, and Lily found herself in James' arms. Almost immediately, a new song began playing, slow and soft.

Lily was reminded of the last time she had danced with James at his home over the Christmas holidays. She wanted to rest her tired head on his shoulder, but knew that it would look far too suspicious.

She thought of Alice, and how she was going to be marrying Frank within a matter of months. Dancing with James, Lily let her mind wander to places she knew it shouldn't venture.

After all that she and James had been through this year, given the chance, would she marry him? While it was true that they had only been friends for a little over a year, she had known him for much longer. And they weren't just casual friends. She admired him, trusted him, and genuinely liked him as a person. Together they shared a unique friendship that was unlike any other she was a part of or had ever been a part of. They agreed on most important issues, but also differed enough to be able to hold a spirited debate. He was a wonderful person with a great capacity for good.

_Yes_, her mind and heart told her. _I'd marry him_.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Constructive criticism is always welcome!**


	9. Tangled Emotions

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Nine: Tangled Emotions**

* * *

James lay on his back, arms folded underneath his head, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the Potter Manor. He thought of Remus and Sirius living on their own while he was stuck living in his parents home until he was married. He hated it. He felt as though he was confined in a cage with no escape in sight.

The end of the year had come alarmingly quickly. N.E.W.Ts had been just as difficult and exhausting as predicted, but James had been pleased with his marks, not that they truly mattered. No matter his scores, he would have gotten into the Auror program because of his father's position in the ministry and not because of his own merit.

It disgusted James. He remembered how proud he was when he made the Quidditch team in his second year. It was the first time he had achieved a goal through his own abilities and not through family connections. It had given him a sense of accomplishment as nothing else had until he was made Head Boy.

So much had changed in the weeks that had past since they had left school. He, Alice, Sirius, and Lily were all in preliminary Auror training together. They were still studying defensive theory and had yet to do any practical training, but the days were still long and rigorous.

As wrong as he knew it was, the thing James most looked forward to in training was seeing Lily everyday. The more time he spent with her, the more he was attracted to her. He wanted to be make her laugh, and he wanted to protect her. He wanted to experience everything life had to offer, and he wanted to experience it all with her.

He loved her. There was no denying it anymore. This new thought simply refused to disappear into the back recesses of his mind. He loved her, as simple as that.

Except it wasn't simple. It was anything but simple.

L … J

"Micah, you're a great guy, but we need to end this," Lily told her bathroom mirror. She frowned at her reflection. Everything she thought of sounded terribly cliché and trite, but she had to break up with Micah. She had let it go on much too long as it was. Term had ended five weeks ago, and she was still dating him.

Micah had never actually asked her out; he had rather taken it for granted. He was such a sweet guy that she hadn't been able to find it in herself it hurt him, but she knew that she was hurting him by not breaking things off.

"Lily!" Hestia's voice came through the door, "you're going to be late if you don't come out of there!"

Lily sighed and opened the door. Hestia stood there, one hand raised as though she had been about to pound on the bathroom door. "Do I have to?"

Hestia gave her a pointed look. "If you want to dump him, you do."

"Don't phrase it like that," Lily wrinkled her nose. "You make it sound so cruel."

"Well, it will be," Hestia pointed out. "The bloke's infatuated with you, Lily."

Lily shook her head, thinking of how hurt Micah was going to be when she broke up with him. "I know."

L … J

"Mother… can I talk to you?" James stood in the doorway of his mother's sitting room, his heart beating rapidly. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

"Of course, dear," his mother said, setting her book down on the low table in front of her and patting the seat next to her on the couch.

Sitting down next to her, he tried to say what he had approached her to talk about. "I…I…"

"Just say it," his mother said warmly, smiling at him.

"Do I have to marry Hestia?"

Dorea bit her lip and lowered her head. "James, I thought we passed all of this when your father went to Hogwarts to talk to you after you took that other girl to Hogsmeade. I wish it didn't have to be this way, James. I didn't want this for you, but you just have to make the best of it. Hestia's a lovely girl, and you two are friends. Surely being married to her wouldn't be so terrible?"

James sighed heavily. "It might have worked, but something's_… happened_, and I can't be content with Hestia."

He could tell by her face that she understood what he meant by the look in her eyes . "Oh, James…" Dorea said, reaching over to him and touching his face. "I'm sorry." She paused. "It's Lily, isn't it? Hestia's friend. I remember how you looked dancing with her at Christmas…"

James nodded. "How can I marry Hestia when I'm in love with her best friend?"

"Do you really love Lily or is -" Dorea began to ask, but James cut her off.

"No, I truly love her, mother. Believe me, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. I'm sure."

"There's nothing I can do, James," his mother sighed softly. "You know how the blood contract works just as well as I do."

"Exactly!" James exclaimed, feeling hope rise in his chest. "Since Hestia has legal control of her parents' finances and estates she can sign to annul our betrothal."

"I would sign to end it in a minute James, and even if Hestia would agree, your father never will. You know he won't, James."

James pulled away. "I know that we'll never know if we don't try."

"We?" his mother questioned softly, her sad blue eyes meeting his.

"I need your help," he explained, placing his hand over her smaller one. "I can't do this alone. It's time for father learn to listen to you."

"I'll do what I can, James," Dorea said after a long moment. "But I can't promise anything. Please don't get your hopes up, dear."

L … J

Lily tossed her purse on the coffee table and flopped onto the sofa with a loud sigh. Rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands, she took a deep breath.

"That bad, huh?" Hestia said, sitting down on the edge of the couch.

"Oh, Hestia…" Lily brought her hands down from her face and looked her friend in the eyes. "He was so completely _crushed_. I feel terrible. If you could have seen his face…His eyes were actually tearing."

Images of Micah's distraught expression kept flashing in front of her eyes, and Lily grabbed a pillow and held it over her face.

"Think of it this way," Hestia told her, pulling the pillow away from Lily's face. Lily frowned and made a grab for her stolen pillow, but Hestia held out of her reach. "Listen to me!"

"Fine," Lily sighed.

"He would have been even more hurt if you had let things go on longer than they did. Imagine if he had gotten to the point of wanting to introduce you to his family. You really didn't date that long; he shouldn't have been so attached to you so quickly."

"But he was," Lily replied, feeling more like a horrid person by the moment. "He told me once that he had liked me since the start of term, but he'd been too shy to ask me out. I never should have agreed to go with him to Hogsmeade in the first place."

"Why did you agree?" Hestia asked.

James' face swam before Lily's vision, but she hastily pushed it away. "I just...he's a nice guy, and I thought I would at least try to see if I could fancy him…and then he just assumed that we were dating, and I never had the heart to tell him otherwise."

Hestia was silent for a moment. "To see if you could fancy him…" she repeated, as though pondering the words aloud. "Do you mean fancying someone because they fancy you?"

"I suppose," Lily answered, wary of the direction the conversation was going. "But I can't care for someone just because they care for me. There is something nice about knowing a bloke fancies you, and I suppose it is somewhat endearing, depending on who the person is, of course."

Hestia smiled, then paused. "Do you…do you think that James will ever love me?"

_No! _Lily's mind screamed, her chest constricting painfully. "I don't know, Hestia. But I think no matter what happens, there will always be respect and friendship between you two."

"There was a time we didn't even have that," Hestia said softly. Lily thought back to their early years at Hogwarts, remembering James' evident resentment that he was bound to her friend. He had even been so bold as to take a girl to Hogsmeade in fourth year. James' outward rebellion was quickly quashed when his father showed up in the middle of Transfiguration, demanding to speak with him. After that incident, James had been downcast and sullen for several days. No one but his closest friends knew exactly what had happen between James and his father, but Lily assumed that a verbal dressing down and a punishment of some sort had taken place.

Hestia had never been indignant of her betrothal, choosing to accept her sealed fate calmly. To Lily's knowledge, she had never fancied James before their last year at Hogwarts.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't care about him like I do," Hestia admitted. "But it's a nice feeling, fancying someone. You know?"

Lily nodded. She did know; she knew all too well. "Do you love him?" Her words surprised her and Hestia as well.

Hestia was silent for a moment. "I think I might…" she giggled softly. "I've known him my entire life, and I enjoy his company. I know so much about him as a person…we can just sit and talk, and it doesn't have to be awkward."

"I…I don't feel very good," Lily lied. Sitting up quickly, she made a dash for the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned against the warm wood for support.

She had been sure that Hestia would say her feelings for James were nothing strong or permanent. But Hestia was in love with James….There was no hope for she and James now. Hestia's signature was needed to annul the betrothal, which she would never do if she loved James and desired to spend her life with him. Even if Hestia was willing to end the marriage, Lily could never take James away from her friend knowing what she knew now.

"Lily?" Hestia knocked on the door, her voice anxious. "Are you all right?"

"I – I'm fine," Lily called, attempting to disguise her choked voice. Tears stung her eyes, and she bit her lip trying to keep Hestia from hearing her crying.

"Okay…well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything." Footsteps sounded, moving away from the door, and Lily let herself slide down to the floor. Resting her forehead on her knees, she allowed a small sob to escape.

Despite what she had repeatedly told James, Lily had always held on to the tiny hope that he would somehow persuade his father to annul his betrothal, and she and James would be allowed to be together. Now that hope was gone, dashed into thousands of pieces in less than the span of five minutes.

L … J

James raised his hand and knocked on the door to Lily and Hestia's apartment. He waited for a moment and then knocked again.

"Coming!" Lily's voice called, and James' stomach clenched uncomfortably.

The door opened, and there she was in a pair of faded jeans and a light green top. "James!" She said, clearly surprised at his presence. "Come in."

James had only been inside the apartment a few times before, one being when he, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had helped the girls move all of their stuff in. There was a small living room with an adjoining kitchen and two small bedroom separated by a bathroom. It wasn't much, but it was theirs, and James was envious of the freedom it afforded them.

"Is Hestia around?" He asked, trying not to think about the strand of hair that was falling in front Lily's eyes. He dearly wanted to reach out and tuck it behind her ear, but he didn't dare. "I need to talk to both of you."

"Both of us?" Lily asked as she led him to the couch and waved at him to take a seat.

He nodded. "Dumbledore has Order business he wants me to tell you," he told her, referring to the Order of the Phoenix, a secret organization led by Dumbledore, devoted to fighting Voldemort and his followers. He and Lily had been approached by Dumbledore at the end of their seventh year and had joined the Order immediately out of Hogwarts. They had then recruited their friends who felt similarly about Voldemort's actions.

"She's not here right now. She has training tonight," Lily explained as she sat down on the far end of the couch.

"Well, I can tell you the message and then talk to her later. Of course, I'll need to perform some security charms on your apartment first."

"We already have several quite powerful enchantments –" Lily began, but stopped when he pulled out his wand and waved it in a high arc above his head. "That should do."

"What did you do?" She asked, looking quite confused by his actions. Clearly she'd been expecting something else.

He felt himself grin. "Marauder's secret. The other guys would positively murder me if I told you."

Lily looked taken aback. "Are you telling me that your security spell is something that you four made up at Hogwarts?"

He shrugged and smiled mischievously. "It worked for us. We were never caught."

Lily seemed to consider this then paused. "I've always wondered, why did you four refer to yourselves as marauders?"

"Because of all the adventures we had during full moons. We learned a lot about Hogwarts; secret passages, hidden rooms, things that live in the forest…the possibilities are endless when one owns an invisibility cloak and is an animagus."

"You never did show me your invisibility cloak!" Lily accused, attempting to look angry with him, but unable to hide her smile.

"Never?" He remembered promising to show it to her, but he couldn't remember ever doing so. "Oh, well…" He pulled the silvery substance out of the pocket of his trousers and tossed it at her.

She caught it deftly in her hands, but nearly dropped it. He laughed as the material slid through her fingers.

"It's almost as though there's water inside of it!" she marveled. He watched her run her fingers over the silver material and wished that she was running her fingers through his hair instead.

He didn't mean for such thoughts to enter his mind. They simply did so of their own accord whether he wished it or not. And if James was honest with himself, he liked thinking about the possibility of being able to be with Lily.

"So, what's the message?" She asked, handing him back his invisibility cloak. Their hands brushed, and his heart fluttered at the contact. Judging by the blush rising on her cheeks, the contact had affected her as well.

"We're moving headquarters to somewhere safer."

"Safer?" Lily echoed, her face unbelieving. "Do the death eaters suspect our location?"

"Dumbledore suspects they might. That's good enough for me," Taking his wand from his pocket, he muttered a few choice words and flicked his wand twice. A piece of crisp parchment appeared, and he grabbed it, handing it to Lily.

Lily glanced the parchment and raised her eyebrows in shock. "So close to Hogwarts? Is that wise?"

James shrugged. "Voldemort won't try and attack Hogwarts with Dumbledore there. The - " he paused, unable to speak the name of the location. "The new headquarters will be safe enough. Dumbledore and Moody will see to that."

"Hm…" Lily nodded, apparently thinking about something else. "When's the next meeting?"

"You'll be contacted by way of Patronus when Dumbledore sets a date," he paused, brining his gaze to meet her eyes. "I talked with my mum last week."

Lily's voice was neutral. "About what?"

"Ending my betrothal to Hestia. She's on our side, Lily. She agreed to try and talk to my father."

"James…"Lily began hesitantly, her facial expression positively torn.

"I know you think it's impossible, but we have to try," he argued, reaching out and taking her hand. Her skin was cold, and she was trembling slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Things are…things have _changed_," Lily said quietly, looking at their intertwined hands; refusing to meet his eyes.

James felt as though something cold and leaden had been dropped into the pit of stomach. Did she mean that her feelings for him had changed? "Do you not…" he swallowed with some difficulty, "want to be with me?"

"I think we'd be better of as just good mates," Lily whispered as she withdrew her hand from his.

"No…" James said more to himself than Lily. This could not be happening. It wasn't possible. He had just realized that he was in love with her; she couldn't have stopped caring for him. She just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, James." She told him, her voice breaking.

He nodded and stood, feeling quite awkward. "I'll be back tomorrow to let Hestia know where the new Order headquarters are."

Lily saw him to the door, avoiding his eyes the entire time. "I'll see you at Auror training on Monday," she told him.

The door closed behind him with an ominous click, and he stood in the hall for a moment, not quite believing what had just transpired. She no longer cared for him…it wasn't supposed to be like that. He loved her. He was supposed to convince his father to end his betrothal, and then he would be free to be with Lily. Hurt and loss welled up inside of him, his chest tight with emotion.

He swiped quickly at his eyes, angry that a girl had driven him to tears.

L … J

Lily watched as James and his dueling partner circled each other, wands drawn. The other student raised his wand, but James was quicker and threw up a shield charm immediately followed by expelliramus. The duel should have been over, but James sent another spell at his partner, sending him crashing into the wall behind him.

"Bloody hell, Potter!" his partner exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head in annoyance.

"A death eater wouldn't have been as forgiving as I was," James replied, his voice devoid of any emotion.

He had been this way for several weeks now. He was constantly on edge and extremely irritable. Lily had barely spoken to him since she had lied to him about her feelings but the conversations they had held had been stilted and awkward at best. Lying to James wasn't something she had wanted to do, but it was for the best. Hestia loved James, and her best friend deserved to be happy. Lily hoped that James would be able to move on if he believed that she had done so.

Lily thought back to the day she had told him she was over him. He had looked as heart broken as she had felt, but she hadn't dared let her emotion show on her face. She knew she had hurt him deeply, but she hoped that he would be able to overcome his feelings and move on.

She hoped that she would be able to as well. But somehow, in letting him go, he felt more hers than ever.

L … J

James lay lounging on his bed looking at a picture of Lily and himself that Hestia had taken on a trip the three had taken to the London Zoo earlier that summer. The sun in the picture was reflecting off Lily's hair causing it to seem as though it were glowing. She looked so happy, standing there, in front of the reptile house.

There was a knock on the door, and James hastily stuffed the picture inside the advanced transfiguration book resting on his nightstand.

"Go away!" he yelled.

The door opened and Sirius strode in.

"How did you get in here?" James asked, not bothering to tell Sirius off for walking in uninvited.

"I used to live here," Sirius scoffed. "I know how to manipulate the household staff."

"I'm going to murder Dingle," James intoned, referring to one of the many house elves who staffed the Potter manor.

"Don't do that. He always brings me all the chocolate éclairs I can eat." Sirius replied grabbing James' desk chair and dragging it next to the bed. "All right, what's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Huh?"

Sirius gave James a pointed look. "You know what I mean. Something's up. You've been acting funny for the last couple weeks."

"I'm fine," James lied, looking Sirius in the eyes.

"Mate- you're not fine. Half of he time you're silent and moody, and the other half you're snapping at everyone and everything. Something is wrong, and I'm not going to leave here until you tell me. "

James bristled. "I could hex you five ways from Sunday –"

"You could, but your wand is across the room on your desk, and mine is in my pocket," Sirius drawled. "But it's a lovely thought."

James sat up and glared at Sirius. "Nothing is wrong. I'm just out of sorts. Now leave me alone."

Sirius stared at him for a moment. "I'll just get Remus to tell me."

James was suddenly wary. What was Sirius playing at? "There's nothing for Remus to know."

"Are you sure? Because back at Hogwarts I could have sworn there was some sort of secret between you two."

"You're imaging things," James replied, folding his arms across his chest.

"Hiding something about your relationship with Hestia?" Sirius prompted. "Unrequited feelings, perhaps?"

"I don't love her," James snapped irritably.

"Of course you don't. She's like your sister," Sirius stated, resting his elbows on his knees. "You're in love with Lily."

"No I'm not," James scoffed, trying desperately to keep his façade in place. It was difficult when the interrogator was his best friend of seven years.

Sirius shrugged. "I think I suspected that you fancied her a long time ago. A lot of little things just started adding up, you know? The little looks you'd give her, how much time you started spending with her outside of Head duties, how protective of her you were when I was trying to get a date with her. Remus knew didn't he?"

James sighed. Sirius knew beyond a doubt; there was no point in pretending anymore. "He figured it out on his own. I didn't tell him."

"Moony always was the insightful one. So, what's got you in such a snarky mood?"

Running a hand though his hair, James told Sirius the entire story from beginning to end. When he had finished, Sirius leaned back in his chair and whistled.

"Do you enjoy making your life difficult?" Sirius questioned flatly.

"What do I do, Sirius?" James asked, distractedly running his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time. He was sure that by now his hair was completely on end, but he couldn't find it within himself to care.

Sirius leaned over and grabbed James' advanced transfiguration book, opening and taking out the picture James had been looking at before Sirius had walked in uninvited. He examined the picture for a moment then turned to James.

"You fight for her, of course. Girls like Lily Evans don't come around all that often."

"I would, but you heard what I said, she doesn't love me," James said, his heart constricting as he remembered in the incident at Lily and Hestia's flat.

"You can be so thick sometimes, mate," Sirius handed the picture back to James. When James merely gave him a quizzical look, Sirius sighed. "She lied to you. Think about it. No one just stops fancying somebody out of the blue."

"Why would she lie?"

"Hestia's her friend," Sirius pointed out as though the entire matter was purely cut and dry. "She may want to be with you, but she wants her friend to be happy as well. Stealing her mate's boyfriend isn't exactly something that promotes friendship."

"She's not trying to steal me away from Hestia," James frowned.

Sirius shrugged. "I know that, but some people wouldn't see it like that."

_Like my father_, James thought bitterly. The first task was to convince his father to cancel the betrothal. It was going to take every ounce of his strength and perseverance, but James was determined.

"Thanks, mate," James said, climbing off the bed. "How about some of those chocolate éclairs?"

Sirius grinned broadly. "I thought you'd never suggest it."

L … J

"Happy Birthday, Alice!" The small crowd of friends cheered as Frank led Alice through the doorway of the Leaky Cauldron.

"You guys didn't have to throw me a party," Alice blushed as she sat down at the head of the table with Frank and Lily on either side.

The party progressed well, everyone catching up with their friends and enjoying their food. Then suddenly at the other end of the table James burst out laughing at something Sirius had said. He gripped the table as he tried not to choke on the large gulp of butterbeer he had just taken.

"Are you okay, mate?" Remus asked him.

Lily watched as Sirius whispered something in James' ear. James made a funny choking sort of sound and suddenly butterbeer sprayed out of his nose.

"James! That's gross!" Emmeline, who was sitting across from him, squealed over everyone else's laughter.

"That hurt!" James protested, wiping his nose with a napkin. Instead of inspiring pity, this statement only made everyone laugh harder.

Lily clutched her sides, unable to catch her breath from laughing so hard. James made such a funny picture, trying to look chagrined by everyone's laughing at him, but unable to stop laughing himself. _Merlin, I love him_, she thought.

Lily stopped laughing. _Love?_ Did she love James?

"Lily? Are you all right?" She felt Alice rest a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah…I…" Lily desperately searched her mind for answer. "I just remembered…I'm supposed to have tea with my mum next Saturday. Petunia's coming." There, it was the truth, so she hadn't even had to lie.

"Oh, that's too bad you and your mum can't have a bit of time alone," Alice sympathized.

Lily nodded and forced herself to concentrate on the conversation at hand and to pretend that her mind wasn't elsewhere.

L … J

Lily sat on the couch in her living room thinking about her revelation the other night at the Leaky Cauldron. Hestia was out window-shopping with James as a kind of date. Lily buried her face the pillow she had brought from her room, wanting to cry with the loneliness and jealously welling up inside of her.

Did she love James? Or was her heart simply responding to the knowledge that Hestia loved him also? She turned the question over and over in her mind, examining her feelings for James.

She had always heard that when you loved someone, that you would know automatically, but she was finding that this was not the case. If Hestia were not a variable, would she be quicker to admit that she loved James?

"Yes," she whispered into the soft fabric. Hadn't she known at the end of seventh year when she had danced with James at the Quidditch victory party? She had admitted to herself that night that given the chance she would marry James because…

"I love him," she said softly, her pillow soaking up her tears.

L … J

"James…" Hestia began uncertainly.

"Hmm?" James replied, his eyes scanning the front window of Quality Quidditch Supplies. They had the newest broom model from the Cleansweep line in, and he wanted to go into the shop and examine the broom -

"I was thinking…and, well…."

The balance was supposed to be hundreds of times better than that of the now outdated model. The speed was rumored to be –

"James!"

He jumped, feeling his face grow warm at having Hestia catch him being inattentive. "Yes?"

Hestia sighed and fixed him with an unappreciative stare. "I was trying to talk to you."

"Oh," It sounded ridiculous, but he couldn't think of what else to say. "Carry on."

"It's just…we don't act like a normal couple."

"In case you haven't noticed, we _aren't_ a normal couple. Normal couples actually want to be together." His words were harsh, and he knew it, but he didn't expect them to cause the reaction they did.

Hestia stopped walking and stared at him, hurt evident on her face. "James…"

"I'm sorry," he sighed wearily, running his hands through his hair. "I didn't mean that being with you is repulsive or anything. I just meant that we're both in this relationship against our wills."

"Why can't you just accept what our parents planned for us and be happy?" Hestia cried.

"Happy? How could I _possibly_ be happy with this arrangement? How can _you_?" James demanded, allowing years of frustration to flow forth unchecked.

Passersby glanced warily at them arguing, but neither James nor Hestia paid them any notice.

"It's easier to accept it than to fight it," Hestia exclaimed. "You think I've always accepted it so willingly? There was a time when I would have given _anything _to get out of this engagement. But the reality is, we _can't_. We just have to make the best of it, James."

"No, we don't. We _can_ get out of this. If I can persuade my father to agree to sign the annulment papers – " James stopped at the look on Hestia's face. She looked…broken, somehow.

"Is the idea of spending your life with me really so terrible?" she asked quietly.

James paused, searching for the words to say. "You're my friend. We'd have to live together as husband and wife and everything that that implies. I don't...I don't want to marry you. I thought you understood that."

"But…" Hestia began, and to James' extreme horror, tears spilled from her bright blue eyes. "I _want_ to be with you!"

James felt his heart stop. No, this couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. "Hestia -"

"Maybe you don't care about me in any sort of romantic manner, but I care about you!" Hestia nearly shouted. "I'm willing to be married to you and to make ours a real marriage. I'm willing to try James, but you aren't even willing to consider the _possibility_ that we'll be able to make a marriage between us work!"

With that, she turned on her heal and stormed off in the opposite direction and turned down the next alley. There was a resounding crack and he knew that she had Apparated back to her apartment. James stared at the spot where Hestia had stood only moments before, his mind racing. She cared for him? She wanted to be married to him? When had this happened, and why hadn't he noticed?

Had he really been so caught up in his feelings for Lily that he had failed to notice Hestia's interest? Had she been extremely subtle? Or – a voice in the back of mind nastily suggested - had he not wanted to see her interest and pretended that her feelings about their marriage must be the same as his?

James ran both of his hands over his face and took a deep breath. He should have seen her interest. But he hadn't wanted to see it; he was too preoccupied with his feelings for her best friend. He had caught her staring at him on several occasions, and he should have known when she kissed him on the cheek on Valentine's Day.

He was a daft, blind prat, and that was all there was to it. But what was he going to do to make things better between them? Did he even _want_ to correct what had happened between them? He was glad that Hestia knew the truth now, or at least part of it. She still didn't know that he was in love with Lily, and he hoped to keep it that way for some time.

Merlin, what was he going to do?

L … J

"Please be home, please be home," Lily pleaded under her breath as she stood on the front stoop of the home of Alice's parents.

The door swung open and Alice appeared, looking quite frazzled. "Lily!" Her voice held surprise and worry. She didn't open the door, leaving Lily standing on the doorstep.

"Alice, I need to talk to you," Lily explained, feeling desperate. She hadn't known whom else to turn to. Alice was the only one besides James that knew about her situation. And she certainly couldn't have gone to James.

"Uh…" Alice's eyes darted back and worth. "I don't think…er…this is really a bad time…" she stammered.

"I've just realized I'm in love with James and I –" Lily blurted out, but stopped abruptly, feeling the blood drain quickly from her face.

There, standing behind Alice, was Hestia.

* * *

Please review! Constructive criticism welcome! 


	10. Just One of Those Things

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Ten: Just One of Those Things**

* * *

Hestia was quite sure that nothing had ever taken her by surprise quite the way the last ten seconds of her life had.

"What?" she heard herself say, not quite believing what had just happened and wondering if she had indeed heard correctly. How was it possible that Lily was in love with James? Lily had greatly disliked James until the middle of sixth year and had only been friends with him starting in seventh year. They had worked together as Head Boy and Head Girl, but surely…one year… was that possible?

Lily was silent, staring back at her with a mixture of guilt and sadness.

"You…you're in love with _James_?" Hestia asked again, trying to draw a response from Lily. "Answer me!" she added when Lily remained silent. In her confusion, Hestia didn't realize that her voice sounded much sharper than she had intended.

"I'm _so_ sorry," Lily whispered, the words practically a sob.

Hestia felt as though Lily had just slapped her across the face. "Sorry? That's all you have to say?"

Alice cleared her throat, causing Hestia to jump. She had forgotten Alice was present.

"Maybe we should go into the front room…or something," Alice suggested, clearly trying to avoid a scene on the doorstep.

Lily shook her head sadly. "There's nothing to say."

"Nothing to say?" Hestia echoed incredulously. As far as she was concerned there was quite a lot to be said. She wanted an explanation, for Merlin's sake!

"I didn't mean for this to happen. It…It's just one of those things."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hestia demanded, feeling tears threaten her eyes. "You're in love with my boyfriend. How am I supposed to respond to something like that, Lily?"

"I honestly don't know," Lily told her. "But I can't stay here…" And with those words, she turned on her heal and Disapparated.

Hestia stared at the spot where Lily had just been, her mind trying to process and deal with what had just taken place. "Alice…what do I do?"

Alice said gently. "Lily's your friend; don't you think that if she could change the way she feels she would? She's been - I'm sure she's been fighting her feelings for him. Why do think she was here? She's obviously upset about the situation."

Hestia was silent for a moment as she thought about Alice's words. Wait…hadn't Alice Lily "_had been_…"

"You knew she fancied him!" she accused, her mind racing as she wondered what other secrets her friends were hiding from her. "You _knew_, and you didn't say anything to me?"

The color drained from Alice's face as she found herself put on the spot. "It wasn't my place to tell anyone! I figured it out on my own; Lily didn't tell me. Hestia…it's not easy for her. She doesn't want anybody to get hurt."

Hestia considered this, chewing her bottom lip. "I suppose…I suppose I should go back to our flat and talk with Lily. I was a bit short with her. But I was just so completely _floored_."

So many things made sense now… Lily's reaction to her confession of her own feelings for James, for one. There had also been the reluctance to double date, and the limited enthusiasm of her and James' status as a couple.

_Poor Lily_, she thought sadly. _It must be hard to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back and that can never be with you._

L … J

Lily's head throbbed as she lifted a mug down from the cabinet above the sink. She lit the stove with a jab of her wand and placed a kettle of water over the flame. Lowering herself slowly into a chair, she rested her weary head on her arms folded in front of her on the small circular table that resided in the corner of the small kitchen.

A loud rap on the front door caused Lily to suddenly jerk out of her brief moment of peace. Hestia would have simply let herself in with her key, so it wasn't her. She was probably still talking with Alice. Goodness knows that they had quite a lot to talk about.

A thought struck Lily. Wasn't Hestia supposed to have been out with James? Why had she been at Alice's?

Feeling too emotionally drained to deal with anyone at the present moment, Lily chose to ignore the person at the door and finish making herself a mug of tea. After that, she would curl up on the couch and read some of the new book she had bought from a muggle shop down the street.

The knocking came again, more insistent this time, followed by a male voice.

"Lily! I know you're in there!"

James.

He _would_ show up at the most inopportune moment. And what was worse, she couldn't pretend that she wasn't home. The son of an Auror, James knew handy spells that were able to detect the presence of witches and wizards and their magic. She had seen him use such spells before during missions for the Order.

"Just open the door, Lily!"

Sighing, Lily pulled herself up from the table and made her way to the front door. When she opened the door, he was standing with his wand out stretched, muttering under his breath.

"What do you want, James?" she asked wearily. It hurt her heart every time she saw him, knowing that she had effectively severed the romantic ties between them, and she wasn't sure that after her meeting with Hestia that she could emotionally stand any more drama.

"I need to speak with you," he said, his voice extremely serious. He stepped into the apartment without waiting for her to invite him in. "It can't wait," he told her at the look she gave him.

"I just put the kettle on," she conceded, leading the way to the kitchen. Setting a mug down in front of James, she poured him some hot water and handed him a tea bag.

Lily swirled her teabag around for a moment with a spoon, and then James asked, "Why didn't you tell me before how Hestia felt about me?"

Lily nearly dropped the spoon she was holding in surprise. "She told you then?" she asked cautiously, taking the spoon from the mug and tapping it gently on the rim.

"Yes," James answered, looking at his tea rather than at her. "Right after I told her that I wanted out of our betrothal."

This time Lily did drop her spoon. It clattered on the wooden table and she let it rest where it had fallen. "You did _what_?"

"I went out with Hestia today with every intention of telling her that I wanted to be free of our betrothal. I was going to be as kind about it as possible, but then…Well, the conversation didn't exactly start as I'd planned, and I ended up telling her in the middle of an argument."

"I-" Lily began, thousand of thoughts racing through her mind faster than she could keep track of them.

James looked up, meeting her gaze, his hazel eyes intense. "I know you lied to me when you told me that you didn't care for me anymore."

Heart beating quickly, Lily began to protest, but he stopped her.

"You were just trying to be a good friend because you knew that Hestia fancied me. But Lily… she and I will never be happy together. It takes two people to make a relationship work."

"How do you know you could never be happy with Hestia?" Lily challenged. "You're friends with her aren't you?"

"I can't force myself to love her! Believe it or not, Lily, I have tried. I don't want to see her unhappy. I want her to marry someone she loves and to have a good life."

"Then marry her!" Lily cried, feeling tears begin to well up in the corners of her eyes.

"She loves you, and being married to you is what would make her happy!"

James leaned forward slightly, a decidedly determined look masking his face. "Don't you see! Just because she loves me doesn't ensure that she'd be happy! Being married to someone who doesn't love you back isn't exactly conducive to happiness."

"You might have come to love her in time. It happens all the time in other countries."

"I can't marry Hestia when I'm in love with you!" James shouted.

There was a tense silence as James realized what he had revealed and Lily sat back in shock. He loved her? Truly loved her? Or was love for her a way out of his impending marriage?

Lily didn't know what to say to this confession. Her heart had longed for him to say those words to her, but at the same time her mind told her that it was wrong. He was supposed to care about Hestia, not her. It was, after all Hestia whom he would be spending the rest of his life with. Harboring feelings for her would only make his marriage an unhappy one for both him and Hestia.

"James, are you-" she finally began to question, but he refused to let her finish.

"Yes, I meant what I said." He took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "I want out of my betrothal to Hestia _because_ _I love you_. Just thinking of spending my life with anyone else feels as though I'm going to be imprisoned for the rest of my life."

"Thanks, James. I'm really chuffed that you equate being married to me with going to Azkaban."

In all the years that Lily had known Hestia, she had never seen her like this, and although Lily was not easily intimidated, for a moment, she was frightened of her friend.

"Listen, Hestia – " James began, his voice even and level, "I think the three of us need to sit down and talk this over."

"What's there to talk about? It appears that you've both already talked it over without me," Hestia replied, attempting to sound scathing through her trembling voice. Lily could tell that Hestia was trying to put up brave front, but she also knew that her friend was close to tears.

James clenched his jaw and tried to reason with her again, but Hestia simply cut him off.

"We are dating, you know!" Hestia choked out, blinking furiously. "Even if you haven't been physically unfaithful, you have been emotionally unfaithfull. And I think that's just as bad!"

She turned and stormed out of the kitchen. A few seconds later, Lily heard a door slam, and she winced.

"That did _not _go well," she sighed heavily, rubbing her temples.

"I think that's putting mildly," James agreed, his voice emotionless.

The two sat in silence for a few more moments before James rose to his feet. "I should be going. I'll…I'll talk to you later. When she's calmed down a bit."

Lily nodded and rose to her feet as well.

"I can see myself out," he told her. "Thanks for the tea."

Leaning down, he pressed a light kiss to her forehead. Then he was gone.

And although her head continued to throb and she was more than a little apprehensive about having to face Hestia in the morning, her heart still felt warm from his kiss and she smiled in spite of herself.

L … J

Lily awoke tired after a night of fitful slumber. She had been unable to sleep until nearly dawn, and then before she knew it, it was time to get up.

Stumbling into the kitchen she was surprised to find Hestia already there, sitting at the round table with a mug of tea in her hand. She would have thought Hestia would be avoiding her after what had occurred the night before.

The two merely stared at one another until Hestia broke the silence. "How could you?" she accused. "Didn't our years of friendship mean anything to you?"

Lily purposely ignored Hestia's question and went about making herself a cup of tea.

"Why him?" Hestia questioned again, her voice rising in volume. "Of all the people in the world, you had to pick him."

Lily bristled at Hestia's harsh words. How dare she accuse her of falling in love? It wasn't as though she had deliberately set out to take James away from her best friend. She would never do that!

"Don't you think if I could have picked any one else I would have?" Lily yelled back, angered that her best friend of seven years would accuse her of trying to steal her boyfriend.

"Oh, sure, it really shows," Hestia sneered. "I should have seen it earlier, the way you act around him, the way you look at him…"

"You're seeing things that aren't there Hestia! I treat James no different than Remus, Sirius or Peter. He's just my friend!"

"But you'd like him to be more wouldn't you?"

Lily opened her mouth to deny it, but found that she couldn't. She had spent all of seventh year at Hogwarts denying her feelings for James to others and to herself, and she couldn't do it any longer. To deny something she felt so strongly hurt too much.

Hestia nodded tersely, as though she had expected this response. "You just had to pick him."

"You're acting as though I've been plotting against you!" Lily cried, completely frustrated with her friend. "I didn't mean to fall in love with James, I just did. It's just one of those things, Hestia! Do you really think we would be in this situation if I had the choice? I would never willfully hurt you!"

"Yeah, well, you did."

Lily wiped a tear off her cheek. "Don't you understand? He's yours! You think I don't know that by now? Guess what? I do! I've had to watch you two date, and I've been forced to double date with you. How do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I enjoyed that?

Hestia shook her head slightly, then sighed heavily. "But why _him_? Why _James_?"

Lily laughed, but it was a humorless laugh. "You don't _choose_ who you fall in love with! I just _did_. He's wonderful…he makes me laugh and feel worthwhile. He's there when I need someone. Talking with him is incredibly easy. Just being around him…he makes me feel safe."

Hestia was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "I – I'm …sorry, Lily. I guess…My mother always assured me that one day I would come to love James even though we weren't marrying for love…I never believed her, and for a while I fought my betrothal. But then it just got too hard to be constantly arguing with my parents over something I knew would never change. So I gave in and accepted it.

"And then when I started to fancy him, I thought that maybe my parents were right. If I was falling in love with James, maybe he was falling in love with me. Maybe everything would be all right… But nothing good has come out of this betrothal. Only heartache."

"I am sorry," Lily said, moving forward to hug her friend.

"Don't be," Hestia replied as her arms circled Lily in return. "I overreacted. I understand that you aren't trying to take him from me. The fact that he's in love with you…I know you didn't encourage it."

Lily pulled back and regarded her friend, wondering how much of what she said was true. "Thank you."

L … J

James was sitting in the parlor reading a book on defensive theory when he heard his mother's voice coming from the foyer.

"Charles, I need to speak with you."

His father's voice was dismissive. "I have lots of work to finish, Dorea. Another time would be more convenient."

"This is important," his mother insisted, but James could tell her confidence was wavering.

"So is my work."

Footsteps sounded on the stairs.

James clenched his jaw in anger. Work had always come first for his father and look at what it had gotten him. He had a large home and more money that he could ever want, but he lacked the love of his family. He had chosen the Ministry over James and his mother, and this was the result.

"It's about James!"

The footsteps stopped.

"What about him?"

"This isn't the place. Couldn't we sit in my sun room and talk it over?"

"You can tell me here just as well as anywhere."

James waited with baited breath.

"It's about James' engagement to Hestia…Don't you think…Well, don't you think the two of them should be allowed to-"

"No," came his father's voice, cold and strong. "And that's my final word."

"But-"

"I said, no." The footsteps continued.

Tossing his book onto the sofa, James stormed out of the parlor, every particle of being filled with anger towards the man who had caused so much unhappiness.

His mother turned to stare at him, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm sorry, James," she told him quietly, trying to keep her composure. To allow her tears to fall would be admitting to her unhappiness. James wanted her to let the tears fall for everyone to see. This was what a marriage of convenience had done to such a kind and giving woman.

"Don't be," he told her, putting his arms around her and holding her close. "I'm sorry I put you in this position. It was my place to ask him."

Dorea shook her head. "No, it's mine. You're my son, and your welfare is my first concern. I never should have allowed him to arrange this marriage in the first place. I could have stopped it. He listened to me more in those days. I'm so sorry you ever had to be put in this position, James."

"I'm going to talk with him," he announced, feeling empowered. "And don't try to stop me. I'll make him listen to me."

Releasing his mother, he strode to the stairs. Once he had reached the landing, he turned right and made his way down the wide corridor. At his father's study, he rapped loudly on the heavy wooden door.

"Come in," his father commanded at once.

When James entered the room, his father was standing near the door, looking into the foe glass that hung on the wall.

"I never thought I'd see the face of my own son when I looked into this," Charles motioned to the glass. "But there you are."

James ignored the statement, knowing that his father was simply attempting to make him feel guilty. It wouldn't work. "I need to speak with you about my betrothal to Hestia."

"I'll tell you what I told your mother. The answer is 'no'," Charles' voice was hard. "I've had enough of this nonsense. I thought we had cleared that up back when you were in school, but it appears I was wrong."

"It isn't nonsense!" James protested, trying to remain calm. "I just want to make my own choices in life. I want to marry someone I love. Do you love mother?" he blatantly questioned, locking eyes with is father.

Charles stiffened and drew himself up to his full height. "This conversation is completely inappropriate, and I won't sit here and be questioned in this manner by my own son."

"You don't," James accused. "You don't love her! Well, I don't love Hestia, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life chained to her!"

"I am not chained to your mother, James. I do not regret following the wishes of my parents that I marry her. Your mother gave me you, and I love you, James. I only want what's best for you."

"What's _best_ for me?" James exploded, pounding his fist against the desk in rage. "What's best for me is to marry someone I can love!"

"You will learn to love Hestia. Forget Lily, James."

"No! I don't want to learn to love Hestia, and I certainly don't want to forget Lily."

"You have no choice, James," Charles' steely eyes booked no argument. "This discussion is over."

Seeing his father make a move for the exit, James leapt in front of the door, barring the way. Pulling his wand from the pocket of his robes, he pointed it at his father.

"Now you listen here, James –" Charles began, but James interrupted him.

"No, you listen!" James yelled, feeling desperate. "I love Lily!"

There was a ringing silence after the words were spoken. Charles searched his son's eyes, looking for truth; waiting to see if the words would be taken back.

Taking a deep breath, James brought his wand to point at his chest. "If you force me to marry Hestia, I swear to you I'll kill myself."

L … J

Dark sunlight penetrated the room, peeking under James' eyelids and waking him.

Sitting up slowly, James realized that he was lying on his four-poster, still in his robes. His glasses were neatly folded on the nightstand.

"Is Master James awake now?" a high-pitched voice questioned from the doorway.

Dingle stood in the doorway, balancing a breakfast tray laden with crispy bacon, lightly browned toast and a tall glass of orange juice.

"How did I get here?" James asked, picking himself up off the bed and crossing the large expanse of his bedroom.

"Master Charles did not want to do it Sir. But you makes him. You threatens to kill yourself, so Master Charles must do it, Sir."

Of course. James realized that he was stupid to have thought that his father couldn't have prevented him from doing anything rash. Charles Potter had been one of the Ministries top Aurors for a reason.

James reached for his wand, but he found his pocket empty except for an old chocolate frog wrapper and a handful of knuts.

"Where's my wand?"

"Master Charles took it away when he brings you here, Sir. He says it isn't safe for you to have it, he does."

James swore and kicked the dresser.

"Mistress Dorea sent you breakfast, Sir," Dingle suggested in a helpful tone.

"I'm not hungry," James replied in a deadpan tone.

"But Master James must eat!" squeaked the house elf. "You must, Sir!"

"I don't _have_ to do anything." James replied tersely and strode across the room and sat down at his writing desk. He crossed his arms defensively.

Dingle shook her head, her large bat ears swinging sadly. "Master Charles will not like this. No, no. He won't."

"Good," James retorted sourly.

The moment Dingle left the room James bolted to the door and tried the handle. Fighting back a gasp as an electric shock bit through him, he released the handle with a curse.

Racing to the window, he flung open the shutters. Grabbing a book from his desktop, he threw it at the window with all of his might. The book bounced off an invisible barrier and back into the room where it dropped to the floor.

L … J

Lily opened her apartment door to find Mrs. Potter standing in the hall. She looked poorly. Her eyes were wet and puffy, and her usually perfect hair was coming loose from its tight bun at the back of her neck.

"Mrs. Potter! Come in!" Lily invited, wondering what the other woman could possibly doing here in such a state.

Dorea shook her head impatiently. "I need you to come with me. Now." Her voice booked no argument.

"What is it? Is everyone okay?"

"It's James."

"Is he hurt?" Lily asked frantically, her heart beginning to race at the mere prospect.

"Not physically, but you have to talk to him. Make him see reason!" Mrs. Potter's voice was reaching desperation. "He's threatened to kill himself!"

L … J

James was sitting in the midde of his bed, flipping through a photo album of pictures from Hogwarts when Lily's voice startled him out if his nostalgic thoughts.

"James Potter! What in the name of Merlin is going on here?" she exclaimed, putting her hands on her hips as she looked about his room.

The room did look something akin to a disaster zone. There were bits of broken objects and feathers from a shredded pillow scattered around the room. A shattered ink well lay broken in the middle of the floor, ebony liquid pooled about it.

Ignoring her reaction to the broken objects littering the floor, he tossed his book to the side, scrambling off the bed. Striding quickly towards her, he gathered her up in his arms, burying his face in her hair.

Pulling away from her, he ran his eyes over her, feeling soothed by the very sight of her. "What are you doing here?" he asked her, looking over her shoulder only to see a closed door.

"Your mum came to the apartment and asked me talk some reason into you," Lily explained. "She told me you threatened to kill yourself."

James looked down at his feet and nodded. He admitted now that his words had been a bit rash, but he wasn't sure he would do any differently if given the chance. He did, however, regret the fact that he had worried his mother so terribly.

"Why, James?" Lily implored, her green eyes filled with an emotion he couldn't define.

He looked up, meeting her eyes. "I told my father that I'd kill myself if he forced me to marry Hestia."

Lily wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his chest. James noticed, not for the first time, how well she fit in his embrace. "James, that's not worth your life."

"I love you, Lily. If I can't live life with you, I don't want to live it at all."

Lily swallowed hard, obviously trying to hold back tears. "James, you shouldn't say things like that."

"No, I should say things I mean to the woman I love. Besides, you want me to say them," James whispered into her hair.

He knew that Lily was right, that he shouldn't be saying such things to a woman who was decidedly not his fiancée. But James also knew that at that moment, he didn't care. He loved Lily, and that was all that mattered.

Lily pulled away and stood at arms length from him. "James…if you do have to marry Hestia –"

"No," James cut her off, unwilling to hear what he knew she was going to say. "I'm not going to have to marry her. I will find a way."

"Stop it!" Lily cried, pulling her hands away from his. "Every time you say that it gets my hopes up that maybe we can be together. But you know what? Life isn't a fairytale, and not everyone gets to live happily ever after! There is a very strong possibility that we won't be able to be together, and you need to accept that!"

"I don't want to accept that!" James shouted back at her, his eyebrows knitting together in anger.

"And you think I do?"

"You're sure doing a good job of it," he sneered at her, crossing his arms. "I thought you were a fighter, not someone who let others push them around and make their decisions for them. You're awfully prepared to accept my marriage to Hestia. Someone might wonder if you actually want to be with me, or if you just enjoy messing with me and ruining people's lives."

Lily was silent for a moment staring at him, her eyes blazing with emerald anger. When she spoke, her voice was calm, yet anger lurked directly below the surface. "You are the biggest prat I have ever met James Potter. If that's what you think of me, then you don't know me at _all._"

James watched as Lily turned swiftly on her heal and marched to the door. She yanked it open and paused to look back at him before slamming the door behind her.

* * *

**I'm sorry for the wait. I've been extremely busy with school related stuff and I had some issues with chapter length and how many chapters there were going to be. The next chapter should be up sooner than this one. Again, I'm very sorry. Thanks for reading!**


	11. Facing Reality

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Eleven: Facing Reality**

* * *

James had just let the woman he loved walk away from him. Not only that, but he had unjustly accused her of toying with his feelings and purposely hurting her best friend.

He was a complete and utter prat, and if she never talked to him again he wouldn't blame her. She had every right to be furious with him. He had been hurt by her willingness to accept a life without him, but that was no reason for his spiteful words.

In his mind he kept seeing her turn and glance at him before slamming the door. Her eyes not been filled with anger, but with sadness. She had been disappointed in him, and that him more deeply than any other aspect of the situation.

"James?" his mother asked, knocking on the door as she opened it hesitantly.

"Tell Father to remove the spell," he demanded, referring to the charm that kept him imprisoned inside his own room yet allowed others to freely come and go. "I have to go after her."

His mother's arms enveloped him, drawing him near. "Maybe it's better this way, dear."

"No!" James tore himself from his mother's arms. He felt his temper rising once more and he struggled to keep his anger in check. He would not hurt anyone else today.

"James, I know that you don't want to accept the way things are, but maybe it's time to face the truth."

"The only truth I know is that I love Lily. I may have just had a row with her, but I still love her, and I still want to marry her."

Dorea sighed wearily, obviously very distressed by the situation at hand.

"I'm not going to kill myself," James told her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"Even if your father forces you to marry Hestia? Do you promise me, James?" She asked, her eyes begging him to swear that he would keep his word.

James hesitated as he looked into his mother's hopeful face.

"I promise."

L … J

"That _prat_!" Lily fumed, throwing herself into an armchair in her living room. "Of all the bloody nerve!"

"I haven't heard you call James that since sixth year," Hestia said quietly, coming from the kitchen area to sit on the couch across from Lily. "What's he done?"

Thoughts raced through Lily's mind as she wondered how much she should tell Hestia about the events of the afternoon. "Nothing," she decided. "I'm not talking about James."

Hestia sighed and regarded Lily with a sad look. "James is the only one you call "that prat" in that tone of voice. Please don't lie to me, Lily. I've had enough of people keeping secrets from me."

Lily looked at the broken expression on Hestia's face and knew she couldn't lie to her friend any more. Hestia had recently been through a huge shock, and she deserved to have answers.

"James and I got into an argument this afternoon. I told him that we needed to accept the possibility that…that we may not be able to be together," Lily explained, looking down at her lap. Even thought she was determined to tell the truth, she couldn't look Hestia in the eye.

"What did he say?"

"He said…he said that he thought I wasn't someone who sat back and let others make decisions about my life. H-he accused me of playing with his feelings to deliberately hurt him…and you. I told him he was a prat and that he obviously didn't know me very well, and then I left."

Lily glanced up to see Hestia sit back in shock.

"He said that?" Hestia asked, seeming taken aback by this information.

Lily nodded miserably. "How _could_ he? Of all the people…"

"He was hurt," Hestia tried to explain. "Lily, you wouldn't realize…you haven't lived in the wizarding world long enough to understand how important family ties and family loyalty are - especially amongst purebloods. James has risked a lot to openly defy his father and declare his feelings for a muggleborn. A lot of people wouldn't have done such a thing. But you know James, he's never been one to back down when things get difficult. To hear you talking as though you were ready to give up after all he's worked for….well, you can imagine."

"I'm still angry with him, no matter what his reasons were," Lily said, folding her arms as she sat back against the chair.

"Of course you are. He said some very hurtful things to you, and he threatened to kill himself. You have every reason to be angry. I'm just trying to explain why he said the things he did. I don't excuse his behavior."

Lily's mind processed Hestia's previous sentences. "I never told you about James threatening to kill himself."

"Mrs. Potter came while you were out getting groceries and told me everything. She asked me to come and talk to him."

"And….?" Lily prompted hesitantly.

Hestia shrugged and looked down at her lap. "I didn't go. I'm not ready to see him yet. I'm too cross with him. To be honest…I'm still angry with the both of you. I know I said I wasn't, but I am. I didn't want to lie...I was trying not to be cross about everything, but I can't help how I feel."

"But you –" Lily began, her brow knitting together in confusion.

"No! Listen to me!" Hestia said sharply and Lily fell silent. "You didn't choose to love James. I know that. But I still feel betrayed. You knew he fancied you, and he knew you fancied him. I know that you didn't want to tell me because you thought I would be hurt if I knew, but I would have rather known than have been kept in the dark. You hurt me more by not telling me what was going on."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think my feelings for him would last. I wanted them to go away."

"Did you?" Hestia asked, a dark undertone in her voice.

"At first," Lily replied honestly. "But I also wanted to be his friend, so I refused to keep my distance from him. But being his friend only made me fancy him more. I told myself that while we were at Hogwarts it would be too hard to avoid him. Then after we were out of school, I told myself that because we have the same friends and are in the Auror program together that it still wouldn't be possible. This whole time I've been subconsciously trying to find ways to be near him…I've been selfish, Hestia, and I'm sorry."

"_Please_ stop saying you're sorry."

Lily blinked, startled by the tone of Hestia's voice. "Do you think I'm lying when I say that?" she questioned tentatively.

"I know you're sorry for everything that's happened," Hestia explained tersely, "but continually saying so isn't going to change anything that's happened. What's done is done, and we need to move forward."

"So where does everything go from here?" Lily asked, knowing what had to ultimately be done. "Our friendship, I mean."

"I- I think we should give each other some space," Hestia suggested, her eyes avoiding Lily's. "Until…until we've had time to think about things."

Lily nodded. She knew what Hestia was asking since she had no parents or home to go to. "I understand. I'll ask my parents if I can stay with them until you're ready to talk again or…whenever you decide."

L … J

"Your mother tells me you've promised not to kill yourself," his father said as he opened the door and strode into James' bedroom.

James merely glared at his father and shrugged in an uncommitted manner before turning back to the book he was reading.

"If you intend to keep your promise I might consider returning your wand to you and allowing you to leave this room," Charles said, taking his own wand out of his pocket and sliding his fingers over the slim piece of wood.

"I promise," James replied in a deadpan voice, not looking up from the book.

"You might be more grateful," Charles retorted, his lips a thin red line in his face.

"_Grateful_?" James echoed incredulously, snapping his book shut. "What do I possibly have to be grateful for? I'm being imprisoned in my room, being denied the chance to be with the girl I love, and being forced to marry someone else. Please, enlighten me!" he finished with a sarcastic sneer.

"If you don't shape up your attitude, I just may decide to keep you in here a bit longer," Charles threatened coolly. "You're forgetting who holds the power, James."

James took a deep breath and let it out again, counting to ten in his head. "I'm ready to be let out of here."

"Do you promise not to kill yourself?" Charles asked simply.

"Yes," James bit out, angry that his father had won. "I already promised Mother."

"And do you promise to obey your mother and myself and work with Hestia to plan your wedding?"

"You're going to start planning the wedding?" James asked, completely taken aback by this new development.

Charles smiled in a humorous manner. "Your mother and I felt it would be best to proceed with the planning to help you come to your senses and realize that you will be marrying Hestia Albright."

"You mean _you_ think it would be best. Don't pull Mother into this; she wants the betrothal ended."

"_Do you promise?"_ Charles asked again, choosing not to comment on what James had said.

"I promise," James replied after a long pause. For the first time, he began to feel a sense of hopelessness about his future with Lily.

L … J

She had known he would be coming. She had known that as soon as he was freed from his room he would come looking for Lily, in order to apologize to her and set things right again.

_When was he going to come to apologize to you?_ her heart cried angrily.

When she opened the door, he stood there, his black hair horribly disheveled, and the muggle clothing he wore slightly rumpled. In spite of her anger, her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him standing there in her doorway looking so handsome.

Silently, she let him come in to the flat and shut the door behind him. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"She's not here. She's gone to stay with her parents for a while."

"You didn't chuck her out did you?" James asked, his eyes narrowing. "Because this is _not_ her fault."

"Of course it isn't!" Hestia cried bitterly, feeling as though she had reached her breaking point with the whole ordeal. "It isn't _Lily's_ fault, it isn't _my_ fault, and it isn't _your_ fault! It's just one of those things that happens! It's no one's fault! Well guess what, James? It has to be _somebody's fault_! And I think both you and Lily are equally to blame."

"I think you're making unfair accusations," James began.

"Oh _really_?" Hestia asked sardonically. "Which part was unfair? The part where you and Lily both knew about your feelings for one another? Or the part where neither of you truly tried to get over your feelings? Or maybe it was the part where you were planning _behind my back_ in order to get out of our betrothal? Or maybe, just maybe, it's the part where you led me on, having me believe that everything was fine with our relationship!"

"I never pretended to be in love with you," James answered solemnly. "You've always known that I have never cared for you as more than a friend."

"Maybe so, but you never acted as though you wanted out of our betrothal either! I thought you were at least attempting to accept the situation." Hestia pointed out, her stomach writhing with anger and nerves and pain.

"Oh, and I suppose the fact that I asked Arianna Hutchinson to Hogsmeade back in fourth year wasn't a sign of rebellion?" James replied sarcastically. "And maybe you haven't noticed, but we've never truly acted like a couple. I've been polite, and I've been a gentleman towards you, but I never pretended that I was content with our situation. The signs were there, Hestia. You just didn't want to see them."

"That's right," Hestia said, tears falling from her eyes and coursing their way down her already damp cheeks. "It's all my fault that I'm hurting right now. If I'd only seen all the signs sooner. Well, pardon me for wanting more than what my parents had. _Pardon me_ for wanting more than what _your_ parents have!"

James was silent, staring at her as she stood before him, tears silently rolling down her face.

"Maybe I have been silly, and maybe I've deluded myself into thinking that everything was fine, but that's only because I wanted to be happy, James. You know what it was like growing up. You know how my mother and father were…Until Hogwarts you were my only friend and you were the only one who was able to make me truly happy. I guess I've never been able to let go of that connection - that hope that you could always be the one to make me happy."

James seemed to consider this briefly before he spoke. "I just want to be happy as well –"

"But you've never even considered that you could be happy with me! Do you know how small it makes me feel to know that you'd rather be dead than spend your life with me?"

"Hestia - "

"Please leave," she pleaded quietly, not able to look at him any longer. "I can't see you right now, James."

"Will you just - " he tried again.

"_Please_," she closed her eyes, willing herself to hold back the torrent of tears she knew was coming until he was gone.

She heard the door open and close, and a loud crack in the hallway told her that he had Disapparated.

Sinking to the floor, she covered her hands with her face and cried out of all her anger and sadness.

L … J

Emmeline whistled softly as Lily finished recounting the events of the last year concerning herself and James. "That's quite the story."

Until twenty minutes ago, Emmeline had known nothing of the feelings between Lily and James. She had been left out of the entire ordeal, and although Lily hadn't planned on going to see Emmeline when she left the apartment, she felt that her friend deserved to know what was going on in her life. She also wanted to be able to talk with someone who hadn't been included in the events and was a fairly impartial source.

Lily nodded. "It all sounds so…so…" She struggled for the words to describe her life over the last year. Complicated and tumultuous came instantly to mind.

"It's like something out of an old fashioned romance novel," Emmeline supplied, grinning.

"Yeah, the ones off the bargain shelf in the far back corner of the shop," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes at the idea of her life story on the pages of some cheesy romance story.

"It's the classic story of two star-crossed lovers, but it's real," Emmeline replied, then paused. "I hope your ending turns out better than in those stories. I hope you get a nice, happily ever after."

"I don't want that," Lily made a face at the thought. "That's not real. No one lives perfectly happy lives. People quarrel and have off days, and there's house payments and in-laws and children and…._life_."

"But despite all of that, would you be happy if you were with him?"

"Yes. I'd be happy," Lily answered confidently. "I think if you're with someone you love the rest of that somehow doesn't matter as much. Things are better just because you're with…whoever you're with."

Emmeline smiled, her eyes laughing. "As long as I'm with someone I truly, deeply love, everything else will be fine, and that's what I consider happily ever after. I mean, look at you and James. You're incredibly cross with him right now, but you still love him, yeah?" she asked, a small smile on her face.

"Of course, I do," Lily smiled, feeling a blush creeping up her neck. "You know, we've never actually fought before. Not in a….a coupleish sense, anyway. We argued all the time back at Hogwarts before he grew up. But because of this argument I've realized that what we have…it isn't perfect. And that's okay. I like it better that way. And I think I love him more for it, as strange as that sounds."

"No, not strange," Emmeline sighed, ever the romantic. "It just proves how much you love him. I sincerely hope you and James find some way to be together. You two deserve to be happy."

"But what about Hestia?" Lily questioned sadly, her good mood suddenly deflating. "Doesn't she deserve to be happy as well?"

L … J

"Albright, you'll be working with Healer Jones today," the healer in charge of trainees instructed her. "One of his patients has a serious case of hex induced liver inflammation. It's an interesting case, and I'm sure you'll benefit from his tutelage."

Hestia nodded and accepted the clipboard from her supervisor. Turning around, she nearly bumped into a tall young man wearing the lime green robes of a Healer and the crossed wand and bone emblem.

"I'm sorry!" she told him, nearly dropping her clipboard in surprise.

"Quite all right," he replied easily, waving away her apology.

"Healer Jones, this is Miss Albright, your assistant today," the trainee supervisor said with a slight smile. Hestia suddenly felt very foolish. Imagine, she had nearly knocked down the Healer she would be working with!

"Very nice to meet you Miss Albright," he extended a hand to her. "I'm Graham Jones. Feel free to call me Graham."

As Hestia looked at the young Healer, she decided that he was quite handsome, though perhaps not in the traditional sense. He had short, dark blonde hair that was slightly longer in the front and swept to the sides, and incredibly dark eyes. She couldn't tell if they were simply a dark brown, or truly black. He was smiling at her, but not in a patronizing manner. He seemed genuinely pleased to meet her and be working with her.

"Our first patient Mrs. Cavanaugh is right this way," he motioned to the ward on their left. "If you'll just follow me, we can get started."

As they checked on Mrs. Cavanaugh, Graham explained the complexities of the condition to her and allowed her to administer the potion. Their elderly patient was rather cantankerous and constantly demanded to be told what was happening, but Graham never seemed to grow exasperated and answered all of her questions in a patient and friendly manner.

Unlike several of the other Healers Hestia had worked with, Graham took time to explain each process to her in detail, making sure that she understood every aspect of what they were doing. He wasn't pompous about his knowledge or status; he treated her like a complete equal, something Hestia found exceedingly refreshing.

When they were finally done monitoring and administering potions to Mrs. Cavanaugh, he turned to her. "We'll need to check in on her every hour to make sure the inflammation is lessening, but in the mean time we'll visit my other patients."

As they cared for his patients, Hestia found that Graham was easy to talk to and extremely laid back going. They carried on a lively conversation, and Hestia learned that he had only finished his Healer training a year ago, making him not much older than herself.

"Did you go to Hogwarts?" she asked him as she changed bandages on a head wound.

Graham nodded. "I was in Hufflepuff, a year ahead of you. I remember you were friends with that really clever girl – Lily Evans. And you're be–"

He stopped abruptly as he realized he had said too much. "Yes, well, um… It looks like it's time to check on Mrs. Cavanaugh!"

"Betrothed to James Potter," Hestia finished quietly. "Yes, I am. Listen, I don't want to talk about him right now. We've had something of a falling out. He's the biggest prat I've ever met, and I'm not sure I ever want to talk to him again."

Graham observed her for a moment, then said softly, "I always thought James Potter was supposed to be brilliant, but I guess if he's let a nice girl like you get away he's not as clever as I thought."

Looking up, Hestia met Graham's steady gaze and saw truth shining out of his eyes. And for the first time in nearly a week, she smiled.

"Let's go see Mrs. Cavanaugh," she told Graham.

L … J

"Your mum told me I might find you here," James said, approaching where Lily sat in a swing with her trainers and socks kicked off. She was pushing herself gently, softly swinging through the air.

She looked up sharply, obviously surprised to see him standing there in the muggle park down the street from her parents' home. "What do you want, James?" she asked him warily and he sighed.

"I just…I came to say that I'm sorry. I know that you would never intentionally hurt Hestia or me. It was a stupid thing to say…I'm a prat and I'm sorry. When you walked away, I should have followed. I was stupid not too."

"You hurt me." It was not made as an accusation, but rather as a statement.

"I know," James, shoved his hands in to his trouser pockets. "I said horrible things to you, and you didn't deserve any of it. I know it doesn't make it right, but...I said those things because I felt like I was on the defense. You seemed so willing to accept the fact that I may have to marry Hestia, and I didn't want to hear that, not after all we've been through this last year."

"I didn't want to accept it," Lily told him, swinging slightly higher so that she was level with his shoulders. "I still don't. But there isn't anything I can do anything about it."

They were both silent, thinking about the difficult situation in which they now found themselves. James watched as Lily swung through the air, her hair blowing behind her in the slight breeze. She looked as though she was part of nature there in the park. She almost took his breath away.

"So your father let you out of your room?" She asked suddenly, jerking James roughly from his thoughts of her.

"Yeah," he answered, thinking of the promise he had made in exchange. "I promised my mother and father I wouldn't kill myself if I'm forced to marry Hestia."

He watched relief wash over Lily's pretty features. "Good. I'm not worth your life, James."

"I think you are," he told her, their eyes meeting for an intense second. "I would have come sooner, but my father had to let me out of my room. I – I went to your apartment, but Hestia said you were staying at your parents house for a while. What happened? I thought everything was all right between you two?"

"So did I," Lily replied in a defeated manner, shaking her head. "But she told me that she lied…that she felt betrayed and that we needed some time apart while she thought things over."

"When I talked to her earlier…" James confided in Lily, running a hand through his hair. "She was horribly cross with both of us. She said that we haven't really tried to get over each other and that we've been plotting behind her back. She's mostly cross with me though. She thinks I never tried to love her."

"We have been selfish, James. You _know_ we have," Lily told him sadly, allowing the swing to slowly drift to a stop.

As much as James wanted to deny it, he knew it was true. They had been horribly selfish. But despite this knowledge, and the knowledge that he was to begin planning his wedding soon, he still refused to marry Hestia. He was not going to marry another woman while he was in love with Lily.

"Lily, please tell me truthfully," he demanded. "Do you want to be with me?"

"More than life itself," Lily told him earnestly, her eyes shinning with emotion and truth. "But Hestia loves you, and I can't ask her to give up the man she loves. I can't ask that of her, James. Not of my best friend."

James felt as though a large stone were being lowered into his stomach. "Not even to be with me?"

"No…I'm _sorry_. I've hurt her enough already; I can't hurt her any more. I can't put my happiness before Hestia's."

"So we're going to leave things to what they might have been? Again?"

Lily nodded firmly. "As hard as this is to say, we need to keep our distance from each other for awhile. It's what I should have done a long time ago, I just didn't want to face reality."

James swallowed thickly. "So this is goodbye then?"

"For now," Lily told him sadly, staring at the ground.

James nodded and turned to leave, when Lily's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"James!"

"Yes?" he asked, turning to face her.

"I just…" she began, then faltered. Standing up, she walked forward to stand in front of him. Much to his surprise, she took his hands in hers and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "I know this is selfish, but no matter what happens… I want you to know that I love you."

James stared at her, stunned. He had known that she loved him by her actions, but she had never said the words to him before out of respect for Hestia. Hearing her say, "I love you" gave him hope. Even though they were parting ways for the time being, he felt the hope that in the future they would find a way to be together.

* * *

Just to let you guys know, there will be one more chapter and an epilogue.

Thanks for reading!


	12. Resolution

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Chapter Twelve: Resolution**

**Dedicated to Sarah and Karin**. Thank you for your enthusiasm – you two truly renewed my creativity and my dedication to this story. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

* * *

"What about this color, dear?" Dorea asked kindly, holding up a swatch of fabric for Hestia to see. They were sitting in the front parlor of the Potter manor picking out colors for the wedding party apparel. Hestia had once looked forward to planning her wedding, but now she took no enjoyment in the process.

Dorea, torn between her loyalty to James and her duty to Hestia as surrogate mother, was doing her best to appear cheerful, but she couldn't completely hide her dissatisfaction with the process of wedding planning. Hestia too, was growing more and more displeased at the idea of planning a wedding that would bind her to James.

"Mother?" James' voice called, echoing through the large entrance way. Hestia briefly closed her eyes at the sound his voice.

"In here, dear," Mrs. Potter called, glancing quickly at Hestia as though to judge her reaction.

James appeared in the doorway, a wide grin on his face. The smile slowly faded as he spotted Hestia sitting next to his mother. Hestia looked away from his gaze, hurt washing over her anew.

"We're picking out the colors for the wedding," Dorea explained as James came fully into the room. "Would you care to join us?"

Hestia silently prayed that James would decline, but to her great surprise he took a seat next to her and leaned forward to examine the color pallet resting on the table amid swatches of fabric and bits of lace and frills.

For the next half hour he sat with them and acknowledged his preferences about the colors that would be chosen. Hestia could hardly help from staring at him. What had happened to the James of last week? He had been extremely angry and defiant, but now it was almost as though he was another person entirely. It was true that he did not seem to enjoy participating in the wedding plans, but he was doing so anyway.

It almost seemed, Hestia thought, as though he was at peace with the situation. If this was the case, he was lucky. She had no peace of mind about anything at the present moment.

"I suppose that's enough for now," Dorea said finally, setting the long scroll of parchment she held to the side. "We'll start with the invitations next week."

Hestia nodded, but a sense of unease settled into her stomach. Invitations made the whole ordeal seem much more final. Once they were sent out, it Charles would never allow them to be retracted. Not for a kingdom.

Bidding goodbye to Dorea and James, she flooed back to her London flat. It was solely her flat now. She had come home two nights ago to find all of Lily's belongings removed and a note resting on the kitchen table. Along with the note was enough money to cover one half of the rent for the month.

Hestia thought back to what Dorea had told her; next week she would be picking out invitations. Today they had planned the guest list. Naturally, Charles had included his own long list of acquaintances and co-workers who had to be invited for the sake of appearances. As Hestia had looked through the list of people she knew only by name, she had truly realized how much of her marriage was for appearances. She had thought that she understood the situation before, but she hadn't, not really.

Hestia sat down on the couch, considering her future. It was strange living alone, and the flat seemed empty without Lily's presence. Living with another person could be difficult, but also loads of fun, and Hestia found that she missed having someone around. She had often wondered what it would be like to live with James, but she had never been able to imagine occupying the same living space as him. In her mind, she struggled to picture their belongings mingled together on the shelves and in the drawers, sharing their meals together, but the images simply wouldn't come.

Her brow furrowed as her thoughts drifted to James' changed attitude. She had wanted him to be more optimistic about their joint future, but his new behavior was almost unsettling. He was polite, yet distant, and he was willing to let her make her own decisions and only be involved in her affairs as little as was required of him. Would he always be this way in their marriage? Would the rest of her life be spent in this manner?

L … J

"So this is where Lily Evans grew up?" Sirius asked rhetorically, glancing around her room.

Lily nearly dropped her book, startled by the sight of him in standing in the doorway to her room. "Sirius, what are you doing here?"

"I just thought I'd come by and take you out for ice cream. I figured that we should take advantage of a perfect Saturday afternoon. With all of the training we're going to be doing in the upcoming years, who knows when we'll have another Saturday off?"

His eyes fell on a Muggle photograph of their group of friends, taken in their seventh year. He leaned forward to more closely examine the photo.

"After the Gryffindor versus Slytherin match seventh year," he commented, his voice full of nostalgia. "I remember taking this picture… We all look so happy."

"Sirius…this isn't a date, right?" Lily asked hesitantly. She had thought that he was over her, but perhaps she had been wrong. She hoped not. There was quite enough drama in her life at the present time.

"No, I'm over you," Sirius assured her with a wry grin and Lily couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief.

Sirius paused briefly, then continued. "Listen, I'm sorry I was such a right pest last year. But I really did fancy you, you know."

"I know," Lily replied, looking up at him. "But I didn't want to hurt you… I didn't mean to hurt a lot of people, and I ended up hurting them all."

"Hey," Sirius said, placing a large hand on her shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. I suppose I was a bit crushed at the time, but it was good for me. No one had ever turned me down before." He paused, then said, "Everything will work itself out in time. Just wait and see."

"I hope you're right… I hate hurting the people I care about. I feel like such a horrible person," Lily admitted softly.

Sirius moved forward and gathered her up in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his broad frame in return.

"You are _not_ a horrible person, Lily Evans. You are one of the kindest people I know. Anyone who can stand up for old Snivellus in front of a crowd is not a horrible person. Enough of this self-pity; let's go eat our own weight in ice cream."

Lily smiled in spite of herself, and seeing this Sirius grinned widely.

"There's the Lily I know. Now come on, Remus and Peter are waiting for us at Fortescue's."

L … J

"Albright!" A young Healer by the name of Cillian raced frantically into the ward where Hestia had just finished tending to a young wizard who had accidentally swallowed nearly a pint of skelegrow. His lime green robes had a streak of what looked like blood smeared across his chest and his glasses were nearly falling off of his liberally freckled face.

"There was an attack on a street in Muggle London!" he gasped, clutching his side. "Several Muggles and a number of Aurors were badly injured. They've just brought the lot in. All Healers not attending to serious cases are required to immediately –"

"Where are they?" Hestia cut across Cillian's words.

"They're in the Aithne Hughes ward on the Fourth Floor."

Hestia raced out of the ward and sprinted to the stairway. Running as fast as she could up the stairs, Hestia made her way up the stairs, pushing through the crowd of people who were trying to make their way to the fourth floor to look for their loved ones. Hestia's heart was pounding in her ears. Five of her friends were training to be Aurors, and she knew several Aurors from her acquaintance with the Potters. The chance that someone she knew had been injured – or even killed – was extremely high.

Skidding into the Aithne Hughes ward, she was faced with pure chaos. What seemed like every Healer in St. Mungo's was there, and the ward was swarming with Ministry officials and other people in billowing black robes.

"Thank goodness!" Healer Jackson, the head supervisor, cried as she spotted Hestia entering the ward. "I have a patient who needs tending to. Several Aurors were just brought in; this one's in a bad way. She's been hit with several nasty curses and she's unconscious at the moment. This way."

As the supervisor led Hestia through the maze of beds and people, Hestia heard someone calling her name. She felt her heart drop as he turned to she see Dorea Potter standing there, wringing her hands.

"Is James hurt?" Hestia asked, searching for his figure with her eyes. She quickly found him. He was lying on a bed a row over; his face was deathly pale. His shirt had been removed, revealing deep, red slashes across his chest. Graham stood over him, applying a bright purple cream that smoked as it touched the open wounds.

"Albright!" Healer Jackson called out impatiently.

"He'll be fine," she told Dorea, trying to summon her own courage. "Healer Jones is one of our best."

Moving to where Healer Jackson stood, Hestia towards the bed. What she saw made her breath catch in her throat.

"Whatever she was hit with caused her to be knocked unconscious. She hit her head when she fell. Cracked her head clean open, poor thing," Healer Jackson shook her own head sadly, her dark, curly hair swinging back and forth.

Lying on the white sheets of the hospital bed was Lily, her red hair splayed across the stark white pillow. Even from this distance, Hestia could tell that much of Lily's hair was clumped together by blood. Her naturally pale face was almost a ghostly white.

Hestia set to work determining what curses had been used on Lily and began treating her patient. She preformed several spells to close the wounds that had been inflicted and cleaned the dried blood from her head and hair with a handy spell. Finally, she was able to revive Lily.

"H-hestia?" Lily stammered as the spell took effect. She tried to sit up, but immediately clutched her head and lay back against her pillows.

"Lily, I need you to drink a few potions for me," Hestia instructed, trying to keep her voice free of emotion. She couldn't let herself fall to pieces simply because her patient was her best friend.

After Lily had taken the necessary potions to replenish her blood and treat her most serious injuries, Hestia gave Lily a sleeping draught to give the healing potions a better opportunity to work and to help rebuild Lily's strength.

Seeing that there was no more she could do for her friend at the moment, Hestia ventured to where Graham was still tending to James. She approached the bedside, standing opposite of Graham.

"Will he be all right?" Hestia asked quietly, mindful of Mrs. Potter sitting a few feet away.

"I'll do my best," Graham replied softly as James began stirring and mumbling incoherent words under his breath. "He's lost a lot of blood. When he is conscious, he's delirious and doesn't recognize anyone."

"Lily…Lily," James muttered in a distracted manner as his eyelids flickered open. "I have to save her…I need her… Lily…where is she?"

Hestia sucked her in breath sharply. He was asking for Lily. Not his parents, not Sirius, or Remus or Peter, but Lily.

"James, she's safe. She's been taken care of," she tired to reassure him. Her heart felt as though a herd of Hippogriffs were trampling all over it.

"Lily," he gasped, trying to sit up. His eyes were wild and unfocused. "I love you, Lily! I won't let them hurt you!"

"Would it be possible to give him a sleeping draught?" Hestia asked thickly, refusing to look Graham in the eyes.

Graham nodded and poured a measure of potion for James to drink. "Mr. Potter, I need you to drink this for me."

"I have to save Lily," James protested, leaning away from the extended beaker. "Take me instead! Don't hurt her - I love her!"

"This will save Lily. It will make everything better," Graham assured James. He immediately quit thrashing and allowed Graham to pour the sleeping draught down his throat. James settled back onto his bed, muttering something, but his words were indistinguishable once more. In a moment, he was a sleeping, his breathing deep and even.

"He loves her," Hestia said out loud to herself, her voice wavering. "He's never going to love me. She's my best friend, and he loves her… It's not supposed to be like this!"

Hestia turned away, fighting back tears. Lily wasn't just a way for James to escape his arranged marriage. He wanted to protect Lily, and he was willing to die to ensure that she was safe. He truly, deeply, loved her.

"Hestia...I'm sorry."

As many times as Hestia had recently heard that phrase, the way Graham said it made her feel as though someone finally meant it. She nodded to show that she understood and appreciated his words.

"I'm going to go check on Lily," she told him, smoothing the sheets on James' bed.

Graham frowned slightly. "But - "

Hestia smiled wryly. "She's my patient."

Returning to Lily, she found two Aurors standing by Lily's bedside.

"Cor, she was lucky," a tall man with cropped blonde hair was saying. "She's not even a fully trained Auror yet. Mind you, if Potter hadn't taken that last curse for her, I reckon she'd be dead now. Don't know what Wright was thinking, sending trainees out there."

The other Auror, a short woman with dark brown hair nodded in agreement. "She got all of those children out of that shop. It was bloody brave of her, but Potter's in a bad way right now. The Healer tending to him said he's delirious."

"Excuse me," Hestia muttered, her ears ringing with the words she had just overheard.

"Are you her Healer?" The female Auror asked. "Will Lily wake up?"

"Yes, I am. And yes, she's only sleeping due to the effects of a sleeping draught. She'll wake in a few hours. She'll be sore for a few days, but she'll be fine."

"Albright!" Healer Aasheim called. A short woman with long brown hair, she was the Healer in charge of the ward. "If you're done with that young lady, there's a whole load of Muggles who could use medical attention. Please come with me."

L … J

Lily woke up feeling as though her entire body had been severely beaten with a large, thick stick. The pain in her head was especially sharp, and she groaned slightly.

"Here – " A beaker was held in front of her. "This will help with your headache."

Struggling to properly sit up, Lily gratefully accepted the beaker and swallowed the vile tasting potion within. It felt like sludge, and she gagged a bit, trying to force the potion down her throat.

"Thanks," she said, handing the beaker back to her Healer, only to discover that the Healer was Hestia. The fact that it had been several weeks since she had seen Hestia and the realization that she had never seen Hestia in a professional setting made her blink in surprise.

"How are you feeling?" Hestia asked. She looked very tired; her hair was falling out of its ponytail, and her eyes were weary.

"Sore," Lily admitted, wincing at the pain in her body.

Images raced through her mind. They had been at Auror training on a practice mission when there had been an actual attack on a street in Muggle London. Qualified Aurors had been brought in to stop and capture the Death Eaters who had been torturing Muggles. She had been trying to rescue a small group of children who had been in a candy shop when she had been hit with several curses. James had thrown himself in front of her, taking the last curse, which had rendered him unconscious. Lily had managed to get the children out, and then too had given into the darkness of unconsciousness.

"Is James all right?" she asked, knowing that James was a sensitive subject, but needing to know what had happened to the person who had probably saved her life.

"I don't know," Hestia told her honestly. "Graham – that's James' Healer - said he's lost a lot of blood. He's been in and out of consciousness and when he is conscious, he's delirious. He's been that way for several hours now."

Lily clenched her eyes shut. "It's my fault. If I'd been more careful, James wouldn't have had to save me."

"If you'd been more careful, those Muggle children might be _dead_," Hestia told her.

"They're safe?" Lily's eyes shot open.

"I only know what the two Aurors who were here earlier said. They said you had gotten some children out of a shop, that you had been wounded, …and that James had taken the last curse for you."

"Noble git," Lily swore. "If he hadn't – "

"You'd probably be dead now, Lily!" Hestia exclaimed, shocked at Lily's seeming ungratefulness.

"But what if he _dies_!" Lily cried, her eyes filling with tears. "If he dies or is injured beyond healing, then I'm responsible for taking something else from you! _I don't want to be the one to hurt you anymore_."

Hestia stared at Lily, a sudden realization beginning to form in her mind. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on Lily's shoulder.

"Lily," she told her friend evenly, "you didn't take him from me. You can't help the fact that he loves you anymore than he can."

L … J

It was two days later when James finally woke from his delirious state. Opening his eyes, he saw lots of white sheets and something lime green.

"Don't try to sit up just yet," a deep, mellow voice told him. "Just wait a moment."

The voice belonged to a tall, young looking Healer. "I'm Healer Jones," the man introduced himself. "You gave us quite a scare, Mr. Potter. But I daresay you'll make a full recovery."

Once he had helped James to sit up, James scanned the ward he was in.

"Where's Lily?" he asked frantically as the memory of the attack came flooding back to him in a rush. "Is she alive? Is she safe? Is she hurt?"

"She's fine," Graham assured him, pointing to a bed a few rows over. "Hestia - Healer Albright - is taking care of her. She's an excellent Healer. Lily is in very capable hands. She's merely being monitored at this state, and she should be released tomorrow."

James closed his eyes in relief. "Thank Merlin."

"_James_!"

Hestia had noticed that he was awake and was hurriedly making her way towards him. As she reached him, she sat down on the edge of his bed and threw her arms around him. He winced at the pain, but hugged her back. Over Hestia's shoulder, James saw Graham avert his eyes.

"I'm _so_ glad you're awake," Hestia told him, pulling away. "We've all been so worried! Your mother has barely left your side. We had to make her go home and get some rest. Sirius has been stopping by before and after training, and Remus and Peter have been here quite often as well."

"I'll go and owl your parents, Mr. Potter," Graham said. "I'm sure they'll want to know you're awake."

"He fanices you," James commented conversationally to Hestia as soon as Graham was out of hearing distance.

"_What_?" Hestia asked, her face showing her complete shock at such an idea. That he had suggested such a thing was equally as shocking. "How can you even think such a thing?"

James shrugged, then winced as a sharp pain shot through his left shoulder blade.

Before he could respond, Healer Aasheim appeared in front of the two. She smiled warmly when she saw that James was finally awake. "Good to see you looking better, Mr. Potter. Albright, now that your patient is well, I need you on the third floor."

Hestia nodded and rose to her feet. "I'll talk to you later, James."

L … J

Hestia knocked on the front door of the Potter Mansion, a knot of tension twisting like a writhing snake in her stomach.

The sound of footsteps echoing through the entryway could be heard, and then the door was flung open to reveal James. It had been a week since he had been released from St. Mungo's Hospital. She had been avoiding him as she had wrestled with the issue of their betrothal. It had been a difficult process, but she knew what she had to do.

"Hello," James greeted her, avoiding her eyes.

Hestia took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I need to talk to your mother."

James opened the door wide to allow Hestia inside. "Mother is in her library."

In all of her time spent over the years at the Potter manor, Hestia had always considered the large house to be friendly and inviting, but today the building held no warmth for her. The gray stone walls seemed drab and cold; the tapestries decorating the walls dull and lifeless.

James pushed open the door to Dorea's sitting room and showed her to a seat. "I'll just go and let mother know you're here," he told her before making his way to the door. He had his hand on the handle when he stopped and faced her.

"I'm sorry," James told her. "Believe me, I never meant for you to get hurt. It's…"

"I'm not angry anymore, James," Hestia told him. "I know you didn't choose to love Lily. And I know you didn't mean to hurt me. What's done is done, and we can't change things. I realize now that we need to leave the past behind and move forward. I told Lily those words before when I was cross, not really meaning them - but I mean them now."

"_Thank you_," James told her, his voice filled with sincerity. Pressing a quick kiss to her forehead, he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Returning to her seat, Hestia watched the door. She could still feel his kiss on her forehead, but it didn't make her skin tingle as it once had.

Suddenly the door opened and Dorea Potter appeared. She looked exceptionally weary, but glad to see her guest.

"Hestia, how lovely to see you!" she exclaimed warmly, giving Hestia a brief hug before settling herself in the next chair over. "How have you been?"

"Dorea…I'm here because I want to end my betrothal with James."

There, she'd said it. The plan had been forming in her mind since Lily and James had been hospitalized, but it was the first time she had said it out loud to anyone. The words seemed strange, but she was glad to get them out in the open.

Dorea watched her carefully for a moment before responding. "Dear, you know that Charles will never sign the annulment papers…"

"I'm going to sign them first," Hestia told her firmly. Her mind was made up and nothing was going to stop her. "You and I are going to draw up the papers together, and then we're going to take them to Mr. Potter and he is going to sign them."

Dorea smiled slightly. "Let's find a quill and some parchment, shall we?"

L … J

Hestia looked sideways and caught Dorea's eye. The older woman smiled gently and nodded in a reassuring manner.

Raising her hand, Hestia rapped smartly on the door of Charles' study. There was a brief moment in which the two women waited, and then the door was thrown open.

"Are you in need of something?" Charles asked, impatience lacing his voice.

"We need to talk with you," Hestia said firmly, determined not to be brushed aside. She had come this far; she wasn't leaving until she and James were free.

Charles eyed them, but opened the door to admit them. With a flick of his wrist, he conjured two straight-backed chairs for them in front of the desk. Hestia and Dorea settled into the uncomfortable chairs while Charles took his seat behind his desk.

"Well?" Charles questioned.

"We're here to discuss ending the betrothal between James and me," Hestia announced, sounding much more confident that she felt.

Charles sighed heavily and sat back in his chair. "We have had this discussion before, and I believe that I specifically said the answer was no."

Hestia ignored his words and laid the rolls of parchment on the desk. "We've drawn up the necessary paperwork."

"If you're asking me to sign that –"

"We are not asking, Charles," Dorea interrupted, her voice cool.

Charles blinked in shock. Hestia was sure that Dorea had never spoken to her husband in that tone of voice before. If she had, it had certainly never been in the company of other people. She couldn't help but feel as though the annulment was empowering for Dorea as well as James, and she fought to keep herself from smiling.

"The boy's just being stubborn," Charles gruffly countered. "He's still too young to know what's good for him."

"Charles," Dorea said sharply, "I want James to be happy, and he won't be in a marriage like ours. You didn't love me, and James doesn't love Hestia. Can't you see that more than one person's happiness rests on this issue? Do you want Hestia to be trapped in a marriage where her husband doesn't love her in return?"

"How can you agree to sign something that will sever you from him forever?" Charles demanded of Hestia.

Hestia's stomach clenched painfully at Charles' choice of words, but she forced herself to reply and keep her voice from trembling. She must not show weakness to this man.

"I know that I'll never be truly happy with him, knowing that he loves someone else. And when that person is my best friend…I can't abandon seven years of friendship and tell Lily that I don't want her in my home reminding my husband that he doesn't love me. And don't you dare say that he should forget her," she added, "You shouldn't have to forget the person you love."

"But the Potter line…" Charles protested weakly.

"You're a hypocrite, Charles," Dorea accused, her voice firm and even. "How can you go to work and speak out against Voldemort when you're practicing his principles in your own home! You don't want James to marry Lily because she's Muggle-born and you don't want her Muggle blood mixed with our so-called pure-blood! Well James doesn't care about that. Neither do I,…and neither should you."

Charles' mouth opened but no words came forth. He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to his face with a shuddering sigh. He remained motionless for nearly a minute before he looked Dorea in the eye. "Is that what you think of me?"

There was no compassion in Dorea's steely blue eyes. "I'm right, am I not? You're so obsessed with what other people will think that you're putting your wants before those of your son's. James is of age; he's an adult and he should be the one who chooses how he lives his life. If he wants to live his life with Lily that should be his decision to make, not yours."

Charles was silent, staring at past both of them. His expression looked troubled.

Dorea stood up, her back straight and her voice firm. "Charles, _you will sign_."

L … J

"Come in," Charles' called, and James hesitantly pushed the door open. His mother stood next to his father, who sat in his usual spot in his chair behind a large desk. His father looked weary and slightly cross, but his mother was beaming.

"Have a seat, James," his father instructed him, motioning to one of the two empty chairs that sat in front of this desk.

James did as he was told, and after he had settled into his seat, Charles began.

"It seems…that is - your mother and Hestia have persuaded me to end your betrothal."

James sat back in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. "_What_?" he croaked, his vocal cords not seeming to want to cooperate.

"All of the proper paperwork has been signed by all the necessary parties. You are no longer betrothed to Hestia Albright."

James opened his mouth to say something, but found that the words wouldn't come. He swallowed and tried again. "_Thank you_," he told his parents.

Dorea smiled and came around the desk to hug him. He stood and held her tight as she stroked his hair as she had when he was younger. When he pulled back, he saw that her soft blue eyes were glistening with tears.

"Don't cry, Mum," he told her as he reached up to brush her tears away.

"I'm just happy for you," she answered, smiling up at him lovingly. "So very happy."

L … J

"James," Hestia said as she opened the door to her flat. He thought that she sounded surprised to see him. She shouldn't have been. She must have known that he would come to see her once he knew.

"My mother and father told me what you did for me," he told her. "_Thank you_."

"When you were unconscious at St. Mungo's, you asked for Lily. Then I heard what you did for her in the attack…everything had been building up to that moment, I suppose. When your mother I and I were planning the wedding, I began to realize I was planning a wedding that would never take place. You love Lily, and nothing I do is ever going to change that fact. It took what happened in the hospital for me to realize what I needed to do – that I needed to let you go and to move on with my life."

James felt guilt settle in the pit of his stomach, but he could not help but be happy at the same time. "I'm not sorry for loving Lily, but I am sorry for all of the pain I've caused you. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I am."

"I believe you," Hestia replied solemnly. "You've always been honest with me, James. I have to give you credit for that at least. You never pretended anything that you did not feel. You never lied to me about your feelings for Lily, and I thank you for that."

She paused. "Who's going to tell her?"

"You should," James replied without a moment of hesitation. "She'll want to hear it from you, and besides…it's your right."

"Thank you."

James felt himself frown at her words. "Don't thank me. I don't deserve it…But you know, I'll always be here if you need me," he vowed.

Whatever had happened, there was too much history between them to be completely ignored. In their own way, they would always be friends. It would take time to reestablish their friendship; he knew that. But he had no doubts that someday, after the sharpest pain had dulled, their friendship would be strong once more.

L … J

"What a day!" Graham exclaimed as he and Hestia made their way out of the hospital. "Want to grab a tea or coffee or something?"

James' words about Graham fancying her flitted through her mind, but Hestia quickly pushed them aside. It was such a ridiculous idea. Wasn't it?

"I'd like that," she agreed easily. She enjoyed working and spending break time with Graham. He was so good-natured and incredibly easy to talk to that she found herself at complete ease in his presence.

As they chatted over their tea, Hestia's thoughts drifted to what lay ahead of her. She had to somehow tell Lily the news…she just didn't know how.

"I can that see I don't have your full attention tonight," Graham commented wistfully.

"I'm sorry," Hestia apologized. "I'm just…you see…I'm not betrothed to James anymore." She saw Graham's eyes widen, and she continued. "I broke it off because I realized that I was never going to make him happy. They're my friends, and I want them to be happy. And if that means they're together, then I need to accept that and move on. But you know…for all that I'm sad, there's also a bit of relief as well."

"How so?" Graham asked, taking a sip of his tea.

"Being raised to marry James Potter, I was taught that I was just supposed to be a wife and mother. But I've found that I like working. It gives me a sense of purpose and satisfaction. I like helping people – I can't imagine doing anything else with my life right now."

"And James wouldn't have let you be a working mother?"

"James didn't care. He told me I could work if that's what I wanted," Hestia explained, feeling as though she had to defend James to Graham. "But Charles Potter wouldn't have stood for it. He would have found some way to keep me from working."

Graham considered this, his dark eyes exploring the bottom of his teacup. "So you never want to get married now that you're free?"

Hestia shook her head. "I think I'll get married if I find the right man. Someone I can love and make happy… someone who loves me with every fiber of his being. It won't be for a while…the pain is still very fresh. But I think that in time I'll be able to love someone else."

Graham smiled, a warm smile that always seemed to reach his eyes. "Good. You deserve to be happy."

L … J

It was a few days later when Lily opened the door of her parent's home to find Hestia standing on the doorstep.

"May I come in?" Hestia asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"Of course," Lily stepped away from the door to allow Hestia in. The two women moved into the sitting area of the Evans' home and settled themselves onto the sofa along the west wall.

"I – I have something to tell you," Hestia began.

Lily's heart began to race. What if James had been hurt again? Or Sirius, or Frank or Alice? She expected to be told news of the very worst, and so was not prepared in any way for the words that tumbled from Hestia's mouth.

"I ended my betrothal with James. All the papers have been signed and everything is taken care of. He's free." She held up her thumb where a long, vertical scar was just beginning to fade. It took Lily a moment to comprehend that Hestia had signed in blood.

Lily sat stunned. James was free? Hestia had ended it…she had instigated the entire annulment?

"Why?" was the only question her mind could formulate at the moment.

"You two love each other," Hestia answered simply. "And you should be together. It's only right."

"But you love him too," Lily protested, trying desperately to understand what had happened to Hestia's earlier anger and resentment.

"Yes, I do," Hestia admitted, her face filled with sadness. "But he loves _you_. I would try too hard to make him happy and simply end up making us both miserable. I don't want him to be forced to marry me. If we were to get married, I would want it to be because he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me, not because of some agreement between our parents.

"I've realized that he can't force himself to love me because he loves you. His heart won't allow him to love two women the way he loves you. As long as he loves you, there isn't a chance for me. And he truly does love you. I had always thought that he was just using some slight fancy for you, trying to play it up as love to get out of the betrothal, but I know now that he loves you more deeply than I can imagine loving someone."

"You gave him up…for _me_," Lily whispered, her heart full of conflicting emotions. "How am – How am I supposed to live knowing that you sacrificed your happiness for mine?"

"Lily…" Hestia sighed heavily. "I've thought long and hard about this, and I went into this knowing full well what I was doing. I'm not going to lie and say that right now I'm not heartbroken - because I am. But it will pass. I'm not going sit and wallow in despair. Someday I'll find someone else. Someone who loves me in return, and someone I can make happy. I'll be fine, Lily. Besides…I know you would have done the same for me, had I been the one in your place."

L … J

The pathway to the Potter manor was a long one, but there was no other way to get to the large home. With anti-Apparation spells and other enchantments guarding the location, this was Lily's only way of getting to the manor. She didn't mind in the least. It could have been miles, and still Lily would not have cared, because James was at the end of the walk.

As she neared the massive structure, she saw a figure watching her from an upstairs window. It was James – she would have recognized him anywhere. She raised her hand to wave but he was already gone from the window.

In a few minutes, the front door flew open, and James came racing out. She laughed as she watched him bypass the stairs entirely by simply jumping. Once on the ground, he began walking quickly towards her. Her senses heightening, she quickened her pace to match his. As they neared each other, they were nearly jogging.

They collided in a bone-crushing embrace, and he lifted her slightly off the ground before setting her back down again. She wound her arms tightly around his neck and he pulled her close to his body as though afraid to let her go. He was squeezing her too hard, but it felt so wonderful to be held by James that Lily hardly cared.

He pulled away only enough to lower his head and press his lips to hers. It had been months since their kiss in the Prefects meeting room and much had changed since then. Not only had the betrothal been ended, but they had changed as people as well. What had not changed, however, was how they felt about each other.

What might have been seconds, minutes, or years later, they pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. Lily couldn't remember the last time she had felt so truly and purely blissful.

James cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "I wish this could be the part where I'm finally able to ask you to be my girlfriend, but I know we can't."

"We have to wait," Lily agreed decisively. "Hestia's still hurting, and we have to be sensitive to that. Once the pain has dulled, we can be together, but not before then. At St. Mungo's I told her I didn't want to hurt her anymore, and that's still true."

James nodded in an understanding manner. "We've been selfish enough. We don't need to add to her pain. Besides," he weaved his hands through her hair and brushed his lips over her cheeks. "I've waited for you this long, a little longer won't matter. I'd wait forever to be with you."

"I won't make you wait that long," Lily promised him, unable to keep the smile from her face.

James grinned back, his hazel eyes bright with euphoria and fulfillment. "I can still kiss you though, right? At least right now? As a sort of celebratory kiss?"

Lily pretended to think about this matter. "Oh I sup - "

Before she could finish, James leaned in and captured her lips with his. Lily kissed him with all of the love for him that had been pent up in her heart over these long months, and he kissed her back with equal fervor. Her knees felt weak, and all that kept her from collapsing then and there was his strong arms surrounding her body. James was free and the feeling of his lips on hers was all that mattered in that moment.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! There is an epilogue coming, hopefully before Deathly Hallows, so keep an eye out for that!  
**


	13. Epilogue

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of the amazingly talented J.K Rowling! I'm only borrowing the characters and world that she has so brilliantly created.

…………………

Beta by: ilovethedotgame

…………………

**Epilogue**

* * *

Lily peaked around the corner into the small chapel, her eyes searching for James. She smiled as she spotted him near the front of the room. Sirius, as his best man, was at his side. He was laughing at something Sirius had said, and Lily knew that James' eyes were shining as they always did when he smiled.

They had officially been a couple for slightly more than a year now, but Lily's heart still skipped a beat at the sight of James. He looked so handsome in his formal black dress robes. His hair was still was just as untidy as ever, although Sirius had informed her that James had tried to subdue it in honor of the occasion.

Secretly, Lily was glad that James' hair had not cooperated. Untidy though it was, it was part of who James was, and she was glad that nothing about him had been altered for the wedding.

They had chosen to have their wedding be a mix of the traditional Muggle and wizarding ceremonies. Lily had always loved the traditional Anglican vows, and she also wanted her father to be able to walk her down the aisle. James, however, had grown up in a pure-blood home and was used to the wizarding customs surrounding a marriage ceremony. He had never known anything else and indeed could not imagine a wedding of any other sort.

It was to be a small gathering of immediate friends and family only. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were increasingly becoming a threat to the wizarding and Muggle communities alike, and the marriage of a pure-blood to a Muggle-born wasn't something she and James had wanted to broadcast.

Sitting in the front row were Charles and Dorea Potter. Dorea was positively beaming; while Charles didn't appear enthused, neither was he scowling, which was a large accomplishment in itself. Ever since Dorea and Hestia had stood up to Charles on the matter of the betrothal, he had been slowly becoming more open toward his family. Tensions between James and Charles still remained high, but things were improving.

Charles had made no attempt to stop James from getting married to her and had even congratulated Lily. Lily's own mother was sitting next to Dorea Potter, waiting for her husband to take his seat next to her after walking Lily down the aisle. Petunia had chosen not to attend a wedding where so many magical people would be gathered. She had congratulated Lily in a stiff and unconvincing manner, which Lily supposed was almost all that she could expect from Petunia.

Frank and Alice, still happily married, were sitting next to Emmeline in the row behind. Little over a month ago, they had narrowly escaped an encounter with Voldemort himself. Both had been shaken by the meeting, but adamantly continued their Auror training. Last Spring, Emmeline had moved to London to a flat within walking distance of Lily and Hestia. She had taken a desk job at the Ministry and was quite happy.

Remus and Peter were across the aisle. She and James had purposely planned their wedding at a time two weeks from the full-moon so that Remus would be able to attend in good health. He was having difficulty finding a job since few employers wanted to hire a werewolf, but he refused any help from James or Sirius who had offered several times to give him money or help him find a position. Peter was working at a shop in Diagon Ally, and as far as Lily knew, was doing well.

"It's almost time," Hestia said, appearing at her side, wearing the pale yellow Lily had selected for her maid of honor. "Are you nervous?"

"No," Lily smiled, turning to face her best friend. "I thought I would be….but I'm not. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm doing the right thing, marrying James."

"It's strange to think that in little over half an hour you'll be Lily Potter and not Lily Evans," Hestia commented thoughtfully. "But Lily Potter suits you; it sounds almost as though it was meant to be your surname."

"Have you and Graham picked a day?" Lily asked, referring to Hestia's recent engagement.

Lily was glad that her friend had found Graham Jones. She had never seen Hestia as relaxed or as happy as she when she saw her in Graham's presence. The two of them were exceedingly happy together, and both James and Lily were pleased for their friend.

Hestia twisted the golden ring on her left hand with a small smile. "We're thinking of some time in the early fall. Neither of us wants a large wedding; just a small gathering of friends and family like you and James decided."

She paused, as though searching for the appropriate words. "Since you're my best friend, I was hoping you would be my maid of honor."

"Of course I will! Lily exclaimed, hugging Hestia as closely as her dress would allow.

"Don't rumple your dress!" Hestia warned, pulling away. "You look so beautiful today, Lily. I'm sure James won't be able to take his eyes off you."

Lily had worried that today would be stressful or bring back unwanted memories for Hestia, but her friend had never looked happier. There was no bitterness about her, no sign that she was saddened by the loss of what should have been her wedding. Hestia was eagerly anticipating her own wedding day and refused to allow the past to ruin her future.

"It's time, Lily," her father said, approaching her. He was smiling, but his eyes were glittering with what Lily strongly suspected were tears.

Lily peaked around the corner again, and sure enough, everything and everyone was in place. Dumbledore, who was officiating the ceremony, had taken his place at the front of the chapel, a bit behind where James and Sirius stood.

She saw James watching the doorway she would enter through in an expectant manner. She felt her stomach clench in anticipation, but she had never felt more confident in a decision in her entire life. With all of her heart, soul, and mind, she longed to be Lily Potter.

L … J

James scanned the small crowd that had gathered in the chapel for his wedding. _His wedding. _Once the phrase had held a connotation of deep dread and entrapment for him, but today he was marrying Lily, and the only words that were fitting were joy and fulfillment.

As music began to softly fill the chapel, Hestia came through the door in the back of the room, carrying a small bouquet of flowers. She walked towards them, and upon reaching the front of the chapel, she took her place on the left side of the altar. The music was unfamiliar to James, but Lily had assured him that it was a common bridal march in Muggle weddings.

Lily's father appeared at the door with Lily holding onto his arm. James very nearly forgot to breathe as his eyes rested upon Lily. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The white dress she wore contrasted with her hair, making the auburn strands seem even more vibrant. The dress itself was simple, yet elegant, with short sleeves and a scooped neckline. A veil covered her face, but James could see her bright eyes shining through the sheer material.

"Inhale, exhale," he heard Sirius mutter to him underneath his breath and fought not to let out a rather inappropriate burst of laugher. He could not, however, conceal a smile. He grinned widely, unable to keep his cheek muscles in a neutral position. He could tell that Lily was smiling as well, and any chance that he might keep a straight face was lost.

The crowd rose to their feet as slowly – what seemed like years in James' opinion – Lily and her father made their way down the aisle. James felt his heart pounding as Lily advanced towards him.

At the last pew, Mr. Evans took his seat next to his wife as Lily proceed to the front. She paused to hand her bouquet to Hestia, and then finally came to stand beside him. She gave him a small smile, and he returned it, feeling his breath come easier now that she was standing there next to him.

"Welcome, ladies and gentleman," Dumbledore raised his arms, greeting the assembled people. He and Lily had chosen Dumbledore to officiate their wedding. They could think of no one better. After all, both he and Lily were quite close to Dumbledore, having known him well at Hogwarts, and now through their work for the Order.

"It is my deep honor to be here today to join together Lily Christine Evans and James Harold Potter in holy matrimony. Being from different backgrounds, Miss Evans and Mr. Potter have chosen to combine different aspects on the Muggle and wizarding ceremonies. At the beginning of a magical wedding, it is common for the audience to show their consent and joy with the impending marriage. I ask that you repeat these words with me, though whether you wish to or not is, of course, your own choice."

"We have come to bear witness to the site of your union," Dumbledore began, and the crowd solemnly intoned the words after him.

"We have come to support your decision to bind your lives together. May you face all of troubles of life together, supporting one another. May your love for each other never diminish, and may your lives be filled with joy."

Dumbledore turned to Lily first. "Lily, will you have this man to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," Lily replied, glancing sideways at him, a smile gracing her pretty face.

Dumbledore now turned to face him, blue eyes twinkling. "James, will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," James answered, his steady voice matching the resolve in his heart to care for Lily all the days of his life.

"Please join hands," Dumbledore instructed. James extended his hands and felt Lily's small ones slide into his. Their hands had always fit so well together, bringing comfort and warmth. He felt her gently squeeze his hands, and he returned the gesture, assuring her through his touch that he meant every word he said.

Pulling his wand from his robes, Dumbledore began to recite ancient words that spoke of unity and vows, traditionally spoken at wizarding marriages. After he finished, he then repeated the words in English for the benefit of the non-magical members of the crowd. "These two people come here today to bind their lives together and become one. May they be united until the end of all things. The vows they now repeat are sacred; let the one who breaks this covenant be cursed."

He then touched each of their conjoined hands with his wand, which caused their hands glow a bright white for several seconds before slowly fading.

James cleared his throat. "I, James Potter, take you, Lily Evans, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

He had originally been wary of the aspects of a Muggle marriage ceremony, but now he was glad he had agreed to Lily's request that they merge the two very different wedding styles. The vows of the Muggle service were very formal, but also very beautiful. James felt that the words were expressing everything he wished Lily to know about his love for her.

"I, Lily Evans, take you, James Potter, to be my husband," Lily's eyes were glistening with joyful tears, but her smile remained, and her voice never faltered. "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Sirius stepped forward, producing the rings Lily and James had chosen for each other from a pocket of his formal dress robes. He handed them to Dumbledore, who held the rings up before the church, reciting more ancient words.

"These tokens are symbols of the unity that will now exist between this man and this woman. They represent the eternal nature of their vows."

Keeping hold of her left hand, James' let go of Lily's right hand and took the ring Dumbledore offered him.

"Lily," he said, gently slipping the white gold band onto her slender finger, "I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

Dumbledore then extended a gold band with engravings to Lily, who took it, and slipped it onto James' ring finger, giving his hand a small squeeze after she had done so.

"James, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

"Lily and James have consented to this union, and have given their vows freely and without hesitation. It is now my extreme pleasure to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. James Potter."

Over Lily's shoulder, James could see Hestia grinning, and the sight only added to the happiness now filling him like air being pumped into a balloon.

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore told him, bright blue eyes twinkling merrily, "you may now kiss the bride."

James lifted Lily's veil and pushed the light material behind her so that it hung down her back. Leaning forward, James pulled Lily gently towards him and pressed his lips against hers. Warmth spread throughout his body at the contact, and he felt his mouth curve into a smile against her soft lips.

The sensation of holding Lily so close to him never lost its appeal or its spark, and if not for the chapel full of people, James would have happily continued to kiss Lily until the need for oxygen become imperative.

As James pulled away from Lily, the applause of the small crowd greeted his ears. He felt touched that each person in the room had come to show their support of his marriage to Lily, and that they were here to share in celebration of the love he shared with the woman standing next to him.

Grinning at Lily, he took her hand and the two of them made their way down the center aisle, attempting to dodge the rice being thrown by their guests. Everyone was smiling, clapping for him and Lily, all other cares temporarily forgotten.

The world was an uncertain and dangerous place at the present time, and for a moment, James doubted that the happiness that he was now experiencing would be able to last for long. But suddenly words Dumbledore had once spoken at an Order meeting filled his mind. "Love and friendship are the most important weapons against Voldemort."

James leaned over and kissed Lily softly on the lips, to which she happily responded.

"What was that for?" she asked, in a breathy sort of voice as he pulled away.

"I love you, Lily Potter," he told her, smiling down at her, his heart aching with love for the spirited young woman in his arms.

Dark as the future might look at the moment, James felt that as long as he had Lily, his friends, and family by his side, he would be able to face the darkness with confidence.

**The End**

* * *

To all who have read and reviewed my story, I thank you for your encouragement and enthusiasm. It has meant the world to me.

See my author profile to find out what I'll be working on next!


End file.
